Thesis:
The American Dream has been taken away by the greedy one percent of income earners in the United States. The United States has a greedy tendency to take an unnecessary amount of money from the vast majority of workers, giving them no benefits for the work they do, and give no care to what problems arise in the 90 percent of income earners in the United States. Lawmakers in the U.S. take no initiative to bless the 90 percent majority of the U.S. population with some benefits that would improve the quality of their life. Lawmakers have been corrupted by the 1% of income earners in the U.S. to shift the U.S. earners income to the rich 1%, resulting in no benefits, no rational pay for certain jobs, and no logical care for the wellness of the american people.
Evidence:
In the New York Times article, “How Europeans View America”, the author provides the reader with an outside view of how twisted the American dream is in reality. This is the perfect article describing how distorted the American values have become. This article shows a comparison between how america treats its average worker, versus how europe treats its average worker. This gives the reader a whole new perspective on how achievable the american dream is.
Reading the evidence the article gives us, it provides the reader with more insight to how much the US economy is being manipulated. We see that paid parental leave is scarcely in existence, with only a few U.S. states providing some slight type of parental leave. We also see that the U.S. has little consideration for the health of the U.S. population, if it means that the rich one percent can scrape in more income from the people, by making food addictive and slightly unhealthy, so that the population is forced to spend money on their addiction, and pay to fix their problems. The U.S. government refuses to pay for healthcare for the population, in return, they get a little bit more income from doing so.
Sources:
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Sub2MigzFilms
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thefrontbottom
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yankeefan25
Newspaperlessness 
I liked the Writing Plan and would prefer to have read your essay on the Wealth Inequality topic than another essay about Facial Recognition, but that’s my problem, not yours. You did credible work here.
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Hey, Tokens. This lays the groundwork for a good plan. Be careful not to spoil a good thing with exaggeration and imprecision.
The closer you stick to the already alarming differences between American worker benefits and European worker benefits, the more successful you’ll be.
Consider this approach:
Limit yourself to an investigation of the disparities in worker benefits. In 1000 words you can compare the actual numbers for 1) Paid vacation in general, 2) Paid parental leave, 3) Minimum wage, 4) Universal healthcare.
Or a different set of parameters if you think of better comparisons. But leave out the food additives and non-worker aspects of the video that don’t contribute to a theme of your own.
Once you develop your own clear, narrowly-defined Comparison thesis, you can avoid making the reckless accusations that characterize your current Thesis section. For example: Don’t say America takes money from its workers to give to the rich if what you mean is CORPORATIONS take all the profits from business leaving little for their employees. And be careful with your numbers. Your 90% of Americans plus the 1% you name a couple of times adds up to 91%, not 100%, which careful readers find very confusing.
Is this helpful?
Obviously you won’t want to spend time revising your Writing Plan if you’ve already posted an Op-Ed Draft, but use the feedback to improve your REAL post and use this as a touchstone to show how far you’ve advanced beyond your plan.
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thank you professor, this feedback is eye opening and very helpful.
what do you mean by the bottom portion underneath “is this helpful”?
thank you for your help professor, have a nice day.
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