Editorial for Portfolio – bmdpiano

Will Ignorance Ultimately Kill Our Planet?

Brazilian President, Jair Bolsonaro, among other politicians are slow to aid Earth’s cry for help and people are becoming angry.   

In the 1800’s, the curiosity of human produced gases, such as CO2 being able to collect in the Earth’s atmosphere and insulate us provoked many experiments. By the time it was the late 1950’s, rising CO2 readings began to foreshadow the future of a vastly climate-changing world. It is now 2019 and urgency is striking us to take action against our world being cooked. Though there is activism to push the idea of slowing the global warming process, many politicians (of all countries) refuse to agree with science and take action. 

Take Brazilian President, Jair Bolsonaro for example. The Amazon Rainforest fires have hit an 80% increase in this alone. Many might ask, “Why does it matter if the Amazon is burning?” The answer: The Amazon regulates the Earth’s oxygen and is commonly known as the carbon sink, meaning that it absorbs large amounts of carbon dioxide which is actively destroying our atmosphere. After the refusal of $22 million from the members of G7 to help extinguish the fires, Bolsonaro dulled his image even more, not only to the citizens of Brazil, but to the entire world. Many environmentalists say that a bulk of wildfires were set by cattle ranchers and loggers to utilize the bare land under Bolsonaro’s instruction. It is understandable that the Brazilian government wants to assist their people into better lives and provide more resources, but killing a planet’s ecosystem is not the way to go about it. Though Bolsonaro has sent 2,500 troops to combat the fires, he continues to literally fuel them. When the worries over the Amazon rose and the leaders of European countries began to criticize Bolsonaro’s policies, he refuted that “the Amazon is Brazil’s, not yours.” This shows that it all comes down to money and how Bolsonsaro wants Brazil to increase their economic power by profiting off the suffocating lung of the Earth. Unfortunately, many other politicians follow in these footsteps. 

The youth continues to protest as global warming is becoming a more serious issue each day. The anxiety of saving the planet has now turned into anger towards those who have the power to do so, but refuse to do their part. Money seems to be their main motivation rather than a generation who is being handed down this beautiful planet. They should consider the question, “how will you make money when there won’t be a world to make money in anymore?”

While a set of politicians recline in their expensive office chairs, we can do our part by taking part in protests and reducing our carbon footprint. Find inspiration in Greta Thunberg who is a young teenager who is angry about the conditions of the future environment. Next time there is a rally or an awareness event, take part in making all of our voices heard to demand permanent changes in the global economy. To those who still do not partake in these activities, it’s time to quit being ignorant and apathetic. Everyday, species become more endangered because of human made gases and a poor job of keeping our planet clean. Endangering species and allowing trees to burn to ashes changes the ecosystem which in turn affects us. What is more important, the bragging rights of a country’s economy or the future of a bright generation?

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4 Responses to Editorial for Portfolio – bmdpiano

  1. Take a look at my last blog on Brazil killing the world….maybe some similarities

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  2. bmdpiano says:

    I went over the feedback from the draft and I added in information and made changes based off of that. Please let me know if I made changes for the better. My main objective was to make the issue sound more urgent. Thank you!

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    • davidbdale says:

      I will certainly respond to your question, “Does the issue sound urgent?,” Piano, but as you know by now, I won’t compare this version to your earlier drafts. Feedback/Revision is forward-, not backward-looking.

      Piano, I’m doing a quick round of feedback this afternoon to maintain the momentum I’ve been gathering to respond to dozens of Feedback Please requests. Feel free to put your post back into Feedback Please if you want more reactions or a different sort of feedback.

      There’s urgency here, Piano, but there’s also wasted opportunity. Your first paragraph contains an idea so urgent it should be capitalized, not buried. “Our world is cooking.”

      I want to urge you to make the best possible use of your best, most robust claims, such as this one, by stating them as clearly and unambiguously as possible. For example:

      Our world is cooking. Since the 1800’s when CO2 from coal furnaces was determined to collect in Earth’s atmosphere and trap heat, the danger of human-produced gases has been obvious. By the 1950s, rising CO2 readings were foreshadowing a rapidly warming world. In 2019, after ten straight years of record-high temperatures, scientists demand urgent action to reverse warming, but politicians of many countries deny science and continue their destructive behaviors.

      Do you see how much the insertion of that single blunt claim sets up the development of your entire paragraph? In your original, we start with curiosity, move to experiments, to foreshadowing of change, then to “striking us to take action” all before we know the sequence is about a DANGEROUSLY WARMING WORLD. In the revised version, we read those “setup” sentences with the understanding that they are headed toward that hot planet.

      In your second paragraph, if we don’t know that farmers, with the tacit support of the Bolsonaro government, are deliberately burning down the Amazon Rainforest to clear the land for agriculture or livestock farming, we have no idea what you’re talking about.

      In addition, you bury your primary claim, again, at the very bottom of the paragraph. If you started with “profiting off the suffocating lung of the Earth,” we’d have a better idea from the top that the burning forests are filling the planet’s lungs with smoke. That would be urgent. And that would expand the power of every sentence that follows.

      What’s the boldest claim of P3? That youth condemn the raping of the planet for profit. Are you afraid to say that? If you can make that claim, everything else in the paragraph follows naturally.

      Brilliant: “While a set of politicians recline in their expensive office chairs”
      Weak: “We can do our part.”
      Weak: “take part in making all our voices heard”
      Strong: “stop being ignorant and apathetic”
      Weak: “species become more endangered.”
      Strong: “33 species go extinct”
      Weak: “a poor job of keeping our planet clean”
      Strong: “toxic gases that foul and poison our planet”
      Weak: “allowing trees to burn to ashes changes the ecosystem which in turn affects us.”
      Strong: “torching the rainforest strangles our airflow”
      Brilliant: “the bragging rights of a country’s economy or the future of a bright generation”

      You’ve done some beautiful work, Piano. I hope this will feel like positive feedback to a willing participant in revision. You’re learning a valuable skill here.

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