We Need To Change For The Kids
Shaming parents who deviate from a 24-hour-surveillance approach to parenting is creating a generation of unfulfilled, fully-dependent, helpless, anxious kids who will never leave home and have lives of their own. Today’s culture is calling mothers ‘careless monsters’ for allowing their kids to complete simple tasks in the real world alone. Women who are doing their best do not deserve to be shamed for the way they care for their child. Children are going through their early years with very little social interactions and no independence from their parents. People everywhere should be made aware that our kids deserve more in life than what we are giving them.
A woman named Kim Brooks wrote a novel about her experience after finding out there was a warrant out for her arrest. Kim had simply ran into a store for five minutes to run an errand and left her 5-year-old son playing happily on his tablet in the backseat of the car. She immediately felt guilty after finding out a bystander had witnessed the events and reported her to the local police. At some point in her wallows Kim realized that she wasn’t a horrible mother and that today’s society is built around fear. Most of today’s adults had been left in cars, parks and even their houses for up to multiple hours alone when they were children. But today there are no kids playing in parks or being left in cars for even just a couple of minutes without an adult.
A kids childhood is such an important part of shaping them into who they are as a person. The assistant director for the Center of Childhood Resilience, Tali Raviv explains that children are no longer put in situations where they are able to practice their emotional skills. She states they no longer learn “how to start a friendship, how to start a relationship, what to do when someone’s bothering you, how to solve a problem.” The first step to help the future leaders of America is to give them more recess, less homework and have more fun group activities. Students interactions with each other is more important than with their parents. Children observe and adapt to other children in the way they dress, act, and even talk. It is best for them to communicate with others their own age because they begin to talk and play and learn skills like how to negotiate.
Once children have gained more courage and independence they will be much more ready to go into the real world. Parents should feel safer allowing their loved ones to venture out more if they feel more comfortable. Adults, like kids, are worried about social norms and how others perceive them. Instead they should stick to what they know is right. Lots of parents have so much fear for their kids in the world and it shouldn’t be so difficult to allow them to do tasks like go to the convenience store for an errand. Many other mothers like Kim have had problems with letting their child to be free without thinking of police or peers personal views of neglect. Parents everywhere should face their fears for the sake of their kids and how important it is for them to have a healthy childhood.
Your first sentence gets us off to a good start, Ajuuy. We have little doubt what your focus will be.
The rest of the paragraph adds additional statements that also sound like thesis statements. They’re not, but their similarity of tone and structure do confuse us a bit because they all sound like you’re re-loading instead of firing away at your target. That’s a subtle effect to see or fix, but if you can catch my meaning, it’s something you can do to improve your work. Check the “Bottom-line Grammar” page for help with your single quotation marks.
I’ve mentioned before that Brooks’s book is NOT a NOVEL.
Hyperlink to your source so we can find Brooks’s work with a single click.
“value language” like “playing happily” and “guilty” and “wallows” and “horrible” help us understand your point of view, Ajuuy. That’s good strategy that you need to continue into your last sentences also where we’re left to decide for ourselves what’s important about “today’s adults” and “today’s kids.”
This sentence illustrates the danger of using singular subjects to make general (or plural) statements, Ajuuy. One kid is not THEM. But you can’t say “part of shaping HIM into what HE is” without being sexist. What’s the solution? One is to use plurals. The other is to get rid of the people altogether. But when your sentence is about kids growing into adults, you’re stuck with people. So:
But you didn’t ask me for advice on grammar. Your Raviv paragraph transitions well from “the protected child who can’t be left in the car” to “the child who can’t make a friend.”
What you don’t pull off yet is the trick of explaining that the core problem is the parents’. You might need to read a bit about actual vs imagined dangers to decide for yourself how much you want to indict parents for over-reacting to perceived threat. Something in a link I followed from your own writing plan made a claim like, “A child would have to be left alone in a car for 750,000 hours to justify the fear that they’d be abducted.” On the other hand, you might find parents are justified in their fear, in which case, you’ll want to be more sympathetic to a real social problem as opposed to the neurosis of a few fearful mommies.
In other words, maybe Kim is actually wrong and the smarter parents who are protecting their kids are making the best of a bad situation. Either way, it’s the heart of your essay to decide whether the threats are real. Your answer might have to be fairly nuanced.
Was that helpful?
You were worried about my thesis in the Writing Plan about how I would be trying to combine too many ideas. I would like to know how I did with that and the overall structure. Thank you.