The Great Leader isn’t so great after-all
As expected from a leader whose cooperativeness and physique are undeniably inversely proportional to his nation’s level of malnutrition, Kim Jong Un, true to form, has yet again gone back on his word: this time launching missiles in Japan’s general direction just hours after an agreement to resume denuclearization talks. With this being the second incident in just the last two years that a missile came terribly close to Japan’s territories, it is clear that, if left to their own devices, North Korea would ironically end up being true to their only priority – regularly pumping up their perceived level of global danger.
North Korea has found itself to be at the center of a multifaceted deadlock, involving not only the United States, but also its neighbors: especially China, whose lenient policies and surreptitious aid to the dictatorship wholly caused decades’ worth of successive U.S administrations’ negotiations to be fruitless.
Despite being comically infamous in the meme-related cultures of the Chinese and Russian Internet (described as terribly overweight and having horrible aim due to not landing a hit on Japan even once), if the current seemingly unresolvable deadlock were to spin out of control, Kim Jong Un very well might achieve his amoral destructive goals, resulting in serious consequences: costing the lives of possibly hundreds of millions.
Experts claim that armed intervention attempts would be useless due to the potential immunity of North Korean weapons to cyberattacks as a result of their secluded nature, as well as due the risk of neighboring countries becoming victims of collateral damage.
The only viable solution is seemingly to make China double down on owning up to its responsibilities as a key player in this unresolvable situation. According Victor Cha, the former director of Asian Affairs at the National Security Council, “China’s economic ties to the North should be the leverage that forces change, not the reason it never comes.” Additionally, Victor and other experts claim that it is China’s responsibility to “clamp down on domestic Chinese entities doing business with North Korea.”, thereby cracking down on North Korean support in general. However, as always, it should be a delicate balance, with the US not losing its existing leadership positions in the East as a result of China dominating the area’s policies, simultaneously preventing global catastrophes -while there is still time…
Hey, Morra! Happy to help.
Let’s fix your title first.
The Great Leader Isn’t So Great After All
(Experts argue what words should be capitalized in a title, but the safest approach is to capitalize them all, especially if you’re inclined to capitalize none of them.)
Next, let’s simplify your sentences. Ordinarily, I would provide some overall content or strategic advice, but I can’t tell for sure what you’re arguing, and the reason I’m confused is your sentences. So. I just want to streamline them to see if we agree on the basics.
As expected, Kim Jong Un—whose size and manners are as small as his country’s hunger is huge—has gone back on his word, launching missiles in Japan’s general direction, this time just hours after an agreement to resume denuclearization talks with the US. This second missile threat against Japan in two years makes clear that an unchecked North Korea is committed to using the nuclear threat as diplomacy.
China’s surreptitious aid to the dictatorship has undermined US negotiations through several administrations.
While the Chinese and Russian internet ridicule Kim with memes mocking his weight and bad aim (He keeps missing Japan!), failure to resolve the deadlock with the US could have deadly serious consequences for millions of victims of a nuclear attack.
Experts warn that armed intervention would be thwarted by the immunity of North Korean weapons to cyber attacks, and neighboring Russia and South Korea would likely bear the brunt of the collateral damage.
We need China’s cooperation to reduce the tension. According Victor Cha, the former director of Asian Affairs at the National Security Council, “China’s economic ties to the North should be the leverage that forces change, not the reason it never comes.” It is China’s responsibility to isolate North Korea by “clamp[ing] down on domestic Chinese entities doing business with North Korea,” he concludes. The balance is delicate as always. The US must not relinquish its leadership in the East to Chinese domination of regional policies. Only careful diplomacy and leveraged power can prevent a global catastrophe, while there is still time.
You don’t have to write like me, Morra. (And you clearly don’t need help from me on how to think.) But you lose the impact of your ideas when you adorn them with so many shifting modifiers that their primary impact is blunted.
Do you want to try another draft before I shut down the feedback cycle for this assignment?
Thank you for your feedback! I will review it thoroughly when I have free time
Yes, I would like to try another draft before the deadline, if possible.
Unsurprisingly, tyrant Kim Jong Un has almost instantly dishonored an agreement to resume denuclearization talks, launching missiles in Japan’s general direction. This second missile threat to Japan in two years clearly demonstrates North Korea’s goals of using weapons in lieu of diplomacy. Intimidating the rest of the world is the dictatorship’s priority.
While Kim Jong Un is typically perceived to be a meme legend of the Russian and Chinese internet, failed negotiations could result in a nuclear attack with millions of potential victims. Alternative deadlock solutions, such as armed intervention attempts, are deemed to be useless because of North Korea’s cyberattack immunity, and the collateral damage would certainly affect Russia and South Korea.
In our problem, China is a key player, who has only previously surreptitiously aided North Korea, thereby nullifying the effectiveness of previous US negotiations. According to Victor Cha, the former director of Asian Affairs at the National Security Council, “China’s economic ties to the North should be the leverage that forces change, not the reason it never comes.” He concludes that it is on China to isolate North Korea by “clamp[ing] down on domestic Chinese entities doing business with North Korea.” However, in order to preserve the existing balance, China’s political domination of the East should not compromise the leadership positions of the U.S. A global catastrophe can only be prevented by the combined diplomatic efforts from all deadlock participants, while there is still time.
Professor, could you please give as much feedback to this draft as possible? I assume the feedback loop is closing soon, as we are beginning to work on our Op-Ed draft.
Could you give feedback regarding the style of my draft and the presence of all the necessary editorial components? Also, I am most likely missing out on things I am not even aware of; I don’t know what I don’t know after-all. If there is something I could improve on, please let me know!
I’ll be back to peer review