Editorial Draft- lg102015

Reliving a Rape

Should rapiest still have the right of an education at the same school as their victim? In upstate New York, a teenage girl was rapped by another boy in her graduating class. Not only was she a rape victim who had to overcome the traumatic experience that just happened to her, but she also had to face her rapist everyday in school for all of her senior year. Taylor was 17 years old when this incident occurred. Unlike a lot of people, Taylor was not afraid to speak up about what happened to her. She filed a police report right away, but offortunitley her rapiest and her had to wait until his court date in order for anything to be done.

 Niagara Wheatfield High School follows the “innocent until proven guilty” rule. This meant that they believe that Mr Dowdy, who is Taylor’s rapiest has the right for a proper education just like anyone else in the school. Taylor had to start off her senior year with seeing Mr Dowdy everyday in the hallways. There were times where she couldn’t get herself to go to school, because all she could think about was having to see him. It is time for schools to care more about just their students education and more about the lives and feelings of their students.

As children we are told to always tell an adult whenever something serious has happened, so they can help resolve the issue. That is exactly what Taylor did and nothing was resolved. She told the principal of the high school how seeing Mr Dowdy made her feel and all she was told was that the matter would be resolved, but it never was. It finally took Taylor’s mother to make a strongly worded post on facebook about the school and the steps they are not taking, for students to take some action and plan a walkout on Taylor’s behalf.

The way the school district handled Taylors case was unacceptable. She voiced the way she was feeling and the school did not do anything about it. It is bad enough that Taylor was raped, but that fact that she had to see her rapiest everyday and relive the horrific experience she went through is ridiculous. It is time that we stand up for what is right, and show children that when you speak up about something, there will be a change. There were many things that could have been done to help Taylor feel more comfortable. Schedules could have been changed, Mr Dowdy could have had someone walk with him to make sure he did not try to go up tp or look at Taylor. There are many cases like Taylor’s in the United States and in the world, we as people of the United States need to take action to keep our children safe at all time and to feel comfortable in a school setting.

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14 Responses to Editorial Draft- lg102015

  1. bestbaker123 says:

    Your first sentence had me hooked and you have passion, but your writing seems choppy. You start off with asking a question about whether a rapist should have the right to an education at the same place as their victim. You wait until the last paragraph to give a definitive answer. This could cause your readers to lose interest, so maybe answer that question definitively before going onto the rest of your paragraphs. I suggest starting with something like “No, it is not fair to Taylor and she should have never have been put in that position…” and then go on to what she had to go through. You say something like that at the very end of your writing, which most readers wouldn’t have even got to. You have some run on sentences with missing punctuation, which makes your sentences confusing. You have a lot of grammatical errors such as misspelling “rapist” and not putting the period after “Mr.Dowdy.” I think your writing would be better if you make your sentences shorter and use less, but more effective words. You have a good point and the right claims, you just have to make it flow better.

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  2. I thought that you had a nice hook on your first sentence which caught my interest. There are many grammar mistakes and a few run on sentences. Long sentences can lose the interest and focus of your readers. Other than that, you were able to get straight to the point and found myself agreeing with this.

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  3. After reading through your editorial the first couple issues that I began seeing is with spelling and punctuation. You misspelled a couple words throughout your editorial and that happens for everyone. Just make sure you reread your pieces at the end and grammar should never be a problem. Secondly, You have a quite bit of run on sentences that can be split in your advantage. Also, your last sentence can be shortened to make is short and sweet rather than long and choppy. You can change it to something like, “Although she filed a police report right away, nothing could be done until the rapist’s court date occurred”.

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  4. Review your multiple typos including how to spell rapist. Also, I believe you tried to spell unfortunately, so I believe if you reread your work, these spelling errors would become apparent. Avoid using contractions as well. This is a formal writing piece and should be treated as such. Breaking up the length of your sentences may also help it not sound as choppy.

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  5. lucbe219 says:

    While reading your editorial, I realized that your beginning question was not clearly answered with your own opinion until the last paragraph. Also, the sentences were a bit confusing because it read more like you were reporting the incident more than giving your opinions on it. More over, there are numerous spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes. For example, one ongoing mistake you made was that you neglected to add a period after mister when you said “Mr. Dowry.” Also, there were a few run-on sentences that could be quickly fixed by separating sentences and adding a few more words.

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  6. Be back to peer review!

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  7. athenapup4 says:

    Looking at your first paragraph be careful as to what information you’re putting out there. You state that the female was raped by “another boy in her graduating class” meaning she was once raped before by a boy in her graduating class and then went through it again. However throughout your writing the first “supposed” attack was never discussed. The ending of your second paragraph is also a little runny. There’s a lot of “ands” in it. Instead try separating your thoughts using comas rather than “ands”. Watch your grammar and sentencing. There’s many spelling errors and many sentences that are far too long. Too long of a sentence can lose the readers attention. For example, the very last sentence is two sentences in one. Where the coma is that could have been a period an you could have changed the second part after that coma to it’s own sentence.

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  8. gcatt310 says:

    “It is time for schools to care more about just their students education and more about the lives and feelings of their students.” I knew what you were trying to say but this last sentence made this second paragraph confusing at the end. If reworded, this would be a strong sentence to close the paragraph with. I liked this argument because schools do not pay attention to the mental health of their students.
    “It is time that we stand up for what is right, and show children that when you speak up about something, there will be a change.” I found myself agreeing with this. Children need to be taught by example. This was nicely done and straight to the point. Only grammar and sentence errors made it somewhat confusing to understand, however I was still able to follow your argument and agree.

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  9. hershey515 says:

    I’ll be back to write a peer review

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  10. gcatt310 says:

    back for peer review

    Like

  11. I’ll be back to provide peer review for this one.

    Like

  12. athenapup4 says:

    be back to review this one

    Like

  13. I’ll be back to write a peer review.

    Like

  14. bestbaker123 says:

    be back to peer review this one

    Like

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