Editorial for Portfolio-Lg102015

Reliving a Rape 

Should a rapist still have the right to an education at the same school as their victim? This question was recently posed in a New York High School when a girl was raped by a  boy in her graduating class. Not only was she a rape victim dealing with that traumatic experience but she also had to face her rapist everyday in school for the remainder of her senior year.  Taylor was 17 years old when she accused Elias of rape and she displayed great courage by speaking up about what had happened to her. She filed a police report right away but then had to prepare to endure the lengthy legal process that lie ahead in which ultimately proved that Elias was guilty of the crime. 

Despite Taylor’s accusation and throughout the legal process Elias was protected by Niagara Wheatfield High School as he was viewed by the administration  as “innocent until proven guilty”. In their eyes Elias had the right to a proper education just like anyone else in the school while the legal process was taking place . Taylor was faced with looking at her rapist on a daily basis as he was permitted to freely roam the hallways of their high school . She was under a great deal of stress and there were times where she couldn’t get herself to go to school, because all she could think about was having to see her rapist. After being a victim of a violent crime , Taylor remained in a very vulnerable state due to the inactions of her High School. 

As children growing up we are told in situations like Taylor’s to always speak up and tell an adult, so they can protect us and help resolve the issue. That is exactly what Taylor did but her well being was not considered . She told the principal of the high school how seeing Elias made her feel and all she was told was that the matter would be resolved but nothing was ever done to alleviate her concerns. It finally took Taylor’s mother to post a strongly worded message on Facebook about the school and the steps they weren’t taking. It was finally because of this post that her classmates decided to take some action and plan a walkout on Taylor’s behalf. 

The way the school district handled Taylor’s case was unacceptable. She expressed her very legitimate concerns but there was no action taken by the administration . It is bad enough that Taylor was raped, but that fact that she had to see the perpetrator every day and relive that horrific experience is unacceptable . It is time that we stand up for what is right, and show children that when they speak up about something their voices will be heard and not dismissed. There were many things that could have been done to help Taylor feel more comfortable. Schedules could have been changed or personnel could of been assigned to escort Elias throughout the school day to ensure her comfort and safety. There are many cases like Taylor’s in the United States and in the world. We as members of our individual communities need to take action to keep our children safe at all times and feel unthreatened in a school environment.

 

 

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21 Responses to Editorial for Portfolio-Lg102015

  1. While the argument started off strong, the various grammatical inconsistencies and mistakes took away from the argument. The sentence structure of the piece was also a little iffy, with run-ons and sentences that seem a bit too colloquial for a piece trying to get a spot in the paper. The actual argument I felt had too much of stating the events that happened, and then right at the very end, the author’s opinion was explicitly stated and the question from the first paragraph was sort of answered. Making the reader wade through hard to swallow sentences and getting caught on little bits of opinion along the way only to have the question barely answered at the end is not effective.

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  2. this editorial is more of a story than anything. im unsure where the thesis is at and if there even is one. the thesis may be in the rhetorical question posed at the beginning, but it definitely was not strong enough to be a thesis. the rhetorical question posed no sort of opinion, original idea, or solid statement. the story was surely more interesting to read, but a story is all it was. it did not provide anything except a story to make the reader feel bad. what the author should do is add more evidence of a thesis, the author should focus more on their thesis instead of the article that they are providing evidence from.

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  3. roses0102 says:

    The first sentence is a bold statement to make, and needs to be answered immediately. This will not only hold the readers attention but it will also authenticate your knowledge on the topic. If you don’t answer the question clearly and strongly, it will weaken your argument and overall, your whole writing piece.

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  4. bmdpiano says:

    Your Editorial poses a very interesting issue, yet the situation of the rapist having a right to an education was never really answered. It was briefly touched on at the end, but it should be stated earlier in the writing and then further expanded in the later paragraphs. When posing an argument like that, the reader is reading for that argument and when it is not mentioned right away, you may lose readers. Overall, I feel that if you fix the timing issue, you’ll have a great editorial on your hands!

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  5. kraemercali says:

    the strong opening needs to be addressed/ answered immediately or you will loose the interest of the readers. it is a very meaningful writing, and seems like it was written with passion which sets it up to be a great editorial.

    Like

  6. compclass8 says:

    There was a pretty strong start in the beginning and the author does an okay job at answering the questions after the first paragraph. The author waited a long time to answer the question and he should have answered it way sooner.

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  7. bestbaker123 says:

    I honestly don’t think that the rest of the editorial lives up to first paragraph. The author doesn’t
    answer the very first question asked about the rapist’s right to education. They only talk about the girl, Taylor, and don’t give us any information about the circumstances or what actually happened which is what the reader really wants to know.

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  8. Had a strong start but the opening question should be answered immediately. It would have been stronger if you stated more of your opinions and what would you do early.

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  9. comp0327 says:

    While the beginning is strong, the questions posed are never answered and we never find out if the author believes whether or not the rapist deserves an education at the same institution as their victim. We never find out what the author believes should be done about the situation, or their stance on the questions posed. So, the rest of the editorial does not stack up to the strong first paragraph

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  10. smellycat23 says:

    I think the author’s point of view should be stated clearly and earlier into the article. The author’s point of view should be a little more clear with how they answer the rhetorical question should be laid down explicitly.

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  11. The opening paragraph did not set a stance on this issue, and it was not very clearly stated until about the fourth paragraph. Of course, it was hinted in previous paragraphs that the action done by the school was wrong, but it could mostly be inferred. If the author wants a more opinionated response to this issue, I would have focused more on Taylor and how she felt than how Elias was still legally allowed to be there. The rhetorical question was not answered thoroughly, and the last paragraph seemed to have the only strongly opinionated word choice.

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  12. athenapup4 says:

    the question asked in the beginning is a good question just make sure you answer it to give your opinion. As you read through the writing you can see which side you are on however its not blatantly said right in the beginning which was something discussed in class one day. State your side in the beginning so readers know whats they’re reading and there’s no confusion.

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  13. hershey515 says:

    Good quality writing but when you propose a question it should be answered,it wasn’t specifically stated.

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  14. morra2024 says:

    I do not see an explicit answer to the first question.
    Apart from that, most of the premises are in the first paragraph, and I have to wait quite a bit for the prizes. If the paragraphs were more concise and stated the points sooner, it would improve both the clarity and brevity of the editorial

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  15. lelebxby says:

    In “Reliving a Rape,” the author does a fairly good job at making the rest of the editorial as strong as the opening. Besides minor grammar errors, my only critique is that the author should have stated their opinion of the matter more clearly in their thesis instead of waiting until the last paragraph.

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  16. iamsleepy01 says:

    I feel like it didn’t live up to the strong opening. The question from the start was never answered and more than half of the editorial was facts from articles and not much opinions.

    Like

  17. doglover441 says:

    The rest of the editorial provides more information about the situation and what circumstances the students and school were under, however the author did not address their opinion until the last paragraph. The author should have answered the question they posed in the paragraph after they asked it. Other then that they did a good job providing relevant information that helps the reader understand the whole picture.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. lovericeandnoodles says:

    good but what is your opinion fam

    Liked by 3 people

  19. bane1900 says:

    A strong start in the beginning, however the question in the first paragraph should be answered rather quickly later on in the paragraph. Also, it would be a stronger argument if you addressed how you feel through a strongly worded thesis located in your first paragraph.

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  20. davidbdale says:

    LG, I’m doing a quick round of feedback this morning to get the revision ball rolling. Feel free to put your post back into Feedback Please if you want more reactions or a different sort of feedback.

    I was very surprised when I read the article you summarize here to discover that the court had provided Taylor a protection order BUT THAT IT DIDN’T PROTECT HER AT SCHOOL. It seems to this reader that if you want to add value to the conversation you should have recommended that the court, which intended to protect Taylor from her assailant, should have instructed law enforcement AND the school to coordinate their efforts to keep her separate from Elias, which was their intent.

    I was also VERY surprised to learn from the article (which I did not learn from you) that Elias had signed a confession. Telling us that fact early in your editorial would have resolved a problem for your readers. We correctly want to balance the rights of two individuals, and we certainly can’t stigmatize every student against whom allegations are made until some level of proof has been established. Think how easy it would be to ruin the life of an innocent classmate if accusing them of something got them suspended or expelled or forced to walk the halls with custodians.

    One more timing issue. This reader kept wondering “what does LG think could be done to fix this problem?” The question was a big distraction until you offered suggestions. They were interesting suggestions that I note came directly from the original article. I’m afraid if you don’t have suggestions of your own you might have to cite the original article to credit its author for the content even if you don’t quote the remedies directly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lg102015 says:

      Thank you for all of the great feedback, I loved how I got so many different responses since my writing was used for the whole class to peer edit. This allows me to truly see what people think of my writing instead of just having one or two people critique it. I appreciate all the well thought out responses as well and once edited I will be asking for more specific feedback to better my writing some more.

      Like

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