There have been one to many recent breaches in the White House security due to incompetence of the secret service, explained in the New York Times article – Armed Intruder at White House Got to East Room. Scandal is a popular show about a woman who protects the reputation and secrets of the people who need her; and her number one reoccurring client is the President. Throughout the show it is extremely prominent that the secret service will take a bullet for the president—do anything to protect his life. Now I understand that this is just a show, but shouldn’t the people of the United States believe that same thing about the relationship of the actual secret service and the actual president?
The White House should be the safest and most protected place in the United States, so breaches in its security is of course a problem; however the problem is deeper than that. Because of these recent security breaches the relationship between the president and the secret service is now in question. This could cause an ugly domino effect of more people testing the power of the secret service, or their will to actually protect the president and the White House. These recent events make me, a simple first year nutrition student question so much; my fear is that a dedicated trained team of terrorists are also beginning to question the security of the President, any high ranking politician, and all the information that lives in the White House.
The doubts in the secret service needs to be put to an end, and the only way to do that is to fire those who were inadequate. My first job was at Starbucks, being the new girl I had to close every night for my first month. One night I foolishly forgot to the lock the back door, the next morning it was clear that things were stolen from the store; and yes I was fired, I honestly did not expect anything less. Now if a young barista was fired due to her inability to complete her job, than the same should go for secret service employees who have one of the most important jobs in this country—protecting our president.
Breaches of the White House security is just unacceptable; the President, his family, and the White House deserve the strongest protection we can provide. Whether it is racism or politics that has the Secret Service asleep on their job, it is time to replace them immediately with agents that will take pride and risk their lives to protect President Obama.
ahntkd99
carahall
andrewbecharaa
athenapup4
bane1900
bestbaker123
bmdpiano
comp0327
compclass8
cynicalwordsmith22
doglover441
drippydoughnut
drpaleontology
gcatt310
givemeclouttokens
hershey515
iamsleepy01
imagination4421
influenza123
jackso23
Jayv23
kraemercali
lazybear8
lelebxby
lg102015
lovericeandnoodles
lucbe219
morra2024
mpsj13
roses0102
Sub2MigzFilms
smellycat23
tenere84
thefrontbottom
voxpopuli75
whosyourcookie22
yankeefan25
Newspaperlessness 
Mica, before we go any further, your first sentence Fails for Grammar three times, so I’m going to correct it as a demonstration. If you can’t detect and correct your FFG errors in future, you’ll delay your grades for as long as it takes to clear them.
The incompetence of the secret service has caused too many breaches of White House security recently, according to “Armed Intruder at White House Got to East Room,” by Michael D. Shear and Michael S. Schmidt in last week’s New York Times.
Your transition to the Scandal material is too abrupt, and you should never apologize for an analogy. If it isn’t strong enough to make your point, don’t use it.
If I wanted to use a TV-show analogy to make an important point, I’d start with the show, mica. (“If Omar Gonzalez had scaled the White House fence and made it to the First Family’s living quarters in the TV show Scandal, we would have criticized the show’s writers for over-the-top fantasy. But last week, it happened for real . . . .”)
P2. You’ve mentioned “breaches” three or four times already without a single bit of evidence, mica. Readers will start wondering if you know anything about them. We appreciate your concern for the nation’s safety, but your vague allegations of “security breaches,” and “the relationship between the president and the secret service,” and “an ugly domino effect,” and “the information that lives in the White House” don’t go very far to establish your credibility. Lean on some evidence here.
P3. One of your classmates converted this paragraph into a single sentence, rather effectively. Find and study that example, mica. It contains valuable lessons about quickly communicating essential information.
P4. Mica, did you just play the race card? I see no possible explanation for it. Without the allegation, I don’t see much else new that this paragraph accomplishes.
I’m pretty sure I’d be dismayed if I received Notes like these, mica, but this is a young semester still, and you have plenty of time to produce good work. Watching demonstrations in class, you might feel you’re picking up valuable writing skills, but there’s no substitute for actual practice. So we do multiple drafts. Put this one behind you with glee and whip up another, please.
LikeLike
Timely posted. —DSH
Grade required. —DSH
LikeLike