LTE for Portfolio—iamsleepy

 

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To the Editor:

Re “The Cruel Farce of Cutting Food Stamps” (Op-Ed, July. 29):

As someone who grew up eating and living off of food stamps, I disagree with the Trump Administration cutting food stamps. Imagine the millions of families that are starving and the kids that see their parents only at night, because of low wages and working 2 jobs.

Rob Understander, a 66-year old, qualified for benefits when he has around $1 million in assets. While, some families that are in need could not qualify. The administration said that there were evidence that some low-income families are excessive spenders and that they should suspend the program to save millions or even billions of money.

There are millions of people who are in need but the administration is closing the program (A program that helped plenty of low-wage families that will later live on to a better life).

I understand that they don’t want millionaires from getting food stamps and benefits, which they don’t need, but they are also keeping the low-wage/income families from getting food stamps and benefits. Instead of taking away the program, they could alter the current rules for people to qualify for food stamps and benefits.

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4 Responses to LTE for Portfolio—iamsleepy

  1. davidbdale says:

    OK, sleepy, let’s get started.

    First, separate your letter, no matter how short, into paragraphs that contain one main idea each. Use the Opinion article you read as an example of paragraphing. Some are longer, some quite short; each contains one main idea. Yours breaks down as follows:

    1.As someone who grew up eating and living off of food stamps, I disagree with the Trump Administration cutting food stamps.

    2. I understand that they don’t want millionaires from getting food stamps and benefits, which they don’t need, but they are also keeping the low-wage/income families from getting food stamps and benefits. Rob Undersander, a 66-year old, qualified for benefits when he has around $1 million in assets. While, some families that are in need could not qualify.

    3. The administration said that there were evidence that some low-income families are excessive spenders and that they should suspend the program to save millions or even billions of money.

    4. There are millions of people who are in need but the administration is closing the program (A program that helped plenty of low-wage families that will later live on to a better life).

    5. Imagine the millions of families that are starving and the kids that see their parents only at night, because of low wages and working 2 jobs.

    6. Instead of taking away the program, they could alter the current rules for people to qualify for food stamps and benefits.

    You don’t need 6 paragraphs to carry the argument you’ve built, but you’ve arranged your ideas in such a way that they don’t hold together in sections as they should so that they can be neatly divided into paragraphs.

    1. A personal credential that gives you expertise and gives you a chance to bond with your readers could be combined with 5 to further the sketch of the family that depends on assistance in a culture that makes it nearly impossible to raise a family without overworking.

    Likewise, 2 and 6 belong together. The rest I leave up to you, but a radical re-ordering of the sequence of claims is the first need here.

    Please respond to this advice so I’ll know whether I’m helping or not. Put the post back into Feedback Please after you’ve made substantial revisions or if you need to ask a clarifying question (or object that I’m not very helpful). I appreciate that you’ve clicked the box for Feedback, but nothing is as effective as an active engagement with the “recursive” process of responding to, and providing, two-way feedback.

    Thank you for the opportunity to interfere. 🙂 I enjoy the interaction.

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    iamsleepy, you didn’t make a specific Feedback request. I will return to offer feedback, but first I’ll respond to your classmates who gave me guidance about the sort of responses they wanted.

    Like

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