At the beginning of the semester, I published a post titled “Grade Levels” to illustrate the sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle differences between writing samples that could be expected to earn different letter grades in a Composition course. Now that we’ve spent a semester together, you likely have a better idea how your writing ranks against your classmates’ work (and against that A-grade ideal). Here’s what I wrote in September:
I won’t always be able to tell you why your essays don’t quite achieve the grades you want. Even after you respond well to feedback and make your essay grammatically correct, provide good sources, and make reasonable arguments, you might still not earn the highest grade. Writing beautifully and persuasively is more than a matter of following rules, and you may simply require more practice or more skill than can be achieved in a single semester.
Nobody wants to be told: “You just don’t sound as if you know what you’re talking about,” or: “You spend so much time proving the obvious there’s no room left for new insight,” but that may be the truth of the matter, and it may be the unspoken reason your grade didn’t improve as much as you hoped.
Following are some writing samples I hope will illustrate obvious differences in writing quality. The differences are enough to be worth a letter grade. These are relative values, of course, not absolutes. Not every writing course requires exactly this level of accomplishment for an A grade. Neither would the worst example necessarily earn a D grade in this course. Still, the comparisons should be helpful.
It’s time to revisit those Grade Levels now that you’re getting closer to finalizing your work for presentation and grading. For that purpose, I’ve produced four versions of one essay. Discuss the relative values of the three essays in the Reply field below, and grade them A, B, C, or D. (Don’t just grade; discuss the relative values.) Also indicate whether you find this a useful exercise at this stage of the semester.
THE PATTERN
I didn’t change the order as I revised, so the original version is the green version at the top and the latest revision is the black version at the bottom. If I were assigning grades, therefore, and using all four, they’d be DCBA. Your sequence may differ, even after I explain what I thought I was improving on each new draft. This is, after all, a subjective process. But as much as anything else, I’m trying to give you a sense of how I grade quality, so my preferences are important to anyone interested in grades.
My notes about the improvements to each paragraph appear in gray italics like these.
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VERSION 1
Throughout the nation’s history, contraception has been very influential in leading teenagers to believe that they are safe from pregnancy. Our media engulfs teens to so much sex, it’s not shocking they’re oversexed and are the world’s leaders in pregnancy. Schools focus on battling pregnancy with the promotion of partly successful contraceptive techniques, when instead they should be focusing on combating the promiscuity by recommending the only effective contraceptive: abstinence.
There are some long-term contraceptives which include the IUD and the pill. However, both of these have their flaws. Doctor Costello stated that “Younger teenagers, ‘who we know are at highest risk,’ often resist longer-acting methods because IUD insertion can be painful…” Another flaw for the IUD is that many pediatricians are not properly trained to help insert the IUD. The IUD causes an inflammatory reaction within the uterus and can backfire to a negative effect. The highest and most important factor in missing a birth control pill is pregnancy. Inconsistency in taking the birth control pill also causes irregular menstrual cycles. Neither one of these contraceptive methods protect against sexually transmitted diseases.
Abstinence/Celibacy is the most effective and safest form of contraception, and has no negative side effects. Some people might call you out as someone who doesn’t have sex, but there are a plethora of people who don’t have sex, whether it be because of religious callings or personal preferences. There are no defects in abstinence nor can it cause any damage to the body. It’s also free and causes no risk. Unlike a study on other forms of contraception such as the IUD and the pill, that were given out free, many people were still at risk and had more frequent sex with more partners. The best way to avoid pregnancies, STDs, complications of IUDs, and side effects of birth control pills is abstinence; refraining from any sexual activity.
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VERSION 2
I wanted to make teenagers and our faith in schools the focus of the introduction, so I made teenagers the subject of my first sentence, and named our trust in schools early in the third sentence. The fact that schools betray our trust and let our teens get pregnant is the thesis.
Our teenagers have been told for years that contraception will keep them safe from pregnancy. At the same time, the media engulf all of us, teens included, in so much sex it’s not shocking they’re oversexed and lead the world in teen pregnancy. We trust our schools to battle teen pregnancy by promoting partly successful contraceptive techniques, but in truth, they should be combating promiscuity by recommending the only effective contraceptive: abstinence.
The second paragraph should clearly identify the two flawed methods schools promote, and why they’re flawed. The first sentence calls out the two. The flaws are that teens won’t get an IUD and they don’t use the pill responsibly. The paragraph also cites a source and links to it.
Two long-term contraceptives schools promote—IUDs and “the pill”—are both flawed. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” Insertion can be painful even when practitioners are properly trained, and the device can cause an inflammatory reaction within the uterus. As for the contraceptive pill, it’s only effective when taken responsibly. Inconsistent dosing can cause irregular menstrual cycles and, of course, permit pregnancy. Neither the IUD nor the pill protects against sexually transmitted diseases.
Abstinence deserves a paragraph of its own to balance the one devoted to the ineffective techniques. The paragraph identifies abstinence as flawless and names its benefits before it refutes a possible objection.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and of course prevents pregnancy. It may be difficult to be known as nonsexual, but it certainly doesn’t make a teen unique. They’ll find role models among their religious classmates and those who have made a personal pledge.
The call to action comes first, as the benefits of abstinence did in the paragraph above. Then, following the same pattern, the warning at the end does the job of refuting a possible objection. It also provides a conclusion that ends with a new idea instead of repeating a claim that’s already been made.
Instead of conducting another study on contraception, or worse! passing out free condoms to students, schools should be teaching abstinence. If they don’t, they’ll be perpetuating the message that other forms of contraception are acceptable; and as a result, we’ll condemn another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, medical complications, and accidental pregnancies.
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VERSION 3
Instead of blaming the schools, this version steps back, adopts the blessed first person plural, and acknowledges that the entire culture sends the message to our vulnerable teens that they’re expected to have sex and can do so safely.
The only message it seems we are afraid to send to our children is that they can abstain from sex. Our media engulf our teens in so many sexual images, and tell them so many stories of teen sexuality, we shouldn’t be shocked that they lead the world in teen pregnancy. We’ve told them for years that contraception will keep them safe from unwanted surprises. Well, it’s a lie. We should be telling them the truth—at home, on TV, and in school—that the only truly effective contraceptive is abstinence.
The earlier conclusion hinted that schools were giving out contraceptives for free, but nothing was made of it. Certainly there can’t be a clearer endorsement of safe sex than providing the protection, so it deserves a paragraph.
Even the best contraceptives are only partly successful. The worst of them, condoms, have a high failure rate (the biggest failure being the failure to use them!). While they do cut down on the transmission of STDs, the use, misuse, or non-use of condoms is responsible for the majority of teen pregnancies.
Now that we have a paragraph for condoms, the reader will benefit from seeing the other two flawed contraceptives in paragraphs of their own. For the first time, this version makes clear that the flaw of the IUD is that teens refuse to get them.
IUDs are very effective at preventing pregnancy when teens can be convinced to install them, but they’re a tough sell. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” Insertion can be painful even when practitioners are properly trained, and the device can cause an inflammatory reaction within the uterus.
As for the contraceptive pill, it’s only effective when taken responsibly, not to be expected of teens. And when they’re not responsible, inconsistent dosing can cause irregular menstrual cycles and, of course, permit pregnancy. Not to mention neither the IUD nor the pill provide any protection against sexually-transmitted diseases.
The introduction indicated we’re all responsible to send the right message to our teens, so this version acknowledges they might need some help toughing out the hard choice to abstain against the peer pressure to have young sex.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and of course prevents pregnancy. If we care about them, we can help our teens find role models who are abstinent. Among their classmates they’re sure to know many who for religious reasons or because of their personal integrity have pledged to avoid the perils of regrettable promiscuity.
Schools don’t conduct studies, so this version drops that detail and emphasizes instead their real responsibility to educate about every option, not to assume that sex will occur, but to support the celibacy option as well.
Schools have a responsibility to promote all the options to our teenagers. When they elect instead to pass out free condoms to anyone who asks for them, they perpetuate the message that sexual activity is condoned, and that imperfect forms of contraception have the schools’ approval. With that approach, we’ll condemn another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, and accidental pregnancies.
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VERSION 4
This version drops the claim that we’re afraid to tell our teens anything. It clarifies that in all three areas from which they receive information, they need to get one clear message: abstinence is the only way to avoid pregnancy.
The way we confuse our teens about sex is inexcusable. Our media engulf them in so many explicit images and stories about casual hook-ups, we shouldn’t be surprised that they think they’re supposed to be wantonly sexual (and that they lead the world in teen pregnancy). Meanwhile, schools tell teens that safe sex is appropriate, and that contraceptives will protect them from unwanted surprises. Well, it’s a lie. We should be telling them the truth—at home, on TV, and in school—that the only safe sex is NO sex, and that the only truly effective contraceptive is abstinence.
This one paragraph combines the fatal flaws of condoms with the criticism of schools for promoting their use.
When schools promote condom use—even passing them out free to anyone who expresses an interest!—they’re advocating the worst of the contraceptives on the market. Condoms have a high failure rate, even for responsible adults. But the biggest failure of condoms for teens is the failure to use them, and to use them right, and to use them every time. The misuse or non-use of condoms is responsible for the majority of teen pregnancies.
This paragraph recommends that if we can’t get the message 100% right, we should at least promote the device that provides foolproof protection against pregnancy. (The next version would drop or refute the objections about reluctance and complications of insertion.)
Schools would be wiser to promote IUDs for pregnancy prevention. When teens can be convinced to install them, intrauterine devices are the most effective contraceptives, but they’re a tough sell. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” They may also hear from those who use them that insertion can be painful and can cause uterine inflammation.
This paragraph continues the argument plan of undermining the effectiveness of any method other than abstinence. (The next version would move it up below the paragraph on condoms.)
Like condoms, the contraceptive pill is only effective when taken responsibly. When typically forgetful or casually non-compliant teens miss a dose, the contraceptive value is lost. Even when they’re not protected, teens on the pill believe they are, and unwanted pregnancy is the natural result.
The comments about STDs have been stray irrelevancies in the earlier versions. This version uses a paragraph to remind readers who might still favor contraception that we want to protect our teens from more than JUST pregnancy.
We’re primarily concerned about teen pregnancy on this page, but it must be said, neither the IUD nor the pill provide any protection against sexually-transmitted diseases. We find it reprehensible of our schools to advocate contraceptives that leave our children vulnerable to illnesses that can live in their bodies forever, scar and disfigure them, make them impotent, even kill them.
The “role model” argument is hard to sustain. This version struggles to offer support for a non-religious basis for choosing abstinence in the face of considerable pressure to be sexually active.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—doesn’t just prevent pregnancy. It also has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and is entirely free! Abstinence also builds character. If we care about them, we can help our teens find role models who are abstinent. They don’t have to be religious to reject promiscuity; a commitment to their own personal integrity is sufficiently admirable.
This paragraph is the clearest version yet of the author’s strenuous rejection of any support schools might offer for options that place our teens at risk. It drops the interim claim that schools should present abstinence as one of many options and finally reveals its real agenda, as it should.
Schools have a responsibility to promote only the best options to our teenagers. They would never consciously suggest unsafe sex to children, but when they promote condom use or forms of supposedly “safe” sex, they are in effect advocating unsafe practices. Unless we turn that message around, we’ll be condemning another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, and accidental pregnancies.
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Newspaperlessness 
Version 1: C: The argument and purpose of the essay is made very clear; however, many sentences are present that would be more effective combine rather than separate. The middle paragraph also combines two topics instead of separating the topics into their own paragraphs.
Version 2: B: The author’s argument is clear, but the point that is made appears to be very one-sided. The second paragraph also attempts to combine multiple topics into a single paragraph with little transition between the two topics.
Version 3: A: The argument and purpose of the argument are clear. The author uses good transitions between paragraphs and includes actual scientific observations of the effectiveness of each contraceptive method.
Version 4: A: The author effective uses scientific evidence to support their own proposed claims. The author also transitions well into each paragraph.
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This exercise was very helpful to distinguish between a well-written essay and one that needs improvement. The phrasing of a statement makes a great difference in the quality of the writing. I would like to see your own opinions of the four essays so that I can better understand what you expect from a well-written essay. Using both this exercise and your own feedback in order to help me with the revision of my own writing.
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Version 1: C: The argument and purpose of the essay is made very clear; however, many sentences are present that would be more effective combine rather than separate. The middle paragraph also combines two topics instead of separating the topics into their own paragraphs.
Version 2: B: The author’s argument is clear, but the point that is made appears to be very one-sided. The second paragraph also attempts to combine multiple topics into a single paragraph with little transition between the two topics.
Version 3: A: The argument and purpose of the argument are clear. The author uses good transitions between paragraphs and includes actually observations of the effectiveness of each contraceptive method.
Version 4: A: The author effective uses scientific evidence to support their own proposed claims. The author also transitions well into each paragraph.
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Essay One: C– I don’t like how the first essay started. I used to start my essays in a similar fashion until our professor called it in one of my writing assignments as, “human truisms today.” Ever since then, I have gone back and read essays that I wrote in that manner and found that I actually did not like reading an essay that started in such a way. I find the method kind of demeaning and self-obsessed. Anyway, the rest of the article is simply unrefined. All the points are there but some explanation is clearly lacking. For example, more information on IUDs and nonsexual role models would help strengthen the essay.
Essay Two: D– This essay started smoother than the first one, however, I lost interest about halfway through. In the first paragraph, the author makes teen pregnancy out to be the biggest problem in the world, then continues to bash contraceptive methods because they don’t provide STD protection. The author gives no credit to the contraceptive methods for being 99% effective when used correctly. If the author presented this information or identified STDs as being just as much of a problem as teen pregnancy the essay would have been stronger.
Essay Three: B– This essay was the clearest and easiest to read so far. The fact that the quote in the second paragraph has a source was very helpful. In the other essays, it seemed like I was only taking the author’s word for it when a quote was presented. However, the only problem with this essay is similar to Essay Two. However, the author redeems himself by presenting infections and diseases in his closing paragraph.
Essay Four: A– Finally, this writing was clear and rather well organized. The author takes a clear stand and presents and defends it in every paragraph. He does not dismiss IUDs as not giving STD protection and painful. He simply states; with a cited, supporting quote, that IUDs can be painful and might not be a popular choice with teenagers that are at high risk for unplanned pregnancies. My favorite part about this piece is that the author presents STDs as a subproblem under his main argument. I felt that other essays lost conviction because of the fact that they seemed to be split between two issues: teen pregnancy and STDs.
Comments: I found this workshop both helpful and harmful. I feel that it created some confusion by presenting that all writing can be read and graded differently. It would be helpful if you (Professor) would also leave a comment so we can become more familiar with the way you read and grade without necessarily being defensive of the writing.
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Version 1 Grade- D
This version does not go into enough detail. There are details left out that are crucial to the essay, such as what is an IUD? There was no supporting article and was not well written at all. The ideas are also all over the place and did not exemplify good organization.
Version 2 Grade- C
This version does not show good organization. Ideas are all over the place and the essay does not seem to have been thought out. It could use more detail and supporting information.
Version 3 Grade- B
This version was not to bad but still has room for improvement. Version 3 has good structure and is organized. The essay supports claims with relevant information and shows that thought was clearly put into the essay.
Version 4 Grade- A
This version was well written, separating different ideas into different paragraphs. Version 4 flowed very nicely and went into detail whereas the other versions didn’t have as much detail. Version 4 had a supporting article which is always good to prove research was done and the essay was though out beforehand.
I thought this exercise was very useful. It really shows how different an essay on the same topic can be and how different writing sounds depending on the author’s technique, style, and experience.
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Version 1 : B. This version gets to the point and makes clear what their stance is on the matter. It backs up its claim about “partly successful contraceptive techniques” and it gives multiple reasons why abstinence is a better form of contraception.
Version 2 : C. I feel as if this version is too negative on the subject. It’s unfair, and it also seems to make all teenagers out to be irresponsible beings, and not all of us are.
Version 3 : B. This one is a little bit similar to version 1, but longer. It gives reasons why abstinence is the most effective contraceptive, and how IUDs can be painful to insert. I may like this version the best.
Version 4 : C. It is a bit long and drawn out, but it still gives reasons and claims to back up their point. But it takes on the negative feeling, like version 2.
This exercise was helpful. It will be more helpful once I know which versions got which grades and why based on the professor’s opinion.
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Version 1:
B
Version 1 seems to be my favorite. It’s relatively short and sweet and it contains the most amount of claims in the least amount of writing. It’s a very effective piece. I personally can’t pickup up a bias in the writing. It accentuates the positives in the information and eliminates the negatives.
Version 2:
B
Version 2 has a hyperlinked citation unlike version 1. It seems more drawn out than Version 1. In fact, Version 1 seems like a revised version of version 2 where it removes some useless information.
Version 3:
C
This version wastes a few lines in the first paragraph that don’t necessarily say anything about the topic of which the writing is about. The author appears to have a bias; however, it doesn’t stand out as much as Version 4.
Version 4:
C
I have reason to believe that this version would receive a slightly lower grade than version 3. It projects a tone of a biased author and it lacks transparency. This would be useful if the author provided any credentials; however, for this purpose the tactic works against the author’s favor.
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While the last two versions are longer, they just seem to take up more space instead of convey more information. I feel that they should be ranked in order; the version with the highest grade is the first and the lowest grade in the latter. All of them get point across, but the first two obviously flow better. I would rank them:
Version 1 : High B or Low A. This version has a minimal amount of opinions and is clear cut.
Version 2: Low B. It contains all the same information as the first, but is more drawn out.
Version 3: C. From the second one it is all down hill. The last two paragraphs should be merged together.
Version 4: Low C. For an argument I already find painful, this just adding salt to the wound. There is so many words, but I feel that it relays less information that the first three. There are way to many opinions such as “Abstinence building character.” I also don’t enjoy the tone of the argument.
I find everything we do in this class useful, Mr. David. This exercise included.
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Version 1 – C
Needs better thesis. Basic idea of essay is understood, but needs more information on other types of contraceptions. There should be more information on how the use of birth control and condom still isn’t good enough. Lacks evidence to statements as well, there’s no backings to author’s opinion.
Version 2 – B
Clearer understanding of the topic. Essay should be more organized. There are a few repeats in the essay. There’s good evidence behind IUD contraception and good argument on why abstinence should be promoted.
Version 3 – A
Well put together. Clean thesis, evidence, and answer to the problem (lack of abstinence).
Version 4 – A
Good evidence behind contraceptions and abstinence. Obvious which side author is on and relevance to the topic. Provides well-written argument and solution to the issue. Good thesis and clear opening and closing paragraphs.
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Really useful in terms of how an essay can be improved and outline of how a well-written essay looks (referring to version 4, my favorite). I would like to see your opinion on the essay’s, so i can refer to that as well and improve my own essays.
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Version 1:C
This article talks about abstinence and its benefits. Everything else has consequences in some way or another. The IUD is painful and it may cause problems in the uterus. The pill needs to be taken regularly, or menstrual cycles will become messed up. Abstinence protects teens from all of these problems and more, STD’s. (not great transition)
Version 2: B
This article talks about how abstinence protects everyone from problems with contraceptives and tells them that it is much better. It talks about the social aspects of not having sex and mentions that schools are promoting sex because of giving out condoms and not promoting abstinence. (good transitions)
Version 3: D
Abstinence is the only way to not get pregnant, as everything else fails. Explains each contraceptive… Schools should teach more abstinence or they will promote sex and contraceptive use.
Version 4: B
Many factors confuse teens about contraceptives use but the only good thing is abstinence. Explains each contraceptive… Contraceptives don’t always work. Abstinence always works. Safe sex is not safe.
Feedback
This activity was helpful because it showed me all of the different ways an article can be made and how an article can be made better all together.
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Version 1 – D
The first essay makes a clear point but doesn’t spend enough time explaining the ineffectiveness of other contraceptives, and is not persuasive enough.
Version 2 – C
This essay elaborates a little more on the ineffectiveness of other contraceptives, but overall isn’t all that more persuasive then the first
Version 3 – B
This essay provides much more information then the other two essays. This one is also much more persuasive and leaves room to the reader to create his own opinion.
Version 4 – A
This essay takes time to break down each form of contraceptive and point out flaws of them. This in my opinion is the most persuasive.
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I think this exercise very useful at this of the semester because this is when I am stressing most about grades.
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Version 1: C
It could be somewhat more descriptive, but the messages are conveyed well.
Version 2: D
Doesn’t have very good organization. The topics are kind of all over the place, Version 1 definitely is organized in a more professional, meaningful manner.
Version 3: B
Very descriptive, and organized well. Could use higher vocabulary words, and seems to be a little bit too wordy. Also was very informal.
Version 4: A
Worded very well, vocabulary is great and made logical progression from beginning to the end. Also is very formal.
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Also the exercise was very helpful to me. Its crazy how many ways you can say the same thing!
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Version 1 – D; Lacks opinion
Version 2 – C; The editorial was lacking a well thought out topic, made it unclear as to what the perspective was.
Version 3 – A; the way the structure and development were written made it easy to read and understand the perspective that is trying to be expressed.
Version 4- B; The of development of the editorial has some minor issues some grammar and some structure. However, it is a well developed essay that gets the point across.
I found that this exercise was very useful in helping me undersand how I can better my previous writing assignments.
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Both version 1 and 2 deserve a C because of their ability to bring up points of both sides. While V2 provides a source and more content I feel that it adds very little.
Version 3 deserves a B formats and expands upon each point for and against the argument.
Version 4 deserves a clear A for it’s research and effort toward being non-biased this lets the reader see both sides and still be convinced that the authors point of view is the correct decision. It is also not afraid to bring up the gristly details to support his or her position.
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Version 1- C; claims are made but mostly facts are stated. It lacks opinion
Version 2- D; claims not clearly made and contains errors in grammer
Version 3 – A; many examples supporting claims made throughout the essay
Version 4- B; claims are made and supported but some unnecessary and repetitive information drag the essay on.
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It was very helpful to hear different versions because it allows for side by side comparisons that prove helpful for editing my own work. I enjoy these exercises!
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#1– C There is no transition between the IUD and the pill. Also the closing is mixed with the information about Abstinence when they should be separate.
#2– A The transition between the IUD and the pill is made well here. Also the writer quoted someone with the hyperlink. The closing is also to the point without repeating itself.
#3 and #4– B These both feel to long and draged out. The biggest difference is the endings where #3 contradicts itself and #4 makes more sense. They both could be condensed to be more appealing.
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this wasn’t useless but would be better if you told us what you think about the four pieces to see how you grade.
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Version 4 is the best version of this essay because it is the most fluent and has the best language. I would give Versions 1 and 2 the same grade for this assignment as they vary in sounding more fluent and persuasive at different sections of the essay. Version 3 is the worst version and sounds too informal. The language in version three does’t seem knowledgeable or persuasive.
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Helpful in understanding the grading system but not helpful when it comes to improving my own writing style
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Version 1
Version 2
Version 3
Version 4
Feedback
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Version 4-A
Version 1&2-B
Version 3-C
Version 1 and 2 seem the same in content, but split up with words and paragraphs. Different lengths in context. version 4 seems to add detail to these and therefore making it a better. All 3 are very clear and show what their main point of view is.
Version 3 seems to shift the focus from Teaching abstinence instead of other contraceptives to teaching abstinence with contraceptives.
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Very helpful.
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Version 1 Grade- C
This version does a good job of making a clear point, but isn’t very persuasive at all. The version should have provided an article like the other three did.
Version 2 Grade- B
This version did not address the reader informally, it somewhat expanded on the claims of the first version but wasn’t organized as well as it could have been. A source was provided to an article.
Version 3 Grade- D
I honestly don’t think this version deserves a D because it was much more expansive than version one, it did provide a source, was more persuasive, but it was very informal and that’s all I focused on while reading this. I would have also graded this version a C but for the sake of following the rules, D.
Version 4 Grade- A
This version expanded greatly on the claims made in version one. The essay flowed throughout and made a logical progression from beginning to end. A source to an article was provided, and the tone was very persuasive.
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Si, fue muy util. Gracias por la cafe en la mañana. 🙂
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