Editorial Draft – best baker

The Plastic Problem

Going into many places nowadays, plastic straws are nowhere in sight. Plastic straws are slowly becoming banned everywhere. As they should be. Plastic is toxic to animals and people. Plastic is not biodegradable, and it take hundreds of years to break down into smaller plastic particles. Not to mention that plastic straws are harmful specifically to the ocean and marine life. In recent news it said, “Every piece of plastic that is being used and consumed, it sheds tiny chemicals, and they go into your body and into your food.” The plastic harms the animals in the ocean and it has only gotten worse because now the ocean isn’t just clear blue water anymore. The ocean is filled with plastic straws which shouldn’t be there.

Plastic being banned is a good step in the right direction to help the damage done to the ocean and marine life. A scuba diver once went snorkeling at a dive site in Australia, and she found 319 straws on a single 20-minute snorkel. She then went back 24 hours later, and found 294 more straws in the exact same place. However, the plastic problem is being handled. Since many food places have banned plastic, they offer the option for paper, meat, hay and metal straws. However, not everyone is on board with the plastic ban. Lots of places still give out food in plastic containers and that’s okay. 

The entire world doesn’t need to be anti-plastic, because not all of us can be. The more people who go plastic free, the better. But it’s not something all of us can do. The only thing we can hope to change is the way large corporations use plastic. If big companies like Pepsi, Coca-Cola and Nestle, found a better alternative, then maybe the use of plastic can be reduced. While we can’t do anything about that as consumers, we can use our voices, as people. Most big restaurants have already transferred from paper or other forms of straws from plastic straws. That is a great step in the right direction, but we need to try harder as a community. Avoid plastic as much as possible, especially plastic straws. Use another alternative like metal straws which are reusable and sufficient. Explain to other plastic users as to why we should try to save the ocean. Help clean up the local beaches. Be a solution to the plastic problem.

 

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17 Responses to Editorial Draft – best baker

  1. bane1900 says:

    Great first editorial draft. Good use of statistics and facts to support claims and arguments. However I feel like this editorial can be shortened quite a bit using better vocabulary and trying to state claims earlier on in the text. As a reader, its hard to follow what your main idea is because of the way some sentences are dragged out, however once corrected, this will be a great editorial piece.

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  2. lg102015 says:

    You picked a great topic to write about, and I was very interested from the title because I think using metal straws is the next best thing. However, I believe your article was a little all over the place. Your points were solid but I couldn’t tell what side you wanted. Do you want plastic to be banned ? or do you not want it to be banned? The article was very well written and as long as you are more clear with everything it will be great ! Cant wait to see it as a final draft.

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  3. lelebxby says:

    -You have good points but there’s no flow to them. Maybe try combining sentences by making connections with your claims. For example: “Since plastic isn’t biodegradable, it takes 100 of years to break down into smaller plastic particles which are toxic to people and animals.”
    – Maybe try talking about how plastic also affects the environment/plant life.
    – Use stronger language (try avoiding “said” and simple adjectives.)
    Overall it’s a really passionate piece that has a lot of heart.

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  4. roses0102 says:

    The first paragraph should also include the damage that it does to the planet and people, not just animals and marine life. This will cause the reader to have more empathy and be more compelled to read.
    The second paragraph about the scuba diver is a bit lengthy and can be shortened to be more direct and straight to the point. What effects are the plastic straws having on the animals, hurting them? Killing them? This point is not clear.
    The third paragraph need to be stronger. Your original statement is contradicted in the way that you are saying it is “okay” for people to be using plastic and “not everyone” has to do it. Don’t settle, keep your argument strong and clear. You can state the other sides opinion without agreeing to it.

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  5. kraemercali says:

    I think this a great topic to write on, but I feel like all your thoughts are a little jumbled up. all the information you want in your piece is there I just think maybe if you go back and organize your thoughts/information in a more effective way, it will deliver your point better. I understood you were against plastic straws, but maybe state that a little more bluntly upfront. It felt like you were easing into the topic, which maybe was intentional (funnel approach), but if you weren’t going for that I think you should be stronger in your opinion earlier on in the writing. you were really passionate about it in your closing paragraph which I liked because it drove your point home. Simple grammar mistakes should be looked at as well to overall improve presentation of your piece. All in all, its a good piece that has a lot of information on the topic, I just think you would be able to make it so much better if it was presented in a slightly more organized way!

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  6. roses0102 says:

    I’ll be back to provide peer review

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  7. Valcom says:

    The topic that you chose is a very good topic and I think has some good potential to be a good Editorial. The first thing that I noticed is that you are not upfront with your point of view. I believe you should state early on whether you are for or against the use of plastic, and in your case against. The second paragraph is a good area where you seem to be telling a story and dragging it on, by shortening and cutting out words and rewriting it to be shorter.
    The funnel approach was very present in the editorial because you “funneled” your way to the topic, but it was not done wrong but could be changed by being blunt upfront. One drastic change is that you do not stick to what you want the reader to know, instead you go from being wrong to making it seem that plastic is ok, I would change the sentence structure towards the third paragraph to prevent the reader from getting a mixed reaction.

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  8. yankeefan25 says:

    I will be back to provide peer review

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  9. lg102015 says:

    I’ll be back to peer review on this one

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  10. 1.) The first paragraph is a bit repetitive when it comes to saying that the plastic harms the animals. Maybe phrasing it differently would produce more of a response pulling on emotions.
    2.) Avoid using contractions when writing formally. In paragraph one “shouldn’t” was used and should be corrected to should not.
    3.) Paragraph two needs to flow a bit more smoothly. The sentences sounded a little choppy when compared to the beginning of your first paragraph. Maybe making the sentences into longer more complex ones will be the solution.
    4.) “The ban on plastic is a exhilarating first step in the right direction to help reduce the impact on marine and ocean life.” may be a better way at phrasing paragraph two’s first sentence.
    5.) The contraction “that’s” at the end of the second paragraph should be changed to “that is” instead.
    6.) Overall all contractions must be fixed. The third paragraph is riddled with them.
    7.) I liked the attempt to reflect the first paragraph saying “that is a great step in the right direction,” but it may have been strengthened if worded differently.
    8.) I also like how you gave solutions to the issue. It gives a message of hope to people.

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  11. I like how throughout the editorial you present the problem and how it is affecting people and identifying the the cause of it. What is also good is that you present a solution at the end. Great organization and good subject.

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  12. I’ll be back for peer review

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  13. I’ll be back to provide peer review for this one.

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  14. lelebxby says:

    I’ll be back to provide peer review.

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  15. I’ll be back to provide peer review.

    Like

  16. bane1900 says:

    I’ll be back to provide peer review for this one.

    Like

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