Writing Plan – Tenere84

Thesis Statement

Allowing schools to arm their teachers, despite the intention to protect children, would not only be ineffective in solving a non-problem but put students in greater danger as well.

Background and Evidence

In May 2019, members of the Florida State House proposed to allow teachers to carry firearms in school to give their students more protection. The proposed bill was produced in response to the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland that left 17 people dead and 17 wounded.

The proposal was hotly debated for months between Democrats and Republicans; some Democrats pleaded the House to consider its risks, while the Republicans continued to push the argument that students would be safeguarded by school shootings.

Shevrin D. Jones, a Democrat African-American, vehemently opposed the bill, citing that it would put minorities at a greater risk. Mr. Jones compared the behavior of discriminatory teachers to those of discriminatory police officers. He claimed, “There are bad police officers and there are bad teachers.”

While racial tensions in schools have toned down following the Civil Rights Movement in the 60’s, racism still exists in schools today. Many studies have shown that black children are profiled by teachers and receive significantly more punishment by teachers than white children. Allowing racist teachers to carry firearms would not only give them more power to discriminate against minorities, but it would also increase the level of escalation that they can cause in a variety of situations.

In addition to being counterproductive, the problem school boards hope to minimize or eliminate is non-existent. School shootings are significantly less common than a large number of issues, which include accidental gun deaths. Putting guns in the hands of teachers could lead to more accidental gun deaths in schools. In addition, firearms kept by teachers could even fall into the hands of dangerous students.

Sources I Have Found

As of October, a bill proposed in May allows Florida schools to arm its teachers.

In response to the Parkland shooting, Florida House lawmakers proposed a bill that would allow teachers to be armed. The intention of this bill is to protect students from gun violence. Democrats urged lawmakers to consider the risks.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.3102/0091732X16686949

Black students are significantly more likely to be punished as well as perceived as older and less innocent.

https://www.benjerry.com/whats-new/2017/11/systemic-racism-education

Racism still exists in schools today and has not been totally eradicated following the Civil Rights Movement. Examples of discrimination in place in schools today range from name-calling to teachers’ allowing discrimination by other students to punishing minorities significantly more than white students.

https://www.nap.edu/read/18319/chapter/3#14

Stats show that mass shootings in the United States are incredibly rare relative to other gun-violence-related issues, as well as other causes of death.

Sources I Haven’t Found Yet

I would like to find more evidence that accidental gun deaths could be perpetuated by allowing schools to arm their teachers.

Counterarguments I Need to Refute

If the right to bear arms cannot be alienated by the government, then public schools, which are endorsed by the government, should allow teachers to carry firearms.

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3 Responses to Writing Plan – Tenere84

  1. davidbdale says:

    Let’s take a look, Tenere,

    Thesis. Your thesis is strong and well-phrased. The momentary dislocation of “ineffective in solving a non-problem” is clever if you follow through and prove both: that it (kids need protection) is not a problem and that if they did need protection, arming teachers would be an ineffective solution.

    Allowing schools to arm their teachers, despite the intention to protect children, would not only be ineffective in solving a non-problem but put students in greater danger as well.

    Background and Evidence

    In May 2019, members of the Florida State House proposed to allow teachers to carry firearms in school to give their students more protection. The [bill was proposed as a solution to tragedies like] the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland that left 17 people dead and 17 wounded.

    Certainly you did not mean what you said here: “the Republicans continued to push the argument that students would be safeguarded by school shootings.”

    This is a little off: “Mr. Jones compared the behavior of discriminatory teachers to those of discriminatory police officers.” Until a teacher shoots a student, it’s going to be hard to compare behavior to behavior in this particular circumstance. He seems to be comparing discriminatory attitudes, not bad behaviors.

    I’m not here to critique your phrasing at this stage of the project, but as a caution, permit me some additional style notes, please.

    Allowing racist teachers to carry firearms would not only give them more power to discriminate against minorities, but it would also increase the level of escalation that they can cause in a variety of situations.

    I think the firearm would increase the lethality of their discrimination without giving the teachers “more power to discriminate.” Then, for concision’s sake: “but it would also cause situations to quickly escalate” or “to become violent.”

    One more style note. In addition to being counterproductive, the problem school boards hope to minimize or eliminate is non-existent.
    While the problem may be non-existent, it’s not counterproductive. The proposed solution might be, but the problem, not.

    One more style note. Really. School shootings are significantly less common than a large number of issues, which include accidental gun deaths.
    The “large number of issues” is empty language that ruins your momentum.
    School shootings are significantly less common than accidental gun deaths and other real threats.

    I realize I still haven’t answered your questions.

    1. Did I make my Writing Plan correctly?
    Yes, exactly correctly.

    2. Do I have enough evidence?
    Probably. OpEd’s depend more on logic, reasoning, and well-worded claims (in other words, on persuasion) than they do on evidence. The best evidence would probably be that handguns result in more ACCIDENTAL or UNINTENTIONAL or COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE than beneficial outcomes, evidence that the very presence of a handgun increases the likelihood that small tensions will escalate to violence. And certainly, since your thesis has an essential racial aspect, evidence that innocent minorities are more often victimized than innocent whites will be helpful.

    https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.3102/0091732X16686949?journalCode=rrea
    Black students are significantly more likely to be punished as well as perceived as older and less innocent.
    This one is particularly good. The outcome for “significantly more often punished students” will be tragic when the “punishment” is getting shot.

    https://www.benjerry.com/whats-new/2017/11/systemic-racism-education
    Generalized evidence of racism is not necessary once you establish that violent punishment is more likely.

    https://www.nap.edu/read/18319/chapter/3#14
    Stats show that mass shootings in the United States are incredibly rare relative to other gun-violence-related issues, as well as other causes of death.
    This is a little esoteric when dead kids are the outcome you want to prevent. It’s true, and I agree with you, but expect a LOT of pushback from parents with kids in school who DON’T CARE how rare the likelihood.

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    Tenere, I’m here because you asked me for feedback yesterday after class. I wouldn’t have known you wanted feedback otherwise since you didn’t put your post into the Feedback Please category.

    I’ve done that for you now, and I’ll be back to provide feedback when your post comes up in the Feedback Please queue.

    Like

  3. tenere84 says:

    I think I’ve misplaced my arguments, as they should probably not be in the “Background and Evidence” section.

    But other than that, what feedback can you offer? I’m a bit confused as for what kind of feedback I should be asking since it’s not really an essay. Did I make my writing plan properly? Do I have enough evidence or should I do more research into why my thesis is correct?

    Like

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