Brevity TR – mica

Original:

It is obvious that terroristic attacks are considered to be a heinous crime in the United States, and for many Americans the attacks on September 11, 2001 are considered to be the biggest national disaster in decades and perhaps of all time, as approximately  3,000 casualties resulted from the attacks. In the past 4 months, there has been nearly double the amount of casualties in Iraq due to ISIS attacks than the number of casualties that occurred in the U.S. due to the 9/11 attacks. Innocent citizens in Iraq are being hung, beheaded and even crucified because of their religious or political beliefs. Helping these Iraqi citizens should not be a focus of international affairs, but rather an example of the United States sticking to its morals and fighting terrorism and helping victims of the heinous crime.

Rewrite:

Terroristic attacks are a heinous crime in the United States; the attacks on September 11, 2001 are considered to be the biggest national diaster of all time. In the past 4 months there has been nearly double the amount of casualties in Iraq due to ISIS attacks, than the 3,000 casualties that occurred on the infamous September 11th. Innocent citizens in Iraq are being hung, beheaded and even crucified because of their religious or political beliefs. The United States should stick to its morals and help Iraq fight the terrorism that is happening to its citizens.

 

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