LTE for Portfolio—lovericeandnoodles

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In Michael R. Bloomberg and Matt Myers’ article, “Ban Flavored E-Cigarettes to Protect Our Children“, they argue that big tobacco companies are ruining teenagers lives with electronic cigarettes, a form of smoking that was originally designed to help adults stop smoking cigarettes. In the article, Bloomberg and Myers state that Federal health officials announced there are at least 450 cases of lung cancer and five deaths in 33 states. It is a strong possibility that vaping could very well be the cause of this. Throughout the article, both writers agree that vaping is harmful to teenagers and people in general. Vaping can easily end up creating a bad smoking habit that will continue throughout life. And so, I agree with the writers and agree that people, especially teenagers should not vape.

I believe that smoking anything is harmful to health. Nothing besides the air we breathe should be inhaled by our lungs, our bodies were not created to normally withstand any foreign gases, especially smoke or vapor. Young teenagers are starting to vape and the amount of them that are vaping is increasing quick. In the article it says that nearly 50 percent of middle schoolers are vaping. These kids in middle school are around 13 years old and that age is during a prime stage of development. If their brains are used to the addictive chemical nicotine at such a early age, it can surely have a lot of harmful effects both short-term and long-term. Nicotine makes people’s brains addicted and when these teenagers are using them so often, they don’t really they are setting themselves up to be addicted for a long time. Smoking is not an easy thing to quit because of nicotine so its best to stop people from vaping and smoking now.

Both Bloomberg and Myers believe that in order to “protect and save” our children, the government should ban flavored electronic cigarettes. I agree with this and I believe that there should only be flavors that don’t appeal to kids such as tobacco. However I am not entirely sure if taking flavored electronic cigarettes would be helpful. If people are really addicted they might just not care about the other flavors if its the same thing without the flavor. But what I truly believe is that these companies are purposely getting teenagers hooked to make more money, but to also lead them onto cigarettes. It is almost like they are trying to make the most money they can off of flavored e-cigarette products until it gets banned. Then when it is banned, all of these nicotine-addicted kids will start smoking cigarettes. Overall, electronic cigarettes need to be banned before teenagers and adults keep hurting their lungs, as it can lead to many worse illnesses or even death.

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2 Responses to LTE for Portfolio—lovericeandnoodles

  1. davidbdale says:

    OK, Noodles, let’s get started.

    P1. We’ll focus on claims first.
    —I’m not sure “companies are ruining teenagers’ lives” is accurate. “Threatening their health” is defensible.
    —Calling e-cigarettes “a form of smoking” is odd, since the point of e-cigarettes is to eliminate the smoke.
    —Saying that e-cigarettes were designed to help adults stop smoking is a very benign interpretation of a product that addicts teenagers to a dangerous and expensive substance that’s almost impossible to quit.
    —”450 cases of lung cancer” seemed unlikely, so I checked. It’s not. Cancer takes years, usually decades, to develop.
    —How can you say there’s “strong possibility” that vaping caused illness and death if you haven’t said they happened to vapers?
    —There’s no need to claim that the co-authors of an article “agree.”
    —It’s possible you do mean that vaping can lead to actual smoking of tobacco, but since you called vaping smoking earlier, we can’t be sure.
    —Nowhere do you cite the Centers for Disease Control, the actual source of the claim that “people who use e-cigarettes should consider stopping and that children should not use e-cigarettes at all.”

    You have a calm and reassuring authorial voice, Noodles. We will pay attention to you once you fact-check and sharpen the focus of your claims. But you undermine your own case when you are careless with your language as in your first paragraph.

    You can ask for additional feedback when you’ve made substantial revisions to your first paragraph, but I’d encourage you to give the rest of your letter a hard look also before putting it back into Feedback Please. When we’ve solidified your logic and claims, we can move on to rhetorical strategies and syntax.

    Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. I’m encouraged by your tone and the seriousness of your approach. Please keep the conversation going. I enjoy the interaction.

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    lovericeandnoodles, you didn’t make a specific Feedback request. I will return to offer feedback, but first I’ll respond to your classmates who gave me guidance about the sort of responses they wanted.

    Like

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