Jayv23 – writing plan

Thesis statement

The use of THC and nicotine vape pens are causing so many illnesses to hundreds of people and they continue to smoke from them.

Background and evidence

Several marijuana and nicotine products are culprits for serious lung illnesses that have harmed more than 800 people to inhale these products. THC is the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana that is being put into cartridges for more convenient ways to smoke.

E-cigarettes came into existence as a nicotine replacement to keep smokers from smoking cigarettes. The fruity flavor and candy like flavors have attracted teenagers with no addiction to begin using these vapes.

The percentage of teens reportedly smoking vapes had hit record levels. seniors who had only been smoking flavored e-cigs have increased by 25.7 percent from 20.6 in 2017 and among sophomores increased from 19.3 to 24.7. A researcher stated that it is urgent for teenagers to recognize the long term affects of what they are doing.

Sources I have found


From researchers interviews with 86 people from ages 15 to 85 years old who have obtained an illness due to vaping, brought them to the conclusion that 60 percent had required intensive care and 87 percent had vaped from “prefilled” cartridges three month prior to their illness. The C.D.C. held a briefing that discovered findings in health investigations of vaping ilnesses which has been reported in 46 states, 805 cases and 13 deaths.

A proposed federal ban of most flavored e-cigarettes, and new efforts in many states to counter an epidemic of youth vaping. They’re now a $2.6 billion industry and nearly 20,000 vape and smoke shops. Vaping has greatly affected the current generation of teenagers to use because of the fruity flavored taste.

Vaping is taking over schools and kids ability to obtain and gain new knowledge. at least 530 people have been suffering a lung illness caused by e-cigarettes with nicotine or THC. vaping can disallow you to run or even play sports in the future due to the affect they begin to have on your lungs. The trump administration planned to ban most e-cigarettes to prevent teenagers from using them.

Sources I haven’t found

I would like to find and learn about more information of the affects the vaping has on the teenage brain.

The overtaking of vaping in schools and how it affects the learning ability.

The long term affect of vaping nicotine versus THC cartridges

Counter arguments i need to refute

Banning all e-cigarettes would cause more people to go back to smoking cigarettes

All stores should ID every customer that attempts to purchase Vapes to decrease teenagers from getting a hold of them

convenient stores should no longer distribute nicotine or batteries for THC cartridges. ONLY smoke shops should

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1 Response to Jayv23 – writing plan

  1. davidbdale says:

    Your Thesis statement isn’t a thesis statement, JayV. It’s just a factual claim. It doesn’t contain any value language or ethical imperatives. It also doesn’t create much urgency. Kissing, a popular way to spread germs, causes illnesses to hundreds of people, yet they continue kissing. See the problem? Hundreds of illnesses won’t deter a popular behavior.

    Your background is a good place to be specific and clear.
    Do BOTH the marijuana products AND the nicotine products create “serious lung illnesses”? Can you cite a source for that? Do you want to call vape a “marijuana product” if it isn’t? It’s a product containing THC. E-cigarettes are NOT a nicotine replacement. Very deliberately, they INCLUDE nicotine. They are a TOBACCO replacement. Right?

    When the second teen started vaping, that teen caused teen vaping to “hit a record level.” There’s not a lot of urgency in a new trend trending until the number of users IN ITSELF is alarming. And it’s only alarming if there’s a downside to the behavior. The number of teens who love “Hamilton” has hit record levels too, but nobody frets about it.

    Teens are fundamentally incapable of recognizing or caring about the “long term Effects” of anything. So that’s a point worth making WHEN you’ve made the point that the behavior is truly dangerous.

    86 people got sick. More than half required intensive care. Almost all used prefilled cartridges. Hmmmmm. If hundreds of illnesses are the whole problem, and if almost 100 were interviewed, and if almost all of them used “prefilled” cartridges, then maybe VAPING isn’t actually a problem. Maybe PREFILLED CARTRIDGES are the problem.

    If 1000 people died in auto accidents in your town, 900 of them in self-driving vehicles that represented just 2% of the cars on the road, would you ban driving? OR would you ban self-driving vehicles?

    A proposed federal ban of most flavored e-cigarettes, and new efforts in many states to counter an epidemic of youth vaping.

    Replace this sentence with this one and see what’s missing.

    A proposed federal ban of most musical theater, and new efforts in many states to counter an epidemic of youths attending “Hamilton.”

    Without a really obvious health threat, the ban seems a ridiculous reaction to an unproven harm.

    The immediate “sickening” numbers might be enough to frighten adults, but they’re unlikely to deter teens who feel invulnerable. And teens are even less likely to be deterred by the odds that they’ll die in their 70s instead of their 80s.

    You’ll have to prove that “Trump administration” claim, JayV. Most readers, like me, will shrug off any such claim. The president’s 5-minute attention span permits him to reflexively tweet that he wants to ban Something. But what exactly, and when, and how, those details never materialized, and no action has been taken or planned. Unless you have a source to the contrary.

    —Interesting that you want a source for effects (YOU GET THIS ONE WRONG EVERY TIME: The EFFECTS on the brain.) on the teenage brain. Nothing in your Thesis statement (concentrated on lung illness) gives any indication brain effects would be helpful for you.
    —Or learning ability.
    —What’s the point of the THC/nicotine comparison? Nobody’s going to choose one over the other on the basis of long-term effects. Tobacco smokers need a nicotine-delivery device. Marijuana smokers don’t care about nicotine. They want a convenient high.

    —This one is true. Banning e-cigarettes WOULD send smokers back to tobacco.
    —Stores probably DO run ID checks on their customers, but as your Background section clearlhy indicates, almost all illness sufferers bought their products from “informal” sources.
    —My ignorance: Are there batteries whose only purpose is to power THC cartridges?

    Was any of this helpful, JayV?
    Obviously you won’t want to spend time revising your Writing Plan if you’ve already posted an Op-Ed Draft, but use the feedback to improve your REAL post and use this as a touchstone to show how far you’ve advanced beyond your plan.


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