Editorial for Portfolio-Lg102015

Reliving a Rape 

Should a rapist still have the right to an education at the same school as their victim? This question was recently posed in a New York High School when a girl was raped by a boy in her graduating class. This case went to court and Taylor was issued a protection order against Elias. Surprisingly and sadly, this “protective order”, didn’t protect Taylor at school. Elias had signed a confession, but Taylor, understandably, still felt scared in the presence of Elias. 

Taylor was a rape victim who was dealing with a very traumatic experience during her senior year. She had to face her assailant every day for the rest of the year. Taylor relived the traumatic experience every time she saw him at school. She was only at the young age of seventeen years old when she accused Elias of rape. Not even reaching the full age of an adult, she built up the courage to speak up about the horrible situation that happened to her, that sadly many girls also experience. She filed a police report right away but then had to prepare to endure the lengthy legal process that would soon occur. 

Throughout this very enduring legal process, Elias was protected by Niagara Wheatfield High School as he was viewed by the administration as “innocent until proven guilty”. To start off with, that could obviously make Taylor feel defeated because she is alone trying to prove what happened, as her school is backing up her assailant. Taylor remained in a very vulnerable state during this time, and sometimes she couldn’t even pick herself up to go to school, knowing Elias would be there. Niagara Wheatfield High School didn’t conduct their protection of students properly, because Taylors “learning” environment, turned into a horrible environment. 

The author believes that the court should have instructed law enforcement and the school to coordinate with one another to keep her safe from Elias. Personally, I believe Elias should have had another form of schooling put in place during the duration of the trial. I think Elias being at school and Taylor having to see him everyday was just like adding fuel to the fire. There are many options that could have been put in place such as Elias being homeschooled for a certain period of time or going to school after hours. I do believe everyone deserves a chance at a fair trial, but in cases like this there needs to be actions but in place during the duration of court. Sadly, Taylor entrusted the school to protect her when she spoke up about the violent crime that was enacted on her, and they broke her trust. Students are always told their whole life by teachers that school is a learning and safe environment. But that wasn’t the case for Taylor. No student should feel this way, and school should always be a safe place for every student to learn and be among one another. 

 

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22 Responses to Editorial for Portfolio-Lg102015

  1. davidbdale says:

    After receiving feedback from both your professor and your classmates, you said, “I appreciate all the well thought out responses as well and once edited I will be asking for more specific feedback to better my writing some more.” Sadly, you never did return to ask for more, and you made only a few trivial improvements of your own on December 10. As noted in your feedback, there were some issues to resolve that you didn’t get back to. You’ve done good work here, LG, that needed a final polish.

    Like

  2. While the argument started off strong, the various grammatical inconsistencies and mistakes took away from the argument. The sentence structure of the piece was also a little iffy, with run-ons and sentences that seem a bit too colloquial for a piece trying to get a spot in the paper. The actual argument I felt had too much of stating the events that happened, and then right at the very end, the author’s opinion was explicitly stated and the question from the first paragraph was sort of answered. Making the reader wade through hard to swallow sentences and getting caught on little bits of opinion along the way only to have the question barely answered at the end is not effective.

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  3. this editorial is more of a story than anything. im unsure where the thesis is at and if there even is one. the thesis may be in the rhetorical question posed at the beginning, but it definitely was not strong enough to be a thesis. the rhetorical question posed no sort of opinion, original idea, or solid statement. the story was surely more interesting to read, but a story is all it was. it did not provide anything except a story to make the reader feel bad. what the author should do is add more evidence of a thesis, the author should focus more on their thesis instead of the article that they are providing evidence from.

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  4. roses0102 says:

    The first sentence is a bold statement to make, and needs to be answered immediately. This will not only hold the readers attention but it will also authenticate your knowledge on the topic. If you don’t answer the question clearly and strongly, it will weaken your argument and overall, your whole writing piece.

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  5. bmdpiano says:

    Your Editorial poses a very interesting issue, yet the situation of the rapist having a right to an education was never really answered. It was briefly touched on at the end, but it should be stated earlier in the writing and then further expanded in the later paragraphs. When posing an argument like that, the reader is reading for that argument and when it is not mentioned right away, you may lose readers. Overall, I feel that if you fix the timing issue, you’ll have a great editorial on your hands!

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  6. kraemercali says:

    the strong opening needs to be addressed/ answered immediately or you will loose the interest of the readers. it is a very meaningful writing, and seems like it was written with passion which sets it up to be a great editorial.

    Like

  7. compclass8 says:

    There was a pretty strong start in the beginning and the author does an okay job at answering the questions after the first paragraph. The author waited a long time to answer the question and he should have answered it way sooner.

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  8. bestbaker123 says:

    I honestly don’t think that the rest of the editorial lives up to first paragraph. The author doesn’t
    answer the very first question asked about the rapist’s right to education. They only talk about the girl, Taylor, and don’t give us any information about the circumstances or what actually happened which is what the reader really wants to know.

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  9. Had a strong start but the opening question should be answered immediately. It would have been stronger if you stated more of your opinions and what would you do early.

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  10. comp0327 says:

    While the beginning is strong, the questions posed are never answered and we never find out if the author believes whether or not the rapist deserves an education at the same institution as their victim. We never find out what the author believes should be done about the situation, or their stance on the questions posed. So, the rest of the editorial does not stack up to the strong first paragraph

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  11. smellycat23 says:

    I think the author’s point of view should be stated clearly and earlier into the article. The author’s point of view should be a little more clear with how they answer the rhetorical question should be laid down explicitly.

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  12. The opening paragraph did not set a stance on this issue, and it was not very clearly stated until about the fourth paragraph. Of course, it was hinted in previous paragraphs that the action done by the school was wrong, but it could mostly be inferred. If the author wants a more opinionated response to this issue, I would have focused more on Taylor and how she felt than how Elias was still legally allowed to be there. The rhetorical question was not answered thoroughly, and the last paragraph seemed to have the only strongly opinionated word choice.

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  13. athenapup4 says:

    the question asked in the beginning is a good question just make sure you answer it to give your opinion. As you read through the writing you can see which side you are on however its not blatantly said right in the beginning which was something discussed in class one day. State your side in the beginning so readers know whats they’re reading and there’s no confusion.

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  14. hershey515 says:

    Good quality writing but when you propose a question it should be answered,it wasn’t specifically stated.

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  15. morra2024 says:

    I do not see an explicit answer to the first question.
    Apart from that, most of the premises are in the first paragraph, and I have to wait quite a bit for the prizes. If the paragraphs were more concise and stated the points sooner, it would improve both the clarity and brevity of the editorial

    Like

  16. lelebxby says:

    In “Reliving a Rape,” the author does a fairly good job at making the rest of the editorial as strong as the opening. Besides minor grammar errors, my only critique is that the author should have stated their opinion of the matter more clearly in their thesis instead of waiting until the last paragraph.

    Like

  17. iamsleepy01 says:

    I feel like it didn’t live up to the strong opening. The question from the start was never answered and more than half of the editorial was facts from articles and not much opinions.

    Like

  18. doglover441 says:

    The rest of the editorial provides more information about the situation and what circumstances the students and school were under, however the author did not address their opinion until the last paragraph. The author should have answered the question they posed in the paragraph after they asked it. Other then that they did a good job providing relevant information that helps the reader understand the whole picture.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. lovericeandnoodles says:

    good but what is your opinion fam

    Liked by 3 people

  20. bane1900 says:

    A strong start in the beginning, however the question in the first paragraph should be answered rather quickly later on in the paragraph. Also, it would be a stronger argument if you addressed how you feel through a strongly worded thesis located in your first paragraph.

    Like

  21. davidbdale says:

    LG, I’m doing a quick round of feedback this morning to get the revision ball rolling. Feel free to put your post back into Feedback Please if you want more reactions or a different sort of feedback.

    I was very surprised when I read the article you summarize here to discover that the court had provided Taylor a protection order BUT THAT IT DIDN’T PROTECT HER AT SCHOOL. It seems to this reader that if you want to add value to the conversation you should have recommended that the court, which intended to protect Taylor from her assailant, should have instructed law enforcement AND the school to coordinate their efforts to keep her separate from Elias, which was their intent.

    I was also VERY surprised to learn from the article (which I did not learn from you) that Elias had signed a confession. Telling us that fact early in your editorial would have resolved a problem for your readers. We correctly want to balance the rights of two individuals, and we certainly can’t stigmatize every student against whom allegations are made until some level of proof has been established. Think how easy it would be to ruin the life of an innocent classmate if accusing them of something got them suspended or expelled or forced to walk the halls with custodians.

    One more timing issue. This reader kept wondering “what does LG think could be done to fix this problem?” The question was a big distraction until you offered suggestions. They were interesting suggestions that I note came directly from the original article. I’m afraid if you don’t have suggestions of your own you might have to cite the original article to credit its author for the content even if you don’t quote the remedies directly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lg102015 says:

      Thank you for all of the great feedback, I loved how I got so many different responses since my writing was used for the whole class to peer edit. This allows me to truly see what people think of my writing instead of just having one or two people critique it. I appreciate all the well thought out responses as well and once edited I will be asking for more specific feedback to better my writing some more.

      Like

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