LTE For Portfolio – yankeefan

To the Editor:

Re “The New York Yankees are a Moral Abomination” (July 14, 2018)

The Yankees Are Simply Good At Baseball

In the article “The New York Yankees are a Moral Abomination”(July 14, 2018), it makes the claim that the New York Yankees have taken advantage of the fact that the M.L.B. has no salary cap and has purchased all of their World Series titles. And while I understand the Yankees fanbase are not in fact “abortive shapes emerging from the abysmal murk of evolutionary history”, it is not safe to say that the wins were in fact purchased. The Yankees have had help from the lack of salary cap [the initial claim made], but there is more to it than just big time players who were purchased. The often referred to group known as the “Core Four”, consisting of Marino Rivera, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, and Jorge Posada, all arose through the Yankees minor league system eventually making it to the big leagues. They were not signed as big time superstars but young and up-and-coming ball players. 

As someone who grew up in the suburbs of New York and spent countless Sundays attending the old and new neighboring Yankee Stadiums, I’ve realized that the large amount of money spent by the Yankees helps them, but is not to credit for their World Series wins. If the Yankees had paid to win all of their championships, being the richest team in baseball wouldn’t they have at least made the playoffs every year? Yes. But in the real case they have instead failed to make the playoffs on many occasions. The 2019 Philadelphia Phillies are a prime example of how money cannot buy wins. The Phillies acquired Bryce Harper for $330 million while he was in free agency. They finished the season at exactly 81-81 and missed the playoffs by 8 games. Money simply cannot buy wins. We owe it to baseball to put our feelings to the side and see the Yankees in light of facts and facts alone, a talented baseball organization. In the coming seasons the Yankees will further prove that they are not purchasing their rings, they are working hard with a tight knit group of farm league stars to win baseball games. 

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2 Responses to LTE For Portfolio – yankeefan

  1. davidbdale says:

    Yankeefan, I’ll provide as many rounds of feedback as you ask for, but my process is to look forward, not back. We want to leave that first draft behind and make this one as good as it can be. This one is a really good start.

    It names the original. It takes issue with its primary premise. It offers a counterargument and backs it up with evidence. It does all these things pretty well. It does none of them REALLY well. And it has language problems that we can’t fix right now because the sentences they appear in might not survive your revisions. But I’ll point out some of them at the end of this round of feedback so you know what to watch out for.

    You’ve done a nice job of altering your reaction to the obviously farcical nature of the original, but your readers might not have read it. You say you understand “the quote,” but you don’t attribute it to the original article. It seems obvious to you because you know it to be the case, but readers will be confused.

    You say that that Yankees have benefited from the lack of a salary cap, but you don’t say how. They’ve purchased some big-ticket players, but surely your Core Four will stand up to them, so why not name them in the interest of obvious fairness? (You could balance that with other equally expensive acquisitions by teams in their division.)

    For readers who might not get the point immediately, you might have to be forthcoming with the current salaries of those players who rose through the ranks. They might have been cheap as rookies, but can you say the Yankees haven’t had to dig deep to keep them?

    You miss an excellent opportunity to describe the cost of that lavish new Yankee stadium. You’re upfront about their spending, so you might as well. The power of your counterargument will be more impressive if it counters the team’s obvious wealth.

    Your argument is good but risky as you must notice. They SHOULD BE BETTER given the amount they spend is your point, right? A good way to prove that would be to look at OTHER TEAMS who have spent lavishly and not succeeded (this year’s Phillies are a readily-available example).

    Personally, I feel no obligation to baseball to take the Yankees for what they are. I’m not sure other readers will feel one. What I think you mean is that any clear-eyed fan will see the facts for what they are. No need to lay guilt on us.

    If you can, it would be good to name the next generation of minor league up-and-comers that the team won’t have to take out loans to acquire.

    Some language notes:
    —Periods and commas go inside the quotation marks.
    —Remove the “it” from your first sentence. (It means, “In the article, the article claims.”)
    —You refer to the Yankees in the singular and the plural: The Yankees HAS purchased THEIR titles.
    —Why would it be “safe to say” anything about the Yankee payroll?
    —Be more specific—always—than “there’s more to it.”
    —They’re a group often referred to as the Core Four or a group known as the Core Four but not both.
    —You can attend a game but not a stadium.
    —There’s no grammatical sense to the phrase: “money is not to credit for World Series wins.”
    —You don’t have a license to deploy Rhetorical Questions. Replace yours with a bold clear claim.

    I’m enjoying the interaction, yankeefan. I hope you are too. And I hope you’re comfortable with the approach of looking forward not back. I’d appreciate your reactions.

    Like

  2. yankeefan25 says:

    I fixed some of the things you pointed out in the initial help. Is this any better? Could you please let me know if i did what you said. And any more ways I can further improve my letter. Thanks!!

    Like

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