CLASS 12: THU OCT 10

Riddle: The Goose Riddle

In Class Exercise: Things Better Left Unsaid

27 Responses to CLASS 12: THU OCT 10

  1. Valcom says:

    [] Class started with a Geese riddle. The riddle asked who do the geese know to follow. It’s a trick question because it is the one in the front. The geese rotate turns of who is in the front which would mean the geese all know where they are going.
    [] We then worked on “Things better left unsaid” for the reaming of the class. We were given the example sentence “Teenage drivers are being ticket for speeding proportionally more often than other drivers.”
    [] One major mistake is adding an unnecessary introduction to multiple comparisons. As often is always followed by as and more often is always followed by than. The use of grammar and punctuation is very important when writing.
    [] The use of misplaced modifiers can add unnecessary language in a sentence. Choice of wording can impact a sentence greatly, best result is to simply, age-biased instead of young or teenage.
    [] Never waste time on rhetorical questions unless you know how to use them properly. Most people do not know how to use them properly.

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  2. morra2024 says:

    10/10/2019
    0. Geese riddle: the geese follow the leading goose, flying just above it to get the “lift” provided by that goose’s turbulence.

    1. Today’s class was mainly about grammar. Main takeaway: avoid overcomplicating sentences, as it takes up unnecessary space, thereby decreasing the number of total points an author can make. Rule of thumb for myself: if words can be left out without changing the descriptiveness of the original message, leave them out. Watch out for and, if possible, avoid using these grammatical techniques:
    a) unnecessary “if/then” and “may/may not” ( especially if we don’t care about one of the potential outcomes) sentences;
    b) causing confusion by using misplaced modifiers;
    c) unnecessary “one of these” and “the type of” statements as they are usually redundant;
    d) rhetorical questions;
    e) sentences beginning with the words “by” or “with” – they’re tricky to use correctly and, therefore, should generally be avoided or replaced with something else.

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  3. Riddle (The Goose Riddle)
    – They fly slightly higher than the lead goose to benefit from the drag/lift given off by the lead goose’s turbulence which saves energy. They change the leader so to all benefit from that drag.
    – Wolf pack leaders lead from the back to make sure they are going no faster than the slowest member and to make sure everyone is safe.
    Things Better Left Unsaid
    – Global search (Three dots on google chrome) Find_____ (^you^, ^you, .^There is…, .^There are…, .^It is…, .^By^, .^With^ ) and delete all instances from editorial

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  4. bane1900 says:

    1. A child who is brought up by parents who vote, is more likely to vote.
    2. Young adults are more likely to vote if they were brought up in a family that votes.
    3. Genetic testing demonstrates that residents of death row often spend the rest of their lives there for crimes they may or may not have committed.
    4. Harvard is considerably difficult to get into compared to Yale.
    5. Admissions officers are more likely to admit students of the same race even when they don’t appear to be prejudiced in other ways.
    6. My parole officer suspects me of violating my parole if I don’t show up to one of our meetings
    7. People who don’t buy this car don’t understand that the savings in gas will be higher than the purchase price of the car.
    8. Children who are abused growing up, are more likely to abuse their children.
    9. Cars that switch from gasoline to electric power help drivers save money by getting better mileage.
    10. With traffic conditions in mind, car shoppers have to decide between hybrids or conventional engines.
    11. Cars that switch power sources should be more interesting to consumers.

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  5. Notes 10/10/19
    Things Better Left Unsaid
    . Unnecessary If/Then:
    – Sentences that add unnamed people and place them into a cause/effect situation are unnecessary.
    – Using “If” and “Then” can complicate a simple idea.
    . Accusing the Reader
    – Dragging the reader into the argument can also complicate the claim.
    – Avoid using the word “You” and other words containing “You,” such as “yourself” or “your”.
    . Complicating with May/May Not
    – “May or may not” in a sentence can confuse the reader and can give them the wrong idea.
    . Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars
    – When we unnecessarily introduce a multiple comparison, we often create syntax trouble.
    – Sentences containing “as often as” should always have the word “as” on both sides of the word “often”.
    . Misplaced Modifiers
    – Complicating our simple sentences also makes it more likely we’ll misplace our modifiers.
    .One of these / One of those
    – Using “one of these” or “one of those” in a sentence is unnecessary.
    . Sentences beginning with “by” or “with” are easy to mishandle.
    . Rhetorical questions are terrible substitutes for bold, clear claims as thesis statements or topic sentences.

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  6. voxpopuli75 says:

    – It is better to make complicated claims in fewer words.
    -Simple sentences get your point across more clearly.
    – There is many ways to add unnecessary complication to sentences.
    -Unnecessary If/then = adding unnamed people into your writing and placing them in an
    unnecessary cause/effect situation. This only gets in the way of the
    simple logic of the sentence.
    -Accusing the reader = addressing the reader directly in your writing.You should not do this
    because the reader is only reading to learn, not to be lectured.
    -Complicating with May/May not = You should not use “may or may not” in your writing because it
    could lead your readers to drawing the conclusion.
    -Falling off the uneven parallel bars = Using multiple comparisons can create syntax issues and
    makes them more complex. For example “Teenage drivers
    are ticketed as often if not more often than older drivers.”
    -Misplaced Modifiers = The more complicated you make your sentences the more likely you are
    to misplace modifiers. Keep your sentences simple in order to avoid this
    mistake.
    – One of these/ One of those = Don’t create categories of people when you don’t have too. Don’t
    use “One of these”/ “One of those” in your writing.
    -The kind of/ The sort of/ The type of = Avoid using “The kind of”, “The sort of”, ETC in your
    writing.
    -There is/ There are = The weakest claim you can make is “There is”
    – Any Sentence beginning with “by” = Sentences that start with “by” are not always wrong but it is
    easy to misuse. By clauses should often not be placed in
    the beginning of the sentence.
    -Any sentence beginning with “with” = Similar to by, It is easy to wrongly use with in the beginning
    of your sentences. Avoid using it as your first word if you
    can.
    -Rhetorical Questions = There is a wrong and a right way to use rhetorical questions. They can be
    effective for small claims but for large claims such as thesis statements
    they are not ideal.

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  7. mpsj13 says:

    Things better left unsaid
    – Leave out if/then. This unnecessarily complicates the issue.
    *If the driver looks as if he or she might be a teenager, then he or she is more likely to be pulled
    -Search your work for “. You”/ “. By”/”. It is”/. With”/ . There is (are) Do not start a sentence with the.
    -Uneven parallel
    * Teenage drivers are ticketed as often if not more often than older drivers.
    Should be: Teenage drivers are ticketed as often as, if not more often than, older drivers.
    -One of
    * Speeding is one of those types of traffic violations where the officers will often make the mistake of pulling over younger drivers more often than they should.
    Should be: Officers pull over younger-drivers more often than they should for speeding.
    -Kind of Sort of Type of
    * The kind of prejudice I’m talking about is when a traffic officer pulls over a driver for speeding just because he or she thinks the driver is young.
    Should be: Pulling over drivers because they look young is “age bias,” plain and simple.
    -The weakest verbs are “is” and “be”
    -Rhetorical Questions should be used sparingly and effectively.

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  8. ajuuy7 says:

    Today’s riddle was about the goose in front of the group flying a little bit lower than the others and all the geese know the way so they take turns taking on the wind pressure.
    1. Unnecessary If/then: This sentence added pronouns for the driver and the police officer that made the sentence messy so instead it is better to generalize and know what part of the sentence you want to be featured.
    2.Accusing the Reader: Any form of the word “you” should not be brought into almost any writing.
    3.Complicating with May/May Not: It could give readers the wrong idea so it is better to focus on one or the other.
    4.Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars: The phrases “as often as” and “more often than” have to have the last word in each but they are often forgotten.
    5.Misplaced Modifiers: Misplacing a modifier could complicate the intentions for a sentence.
    6. One of these / One of those: Saying a reputation of a certain type of person complicates the sentence.
    7. The kind of / The sort of / The type of: Instead of saying the “kind of person” he is just say what he is because there is no other information about him.
    8. There is / There are: Instead of “there is” use something more compelling like “exists.”
    9. Any sentence beginning with “By” : Bringing the word ‘by” in can create confusion and it it better to leave it out.
    10. Any sentence beginning with “With”: Sentences with “with” can be mishandled and it may be better to not use it.
    11. Rhetorical Questions: Do not use rhetorical questions when talking about bold claims.

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  9. lucbe219 says:

    Today’s class started with a goose riddle where we needed to figure out why the geese fly in a “V” shape so they can cut through the air while also keeping the group together. After, we went over eleven ways to complicate a good complex sentence. It makes a sentence much more complicated by using second person pronouns and it needs to be avoided. Also, other words that need to be avoided are there is, there are, it is, and by. If comparing, you need two places to put as. For example, as often, needs to be followed with as for the phrase to make sense and be grammatically correct. Misplaced modifiers can kill a sentence more than just leaving them out by giving the wrong idea about what the sentence is saying. An additional part of writing that we should avoid is asking rhetorical questions in our papers.

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  10. bmdpiano says:

    NOTES:

    Riddle: Goose Riddle
    – The geese follow the one in the front of the V, but they each rotate.
    – They all know the way.

    Things Better Left Unsaid: Mistakes that can be corrected
    – Simplify and add vitality to claims, but some are just errors.
    Good original sentence: “Teenage drivers are being ticketed for speeding proportionally more often than other drivers.”

    1. Adding unnecessary causal claim: This includes if/then. This complicates a simple idea. This version adds too many people and makes it confusing when trying to talk about many people at once.

    2. Accusing the reader: The reader never wants to be involved; they just want to know what the writing says. Never use “you” unless it is instructional.

    3. Complicating with May/May Not: This complicates the claim. Which one are we paying attention too? There is ambiguity.

    4. Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars: “Teenage drivers are ticketed as often if not more often than older drivers.” (BAD) They should be constructed as the ones below.
    Teenage drivers are ticketed as often as…
    Teenage drivers are ticketed more often than…

    5. Misplaced Modifiers: Create categories that are modified. Unnecessary “who are” language.
    Divers who are young —–> Teenage drivers, young drivers

    6. One of these/One of those: “Kind of person”
    There is no reason to create a category. Readers do not know what that “kind of person” is like.

    7. The kind of/ sort of/ type of: Similar to the last one. Stick with plurals and categories.

    8. There is/there are: A weak claim to use “is.” Use words like “discriminate or target” to make the claim stronger and more convincing.

    9. Beginning with “By”: Not about the action, but what we know. It is invalid.

    10. Beginning with “With”: Can be used correctly. “With” means the same as “because of.” Do not start a sentence with that.

    11. Rhetorical Questions: Can be used, but must be used well. Readers shouldn’t make the claims for you. Asking rhetorical questions should provide the answer in the next few words. Do not leave readers hanging.

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  11. Notes 10/10
    ~
    -Began class with a riddle about geese flying. The geese follow the first goose in the V and that gives them the strength to keep flying.
    -Spent majority of class discussing things that are better left unsaid and de-complicating sentences.
    -De-complicated our own sentences.

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  12. 10/10
    NOTES
    Began class with the goose riddle which is questioning who is out front in their v formation.
    They are all following the one in the front as you can probably guess from the picture of them flying.

    Learned of many techniques that are popular to use, but may ruin your writing or argument. You don’t want to incorporate anything that may contradict your argument. These are very simple and easy to correct in your advantage. We were giving examples to how we can fix these issues in our writings.
    Example: Try not to use may or may not as they can very much contradict each other. In the example given we were told that the teen drivers may or may not have been given traffic violations for something they committed. If you argument is that teen drivers are being targeted you wouldn’t say may in that situation because that is implying that it’s their faults they are get violations when your argument is meant to be that they’re just being targeted for age.

    Example: Writing an argumentative or persuasive piece of writing should never be filled with you’s.
    If you insert the word you into your sentences the reader may not follow your argument as they believe they are getting accused of something. Using “you” in some sentences should be replaced with we before the reader gets offended and stops reading.

    Example: There is/ There are can be the biggest mistakes for sentences, but also the easiest fix. You don’t want to start your sentences with these techniques because at that point your most likely able to simplify your sentence and make it short and sweet rather than that run on sentence that ruins part of your writing.

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  13. ahntkd99 says:

    10/10
    Goose Riddle
    – Gooses follow the one in front
    – They fly slightly higher than the lead goose to benefit from the “lift” provided by the lead goose’s turbulence, saving energy.
    – They all “know the way”

    Things Better Left Unsaid
    – Unnecessary If / then: One popular way to complicate a simple expression is to add unnamed people and place them into a confusing and unnecessary cause/effect situation
    – Accusing the Reader: Another way to complicate a sentence is to drag the reader into the mess.
    Complicating with May/May not: When our sentences contain a “may or may not” construction, we make the tactical error of introducing our readers to the wrong idea entirely
    – Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars: When we unnecessarily introduce a multiple comparison, we often create syntax trouble
    – Misplaced Modifiers: Complicating our simple sentences also makes it more likely we’ll misplace our modifiers
    – One of these / One of those: We create trouble for ourselves when we try to identify people as examples of a type of person, or simple facts as examples of a special class of facts
    – The kind of / The sort of / The type of: Like a “one of these/one of those” a “the kind of” construction almost always creates more trouble than it’s worth
    – There is / There are: Sentences that begin with “There is” or “There are” can, and almost always should, be simplified to eliminate wordiness and confusion
    – Any sentence beginning with “By”: They’re not always wrong, but sentences beginning with “by” are so easy to mishandle they demand special caution
    – Any sentence beginning with “With”: They’re not always wrong, but sentences beginning with “with” are so easy to mishandle they demand special caution
    – Rhetorical Questions: Used sparingly, rhetorical questions can be effective in teasing agreement out of a reader on small matters, but they are terrible substitutes for bold, clear claims as thesis statements or topic sentences

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  14. lg102015 says:

    We started off class by talking about the geese riddle, and how the geese know which one to follow. The answer is who ever is in front at the time. They rotate this position so the goose who is leading isn’t tired from leading them.
    Better left unsaid
    – Unnecessary If/then
    ex: If the driver looks as if he or she might be a teenager, then he or she is more likely to be pulled over and given a ticket for speeding by an officer who thinks he or she might be a youthful driver.
    Correct way: Teenage drivers are ticketed for speeding by opinionated traffic officers proportionally more often than other drivers.
    – Accusing the reader
    ex: You are far more likely to be pulled over for speeding and given a ticket if you are a teenager, or even if you look like a teenager, than if you are (or look like) an older driver.
    Correct way: Youthful and young-looking drivers are often pulled over by traffic officers who would let older-looking drivers go.
    – Complicating with May/May not
    ex: Teenage drivers are ticketed far more often than other drivers for traffic violations they may or may not have committed.
    Correct way: Teenage drivers are ticketed far more often than other drivers for traffic violations they do not commit.
    – Falling of the uneven parallel bars
    ex: Teenage drivers are ticketed as often if not more often than older drivers.
    Correct way: Teenage drivers are ticketed as often as older drivers.
    – Misplaced Modifiers
    ex: When they appear to be young, traffic officers are more likely to pull over drivers for speeding than if they look older.
    Correct way: Traffic officers are more likely to pull over young-looking drivers for speeding.
    – The kind of/The sort of/The type of
    ex: The kind of prejudice I’m talking about is when a traffic officer pulls over a driver for speeding just because he or she thinks the driver is young.
    Correct way: Pulling over drivers because they look young is “age bias,” plain and simple.
    – There is/ There are
    ex: There is a prejudice against young-looking drivers that causes traffic officers to pull them over for speeding more often than they pull over older-looking drivers.
    Correct way: Traffic officers discriminate against younger-looking drivers.
    – Any sentence beginning with “By”
    ex: By pulling over young drivers more often than they pull over older drivers for speeding, traffic officers are prejudiced.
    Correct way: Age-biased officers pull over young drivers more often than older drivers.
    – Any sentence beginning with “With”
    ex: With young drivers getting pulled over for speeding more often older drivers, traffic officers are prejudiced.
    Correct way: Traffic officers who pull over young drivers more often than older drivers are prejudiced.
    – Rhetorical Questions
    ex: Is there any explanation for younger-looking drivers being pulled over disproportionately often than the age bias of the officers?
    Correct way: Traffic officers pull over young drivers more often than they do older drivers because of their age bias and for no other reason.

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  15. 10/10 Notes:
    How To Make Your Writing Super Complicated !
    -Pay attention to phrases such as “if” and “then”, this may end up constricting your writing
    – Calling out the reader. It is okay to direct the reader in your piece, how including the reader in your writing will turn some of your readers away
    – “May or May not” creates an unintentional and unprofessional sense of uncertainty and ambiguity in your writing, strays from the idea of getting to the point early on, and can mislead the reader. This phrase takes up words debating if something “may or may not” be when you could be using the words to prove your claims or provide evidence for claims.
    – Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars: trying to combine “as often as”with “more often than” syntax sounds off and choppy.
    – Misplacing Modifiers: be careful where you put them, as to not confuse or mislead the audience, try to simply the modifies with no “who are” language
    – “One of these, one of those”: this creates tension in your writing and awkwardness with subject verb agreement down the line in your sentence, all the while categorizing the situation does not help the writing or the reader understand anymore.
    -Using “Is” weakens your writing, and only prolongs the claim you are trying to make.
    -Rhetorical Questions: if used incorrectly, just ends up inviting audience to argue with you!

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  16. yankeefan25 says:

    We started off with the riddle and then got into some writing skills.
    Sometimes in our first draft we use unnecessary if/then claims throughout out writing. They are entirely useless and should not be used in our writing. We then talked about how we should try not to use you to single out the reader and leave them out of it when we are writing. After this we talked about a sentence that seems correct but is not and went over how we can fix it to make it better. Sometimes sentence modifiers are in the wrong place and it attaches them to the wrong word. Like in the example it is supposed to say drivers that are young, but the young attaches to the traffic officer and skews what noun it attaches too. Stick with categories and plurals because then it is easier and you don’t have to worry about the gender. Shy away from starting sentences with “there.” It is a tricky situation when we start sentences with “by” because it is hard to avoid confusion. You can still use “by” bit work it into somewhere in the middle of the sentence. When asking rhetoric questions it is not a good way to get your point across.

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  17. Notes:
    – the author should not accuse the reader. The reader does not want to be mentioned inside your story.
    -the author should use misplaced modifiers.
    -asking rhetorical questions is unwanted and messed up the validity of your claim.
    -if and then claims complicate your claim and make your claim distorted.

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  18. When you are writing, sometimes sentences are better left simple. If you complicate them too much, they may become too confusing for the reader to understand. Being blunt and to the point can sometimes make a piece of writing much more understandable. Do not accuse the reader of doing something, “you are more likely…,” because doing this is never really acceptable in formal writing. Avoid using you, or your, or yours, because it just is much too informal for this type of writing. Also avoid using “may or may not,” because we need to focus on just one of the two. If you say “is often” it must be followed by “as,” and if you say “more often,” it must be followed by “than,” in every situation. It does not work if you miss one or the other ina comparison. Avoid using modifiers to the subjects that are not meant to be modified. Steer away from trying to put people into “types” meaning that try to avoid saying phrases like “he is the type of person that is always late”. Avoid using “talked about” language because it does not accomplish anything. Do not use sort of or kind of or type of because it is much too vague. Be specific. Do not start sentences with “there is, there are, you, or it is,” because they will be the weakest claims out of any of your claims. When starting with “by” be very cautious not to make it mislead the readers. For the same sorts of reasons, be cautious using “with” as the first word in a sentence. Rhetorical questions may lead the readers to come to conclusions that the writer did not want.

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  19. We started class today talking about sentence atrucrure and common mistakes that are made. We spent about 50 minutes of this class talking about sentence mistakes. After that we had an in-class assignement for the reat of class that dealt wjth sentence structure and correcting sentences.

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  20. athenapup4 says:

    10/10 Notes

    Things Better Left Unsaid
    Example take this sentence: Teenage drivers are being ticket for speeding proportionally more often than other drivers.
    One way to complicate this sentence would be adding characters that aren’t necessary.
    Adding “if/then” : If the driver looks as if he or she might be a teenager, then he or she is more likely to be pulled over and given a ticket for speeding by an officer who thinks he or she might be a youthful driver.
    If you wish to add characters, then generalize them.
    Example: “Teenage drivers” includes male or female teenagers. OR opinionated “traffic officers” includes a male or female you wish to bring into the sentence.
    Accusing the Reader: Avoid dragging the reader into the mess of your writing. Avoid using “you” in your sentences.
    Complicating with May/ May not: If the driver looks as if he or she might be a teenager, then he or she is more likely to be pulled over and given a ticket for speeding by an officer who thinks he or she might be a youthful driver.
    This confuses the sentence. Stick to picking one. It’s either they may not have committed or they may have committed.
    Falling off the Uneven Parallel Bars: Teenage drivers are ticketed as often if not more often than older drivers.
    If you’re using the word “often” the word “as” better come right after it. The “if not more often than” is completely unnecessary.
    Misplaced Modifiers:When they appear to be young, traffic officers are more likely to pull over drivers for speeding than if they look older.
    You don’t need to describe the difference between younger drivers than older drivers. We know that. Instead: Traffic officers are more likely to pull over young-looking drivers for speeding.
    One of these/ one of those: the “calling out” usage also isn’t needed: Speeding is one of those types of traffic violations where the officers will often make the mistake of pulling over younger drivers more often than they should
    Nothing is added in value here.
    The kind of/ the sort of/ the type of: these words typically cause more trouble than it’s worth: The kind of prejudice I’m talking about is when a traffic officer pulls over a driver for speeding just because he or she thinks the driver is young.
    Nothing is gained by identifying the officer’s prejudice as a type of prejudice.
    There is/ there are: these should be simplified: There is a prejudice against young-looking drivers that causes traffic officers to pull them over for speeding more often than they pull over older-looking drivers.
    These are the weakest claims that you can make.
    Highly recommended to not start a sentence with “there is” or “there are”
    Instead: Traffic officers discriminate against younger-looking drivers.
    Any Sentence beginning with “By”: these are so easy to misuse they demand special caution: By pulling over young drivers more often than they pull over older drivers for speeding, traffic officers are prejudiced.
    This adds too much to say. It’s also wrong. Were supposed to be saying that young drivers are pulled over more often.
    Instead: Age-biased officers pull over young drivers more often than older drivers.
    Any Sentence beginning with “With”: Same concept with using “by”
    Nothing wrong with them but you must be extremely caution and be aware of what you are actually saying.
    Rhetorical questions: they can be good for teasing the reader of agreement, but not good substitutes for bold, clear claims. Is there any explanation for younger-looking drivers being pulled over disproportionately often than the age bias of the officers?
    This leads room for the reader to answer with the wrong answer and drawing a conclusion other than the one you want them to.
    Instead: The only explanation for traffic officers pulling over young drivers more often than they do older drivers is that they are hoping to find drugs in the car.
    In Class Exercise.

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  21. lelebxby says:

    Better left unsaid
    – In class, we discussed the different ways to lose one’s claim.
    – Unnecessary If/Then: a popular way to mix up a simple expression is to add unnamed people and place them into a confusing cause/effect situation.
    – Accusing the Reader: when a writer drags the reader into the mess, as if the author thought nobody would understand her argument unless he read about himself playing a part in it.
    – Complicating with May/May Not: When our sentences contain a “may or may not” construction, we make the tactical error of introducing our readers to the wrong idea entirely.
    – Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars: Unnecessarily introducing a multiple comparison.
    – Misplaced Modifiers: When the writer misplaces our modifiers thus giving the sentence an unintentional new meaning.
    – One of these / One of those: When the writer tries to identify people as examples of a type of person, or simple facts as examples of a special class of facts.
    – The kind of / The sort of / The type of: Nothing is gained by identifying the “kind of” thing unless we actually name the specific thing.
    – There is / There are: Sentences that begin with “There is” or “There are” can, and almost always should, be simplified to eliminate wordiness.
    – “By”: Only use “by” when indicating causes and effects.
    – “With”: Like “by”,”with” indicates a cause so without an effect, it mixes up your claim.
    – Rhetorical Questions: risk introducing unpredictable reactions into your conversation when readers don’t provide the answers you want them to.

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  22. lazybear8 says:

    Things Better Left Unsaid.
    Complicating sentences, adding subjects with their genders adding more words than needed. We don’t need “you, your, and you’re”. No value added to the sentence, in order to generalize subject. No place in academic writing. Do global search for “you” and delete every instance. Instead using you, feature subject, use an adjective. Leaving out essential words to keep parallels. “as often AS”. Nothing is gained by adding type/one of those on of these. Best way to catch reader is to share experience, by using first person plural, “we” or “our”, not “I”. No “There is” or “There are”. With sentences can be mishandled, thinking they are used to show cause and effect. Rhetorical questions often hurt the writer.

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  23. smellycat23 says:

    Class began with a riddle about how geese follow the goose in front and they take turns leading. The ones that follow fly slightly higher to pick up on the turbulence from the lead goose.

    The majority of class was spent dissecting sentences that are better left unsaid. The first note was “unnecessary if/then,” where the idea is complicated and in the example was filled with too many people. The second note was “accused readers.” In that sentence, the writer addresses the reader in a problem by using the words “you” or “yours.” The next one was “complicating with may or may not,” where one side of the “may or may not” does not need to be applied. You should also always write “as often as” and “more often than.” Another tip was introducing multiple comparisons can create syntax trouble. Some other tips included: creating a situation is not useful, “there is” can be eliminated to limit confusion, sentences beginning with “by”and “with” requires caution.

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  24. Goose Riddle: How do geese know which one to follow ? They follow the on one in the front.They fly slightly higher than the lead goose to benefit from the “lift” provided by the lead goose’s turbulence, saving energy. They take turns leading.

    Things Better Left Unsaid: wordiness and syntax trouble – we create syntax and make it more complicated than it needs to be. We can create a simple sentence while stating many ideas in that sentence without using too many words and unnamed people. There are 11 ways to complicate sentences.

    1. Unnecessary if/then
    ex: If the driver looks as if he or she might be a teenager, then he or she is more likely to be pulled over and given a ticket for speeding by an officer who thinks he or she might be a youthful driver.

    should be: Teenage drivers are ticketed for speeding by opinionated traffic officers proportionally more often than other drivers OR Opinionated traffic officers ticket teenage drivers for speeding far more often than they do other drivers.

    2. Accusing the Reader
    ex: You are far more likely to be pulled over for speeding and given a ticket if you are a teenager, or even if you look like a teenager, than if you are (or look like) an older driver.

    should be: Youthful and young-looking drivers are often pulled over by traffic officers who would let older-looking drivers go OR Opinionated traffic officers pull over young-looking drivers for speeding far more often than they do older-looking drivers.

    3. Complicating May/May not
    ex: Teenage drivers are ticketed far more often than other drivers for traffic violations they may or may not have committed.

    should be: Teenage drivers are ticketed far more often than other drivers for traffic violations they do not commit.

    4. Falling Off the Uneven Parallel Bars
    ex: Teenage drivers are ticketed as often if not more often than older drivers.

    should be: Teenage drivers are ticketed as often as, if not more often than, older drivers.

    5. Misplaced Modifiers
    ex: When they appear to be young, traffic officers are more likely to pull over drivers for speeding than if they look older.

    should be: Traffic officers are more likely to pull over young-looking drivers for speeding.

    6. One of these/One of those
    ex: Speeding is one of those types of traffic violations where the officers will often make the mistake of pulling over younger drivers more often than they should.

    should be: Officers pull over younger-drivers more often than they should for speeding.

    7. The kind of / the sort of / the type of
    ex: The kind of prejudice I’m talking about is when a traffic officer pulls over a driver for speeding just because he or she thinks the driver is young.

    should be: Pulling over drivers because they look young is “age bias,” plain and simple.

    8. There is/There are
    ex: There is a prejudice against young-looking drivers that causes traffic officers to pull them over for speeding more often than they pull over older-looking drivers.

    should be: Traffic officers discriminate against younger-looking drivers.

    9. Any sentence beginning with “BY”
    ex: By pulling over young drivers more often than they pull over older drivers for speeding, traffic officers are prejudiced.

    should be: Traffic officers who pull over young drivers more often than older drivers are prejudiced.

    10. Any sentence beginning with “WITH”
    ex: With young drivers getting pulled over for speeding more often older drivers, traffic officers are prejudiced.

    should be: Age-biased officers pull over young drivers more often than older drivers.

    11. Rhetorical Questions
    ex: Is there any explanation for younger-looking drivers being pulled over disproportionately often than the age bias of the officers?

    should be: Traffic officers pull over young drivers more often than they do older drivers because of their age bias and for no other reason.

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  25. iamsleepy01 says:

    Geese Riddle – The geese follow the goose in front.
    – Eliminate unnecessary if/then and use a lot of pronouns.
    – Eliminate YOU, the reader just wants to learn about the subject and not want to be involved in a way.
    – When making a comparison if there is “as often” as comes after and if it is “more often” than comes after.
    – Try not to begin a sentence with “There is” and “There are”. This only says that someone exist.

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  26. bane1900 says:

    Discussed the ideas of how to write a better piece by using certain techniques

    Like

  27. bestbaker123 says:

    – The riddle was cute and obvious. The geese follow the first goose leading and the rest form a V to keep an eye on all go the geese.
    – Never use “you” your” “yourself” in any writing that isn’t a instruction manual, directions or some kind of writing where you point fingers.
    – Use active or passive phrases, to identity the subject.
    Ex. “the officer gave a ticket” passive “officer ticketed the driver” active
    – When making a comparison, use often as and more often than
    Ex. “teenage drivers are ticketed as often as….” “teenage drivers are ticketed more often than older drivers.” Have to have as and than to make the comparison.
    – Use first person plural so “we” when writing an editorial. You want the reader to agree with your thoughts and beliefs.
    – Starting sentences with “There is” “There are” “You” and “It is” make the weakest claims. The only thing they accomplish is telling the reader that something exists.
    – Using “by” and “with” to start sentences is tricky territory so you have to be extra careful.
    – Don’t waste time asking rhetorical questions because they aren’t claims, and you relinquish control of your argument.

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