MW Workshop

Negative Sports Media

Professional sports are known as great entertainment, but some people only find and report the negative news that they hear or see. News reporters, for example the reporters of newspapers and news shows, don’t always write about what happens on the field, but rather find aspects of what professional players do wrong off of the field.

The first sentence sets up a false contradiction. There’s nothing contradictory about:
A: Sports are great entertainment
B: Reporters go negative
As a consequence, readers don’t know what to make of the very first sentence, and the author loses most of her credibility.

A truer contradiction would be:
A: Sports are thrilling for the physical feats on display in athletic competition.
B: However, many reporters ignore the spectacle on the field and concentrate only on reporting negative off-the-field activities.

This is exactly the content of the second sentence, a clear demonstration that the first sentence was wasteful and confusing.

Exercise: Rewrite the first paragraph in a Reply below, in one sentence or two. Identify your comment as “Negative Sports Media.”

Learning in Our Sleep

Sleep is the most effective tool a person can utilize when wanting to improve the performance and efficiency of their brain. The more sleep someone gets the better their performance on exams and anything they are trying to learn will be.

The sentences Fail For Grammar (FFG) twice for pronoun disagreement (a person/their brain) (someone/their performance/they). But besides that they’re also quite wordy and get the essay off to a very slow start.

It says: Sleep is the most effective tool a person can utilize when wanting to improve the performance and efficiency of their brain.
It means: Sleep improves the brain’s efficiency.

It says: The more sleep someone gets the better their performance on exams and anything they are trying to learn will be.
It means: Sleeping longer helps us learn and perform better on exams.

Exercise: Rewrite the first paragraph in a Reply below, in just a few sentences. Consider using a brief, simple illustration. The tone is informational but light.

Failing Schools

The replacement of large failing public schools with smaller “specialized” schools will successfully guide underprivileged students in the right direction to become successful. Many disadvantaged students in areas like New York City are forced to attend large high schools with extremely low graduation rates. These high schools are overcrowded with students and understaffed with teachers. Classrooms are filled above capacity and the “schools are simply under managed.” These inner city areas consist of countless students living in poverty and receiving an education without the proper motivation and techniques needed to succeed.

The sentences introduce plenty of material but are wordy and repetitious.

Fat: The replacement of large failing public schools with smaller “specialized” schools will successfully guide underprivileged students in the right direction to become successful
Lean: Underprivileged students are more likely to succeed when large failing public schools are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools.

Fat: Many disadvantaged students in areas like New York City are forced to attend large high schools with extremely low graduation rates.
Lean (combine with 1st sentence): Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when large failing public schools are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools.

Fat:These high schools are overcrowded with students and understaffed with teachers.
Lean: (Combine 1st 3 sentences): Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when the overcrowded, understaffed public schools they’re forced to attend are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools.

Fat: Classrooms are filled above capacity and the “schools are simply under managed.”
Lean (combine with 1, 2, 3): Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when the overcrowded, understaffed, badly managed public schools they’re forced to attend are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools, says Bill Moyers.

Fat: These inner city areas consist of countless students living in poverty and receiving an education without the proper motivation and techniques needed to succeed.
Lean: Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate them or teach them to succeed.

Final Product:Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when the overcrowded, understaffed, badly managed public schools they’re forced to attend are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools, says Bill Moyers. Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate them or teach them to succeed.

Exercise: Expand the final two-sentence version back out to three or four sentences, adding a hook, a brief illustration, or an expression of opinion.

Death with Dignity

Paul Lamb, 57 was left quadriplegic in a horrific car accident twenty- three years ago. He lives day by day in pain. His only release is the constant drip of morphine into his body. Mr. Lamb is not the man that he wanted to be, having to be dependent on the help from others. He describes his life as “unbearable” because of the intense pain. He has gone to court multiple times in hopes someone will be merciful and allow him to end his suffering, but he got rejected.

The paragraph suffers from a choppy, repetitive sentence structure. Every sentence begins with Paul Lamb or a pronoun referring to Paul Lamb. The result is a series of unrelated statements that make no argument.

One Solution: Paul Lamb, 57, deserves the right to be released from his pain and dependency. For 23 years, he has lived in unbearable pain, or debilitated by a morphine drip that eases the body’s agony without relieving his total dependence on others since quadriplegia deprived him of the use of his limbs. Since he cannot be the man he wants to be, Lamb has spent years unsuccessfully battling the courts for the right to end his suffering.

Exercise: Rewrite the same material to emphasize why Mr. Lamb, and nobody else, should have the right to decide his fate.

About davidbdale

Inventor of and sole practitioner of 299-word Very Short Novels. www.davidbdale.wordpress.com
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21 Responses to MW Workshop

  1. ipl371comp says:

    Negative Sports Media
    Despite the fact that professional sports are filled with amazing performances by talented athletes, people and news reporters seem to only focus on the wrongs that may be committed by the athletes off the field.

    Learning in Our Sleep
    Sleep is the most effective tool a person can utilize when wanting to improve the performance and efficiency of their brain. The more sleep a person gets every night, the better the person will perform each task the next day.

    Failing Schools
    Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when the overcrowded, understaffed, badly managed public schools they’re forced to attend are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools, says Bill Moyers. Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate them or teach them to succeed. The majority of the New York City schools fail to pass even one out of every 10 students. These schools are falling by the way side, and the only way these schools will improve is if people put down the proper foundation and funding.

    Death with Dignity
    Paul Lamb, 57, a quadriplegic that deserves the right to death with dignity. After a horrific car accident, Lamb has been dependent upon a morphine drip for the last twenty three years. There is no hope to be had by Lamb, no motivation to live, just living day to day in pure agony. Since Lamb can no longer be the man he wants, and he has been unsuccessfully battling the courts for the right to end his life.

    Like

  2. gamer1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media: Sports are a thrilling display of physical feats in athletic competition; however, most reporters focus not on the events on the field, but rather on the negative news that occurs off the field.

    Learning in Our Sleep: The best thing that a person can do to improve mental performance is to sleep for at least 8 hours regularly. Sleeping improves the efficiency of the brain, allows knowledge to be retained, and improves exam performance.

    Failing Schools: Students who live in poverty are not receiving the education that they deserve because they cannot afford to attend schools that are well managed.Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when the overcrowded, understaffed, badly managed public schools they’re forced to attend are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools, says Bill Moyers. Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate them or teach them to succeed.

    Death with Dignity: Paul Lamb, 57, deserves the right to be released from his pain and dependency. Lamb has spent years unsuccessfully battling the courts for the right to end his suffering. However, the courts should not be allowed to impede on Mr. Lamb’s desire to put himself out of his misery. For 23 years, he has endured agonizing pain, debilitated by a morphine drip that eases his body’s agony without relieving his total dependence on others since quadriplegia has reduced him to a living stump.

    Like

  3. sionnain1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media-
    Competitiveness and the display of physical prowess have always made profesional sports an engaging spectacle, yet it would seem that many reporters disregard the feats made on the field and only focus on the blunders players make off the turf.

    Learning in Our Sleep-
    Sleep allows your brain to rest and repair, as well as improve upon its effectiveness. Studies show that a good night’s sleep can lead to better performance on exams.

    Failing Schools-
    Students who find themselves underprivileged and living in one of the five boroughs are more likely to be educationally deprived. When placed in learning environments that are overcrowded, understaffed, and badly managed they are less likely to graduate. However, graduation rates improves for disadvantaged students when they can be placed in “specialized” schools that allow them access to the education they deserve.

    Death with Dignity-
    Fifty-seven year old Paul Lamb, who was left in severe and chronic pain after a life altering collision, feels that it is his right to be liberated from his anguish and reliance of drugs. For over two decades Lamb has survived his physical pain only through the constant assistance of morphine, but no amount of opioids can relieve the emotional trama of not being capable of using your limbs. Since Lamb’s condition is intolerable and irreversible he spent years unsuccessfully battling the courts for the right to end his suffering.

    Like

  4. thefluxcapacitor1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media

    Professional athletes performing physical feats and providing entertainment for millions worldwide are berated for their off-field activity instead of praised for their in game talents.

    Learning In Our Sleep

    Sleep is crucial to our brains ability to learn and remember. Once we learn new material, sleep helps cement the information. In contrast, sleep deprivation impairs a our ability to focus and learn efficiently.

    Failing Schools

    Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate from specialized schools. The overcrowded, understaffed, badly managed public schools they’re forced to attend are causing graduation rates to remain low. If replaced with smaller “specialized” schools, says Bill Moyers, graduation rates are likely to improve. Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate them or teach them to succeed.

    Death With Dignity

    Paul Lamb, 57, deserves the right to be released from his intense pain and dependency. For 23 years, he has lived in unbearable pain, or debilitated by a morphine drip that eases the body’s agony without relieving his total dependence on others since quadriplegia deprived him of the use of his limbs. Denied the right to die by his country, Lamb now suffers in silence.

    Like

  5. aspiretoinspire1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media
    Though the spectacle of professional sports present various on field opportunities for a reporter to get published, the trend currently is to report on the off-field drama professional athletes may find themselves in.

    Learning in our Sleep
    Sleep improves the brain’s efficiency, in turn allowing us to learn and perform better on exams.

    Failing Schools
    Let’s do away with all of the overcrowded, understaffed, badly managed public schools in New York City. Underprivileged Students deserve to attend smaller “specialized” schools where they are more likely to graduate, says Bill Moyers. Students living in poverty need proper motivation and guidance to succeed. Unfortunately, both of these attributes are not present in today’s New York public schools.

    Death with Dignity
    Paul Lamb, 57, lives day by day in pain save for the times a morphine drip temporarily hides the pain. The unfortunate disaster that left Paul quadriplegic and forever reliant on others, has stolen his will to live. The courts won’t accept Mr. Lamb’s receipt to return his life of which he was unfortunately cheated by fate into purchasing. Scandal? Bad PR? Free will was something promised to every child. Paul’s will to remove the years of future pain and agony should be met. It’s his right.

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  6. max1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media
    Professional sports are known to be very entertaining. However, many sports reporters ignore the positive, sensational actions that happen on the field and tend to draw more attention to the negative side of what players do when they aren’t on the field.

    Learning in Our Sleep
    Sleep is the most effective way for someone to improve his or her brain efficiency and results in improved exam scores.

    Failing Schools
    Underprivileged students in New York City should be able to attend smaller “specialized” schools. By switching to smaller, less crowded schools, students would be able to succeed. Underprivileged students already have to deal with living in poverty, so it makes sense for them to have the motivation and opportunity to change the situation they are in.

    Death with Dignity
    Mr. Lamb, and nobody else, should be able to decide his own fate. It’s his body, his suffering and his fate to determine. The intense pain and the fact that Mr. Lamb has to rely on others to survive are reasons in themselves to allow him to be granted assisted death.

    Like

  7. matteo1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media
    Sports have been and always will be a source of inspiration, entertainment, and displays of remarkable physical feats. However, sports writers would rather focus on all the negative aspects of the game and completely overlook the core purpose of sport for good ratings.

    Learning in Our Sleep
    Sleep is the ultimate study tool. A good night’s sleep will do the brain more good than any monotonous, all-night study session.

    Failing Schools
    The mass production approach to education these days is simply unacceptable. Classroom are jam packed with students and being taught by a massively underpopulated faculty in urban areas such as New York City. A change to smaller, more specialized schools is needed immediately. Only through such a change will we see a break in multigenerational poverty and see a country with a brighter future than past.

    Death with Dignity
    Paul Lamb is unlike any other hospital story you will hear about today. The 57 year old was in a life changing car accident 23 years ago that left him paralyzed. For the 23 long years, morphine has been the only relief Lamb has experienced. However, worse than all his injuries, the worst part about Lamb’s life is that he is completely dependent on people around him, which can be the most embarrassing and painful way a person can live. On multiple occasions, Lamb has been to court to fight for an end to his suffering. The only difference between Lamb and people that have to have family member decide whether or not to, “pull the plug,” is that Lamb can talk. Therefore, this case should be much easier than any others where a family has to decide for a person if they live or die considering there is direct input from Lamb. Due to the rarity of Lamb’s condition and how long he has been dealing with this way of life, he is more entitled than anyone to have one final wish granted.

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  8. supafreak1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media:
    Despite all the great accomplishments that happen during professional sports, News reporters almost always focus their attention on the negative and wrong doings of the athletes outside of the sport habit.
    Sleep is Learning:
    Remember when you were in a situation and you had that feeling of deja vu based on a past dream, and you picked the better option because you knew what the outcome was for the other option. Well that is learning while you sleep. While you sleep you’re giving your brain the opportunity to rest and relax from all the content hard work it went through. Sleep helps improve the performance of the brain.
    Failing Schools:
    With all the different types of cultures, ethnicities, and opportunities, New York is easily one the best places to learn, grow, and achieve great things. However, the students who attend the public school system may disagree. Having to attend to attend an overcrowded school, with very little staff, and poor management, these inner-city students are being hindered from growing.
    Death with Dignity:
    57 year-old, Paul Lamb, has his own right to what he may do with his life. For 23 years, he has been a quadriplegic in unbearable pain and on a morphine drip that does not relieve him of his dependency of others. Since he is unhappy with himself, and who he has become, Lamb has been back and forth to the courts to try and end his life.

    Like

  9. thedawg1comp says:

    Sleep
    Sleep is effective at improving brain efficiency. In fact, a good night’s sleep can help us in the learning process and improve our exam scores.
    Sports
    When there are so many positives about professional sports, it is a shame that reporters manage to focus only on the negatives. Reports focus too much on off field activity instead of the actual play of the athletes.
    Schools
    Many public schools in New York are overcrowded, understaffed and poorly managed. The underprivileged students within these schools deserve to have these schools replaced with smaller specialized schools that can properly teach and motivate them.
    Death With Dignity
    Paul Lamb lives his life in daily agony and deserves the right to be released from his pain. At the age of 24, Paul Lamb was in a horrific car accident and has lived his life depending on friends and family for the last 23 years of his life. Paul Lamb has spent years battling courts for his right to death, but unfortunately this right was never granted to him. Paul Lamb should be given the right to death with dignity.

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  10. rhett1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media
    Professional sports are seen as great entertainment because of the physical feats done by the players. However many reporters ignore the entertainment of the sports and only report on the negative aspects that occur off the field.

    Learning in Our Sleep
    Sleep is the most effective tool when trying to increase the performance and efficiency of the brain. When trying to prepare for an exam without the proper amount of sleep, just pure knowledge of the material will not get the job done.

    Failing Schools
    Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when the poorly managed public schools are replaced with “specialized” schools, says Bill Moyers. These inner-city students are already live in poverty and deserve much more then the failing school system provided for them. These schools do not live up to the task of motivating their students and giving them the tools to be successful.

    Death with Dignity
    Paul Lamb, 57, was left a quadriplegic after a horrific car accident twenty-three years ago. Since then he has lived in constant pain with the only relief for him being the drip of morphine into his body. His only wish is to end his unfulfilling and unbearable life, but for some reason the people of the court sees his pain as a problem of their own denying his request for peace.

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  11. bukowski1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media

    Professional sports players get hired to produce great entertainment yet all the media fixates on are the mistakes that the players make in their own lives,

    Learning in our sleep

    Sleep is the most effective tool one can use to improve brain performance. The more an individual sleeps, the more

    Failing Schools

    The children that many would call underclass that go to school in the city have a greater possibility of graduating when they trade out their crowded badly managed public school for what Bill Moyers calls smaller specialized schools. These children deserve better than schools in poverty than breed nothing but more poverty. Schools should motivate and teach students how to succeed.

    Death with Dignity

    Paul Lamb is a man who had lived and taken care of himself until he was 34. He was a self sustaining member of society that made his own decisions. There should be no reason why he has to battle just to make a decision about the well being of his life especially when the only thing that keeps Lamb’s life bearable is a heavy narcotic.

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    • bukowski1comp says:

      (PLEASE DELETE ABOVE)
      Negative Sports Media

      Professional sports players get hired to produce great entertainment yet all the media fixates on are the mistakes that the players make in their own lives.

      Learning in our sleep

      Sleep is the most effective tool one can use to improve brain efficiency. The more an individual sleeps the greater the benefit to ones performance on exams.

      Failing Schools

      The children that many would call underclass that go to school in the city have a greater possibility of graduating when they trade out their crowded badly managed public school for what Bill Moyers calls smaller specialized schools. These children deserve better than schools in poverty than breed nothing but more poverty. Schools should motivate and teach students how to succeed.

      Death with Dignity

      Paul Lamb is a man who had lived and taken care of himself until he was 34. He was a self sustaining member of society that made his own decisions. There should be no reason why he has to battle just to make a decision about the well being of his life especially when the only thing that keeps Lamb’s life bearable is a drug that is only legal when used by doctors because of its potency.

      Like

  12. rowansonlyjetsfan1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media:
    Each week several amazing feats are accomplished by athletes, but sports reporters are no longer focusing on the highlight reel, instead they have shifted the focus to telling negative news stories about our favorite players and teams.

    Learning in our Sleep:
    Sleep is by far the most important daily activity a student can take part in daily. The most beneficial reward to getting a good nights sleep is a more efficient brain, which heightens focus, performance on exams, and alertness in class.

    Failing Schools:
    New York City’s overcrowded, understaffed, and badly managed public schools are failing horrifically. The Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate or teach them to succeed. The solution Bill Moyers says, is to replace those failing schools with more “specialized” schools that give underprivileged students a better learning environment.

    Death with Dignity:
    Paul Lamb, a 57 year old quadriplegic, has been relentlessly denied his right to determine is own fate. For 23 years he has been forced to suffer with the pain, humiliation, and total dependence on others. A constant morphine drip is all Lamb has to alleviate some of the pain, much an intolerable amount still strikes him. The quality of life is extremely poor for Lamb, and he admits that it’s time to end the suffering. He, as in individual should have the sole right to decide on matters of his own life.

    Like

  13. treehugger361comp says:

    1. Sports are a captivating, and thrilling display of physical features. However, reporters emphasize what happens during off-field events.

    2. Sleep effectively improves the performance and efficiency on the human mind. Getting more sleep, will only help improve the brain.

    3. These high schools are overcrowded with students and understaffed with teachers. Teachers, that do not push the students to their potential.Classrooms are filled above capacity and the “schools are simply under managed.” These inner city areas consist of countless students living in poverty and receiving an education without the proper motivation and techniques needed to succeed.

    4. Paul Lamb. 57 has been battling pain and misery for the past twenty-three years. Living in a world of dependency has finally decided to take control. The decision if he should live or not is his choice, and being the one who lives with the pain should be the only one with the decision.

    Like

  14. munchkin1comp says:

    1.) Negative Sports Media: Professional sports are exciting for the physical performances on display as entertainment. However, many news reporters overlook the spectacle on the field and focus only on reporting what the players do wrong off the field.

    2.) Learning in our Sleep: Sleep can improve a person’s performance and efficiency. The more sleep a person can get, the better her performance will be on tests and exams.

    3.) Failing Schools: In New York City, disadvantaged students have a higher chance of graduating when the understaffed public schools they’re forced to attend are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools. According to Bill Moyers, classrooms are filled above capacity and the “schools are simply under managed.” Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t inspire them or teach them to succeed.

    4.) Death by Dignity: For 23 years, Paul Lamb, 57, has had to live day by day in pain. The only release is the constant drip of morphine into his body. Having to be dependent on the help of others, since he was left quadriplegic, is not the life he envisioned for himself. Being rejected after going to court multiple times, Lamb hopes someone will be merciful and allow him to end his suffering.

    Like

  15. vermster71comp says:

    Negative Sports Media
    Professional sports is a form of entertainment because of the amazing actions that happen on the field. News reporters don’t always write about what happens on the field, rather they write about what happens off of the field.

    Learning in Our Sleep
    Sleeping is a form of refreshment, refreshing the mind and body for a new day. More sleep improves the use and efficiency of someones brain. With more sleep, a person will do better on tests and quizzes, along with other daily tasks.

    Failing Schools
    “… teach them to succeed.” Inner city kids need a well run school that has a stable and healthy environment. Providing those necessary needs will motivate children and teens to do better in school.

    Death with Dignity
    Paul Lamb suffers from quadriplegia because of a massive car accident he was in 27 years ago. Living in unbearable pain day to day, morphine is what keeps him alive when all he wants to do is end his own life. He is not allowed to do that because of the American way of life. America is all about maintaining the lives of citizens, therefore Mr. Lamb, nor the nurses, can end his life.

    Like

  16. mazda1comp says:

    Negative Sports Media

    Sports are such a fantastic source of entertainment, but the news media really doesn’t think so. Typically news media doesn’t cover the great events taking place on the field, but yet they cover the terrible things athletes do off the field.

    Learning In Our Sleep

    Sleep is an effective tool, it improves the brain’s efficiency. The more sleep acquired the better performance and learning abilities will be.

    Failing Schools

    Replacing the terribly overcrowded, badly staffed, and under managed, public schools of New York City with smaller specialized schools, the rate of graduation will skyrocket. These children are already living in poverty, they don’t deserve to have horrific schooling as well.

    Death With Dignity

    Paul Lamb a man that suffered a terrible injury from a car accident has been in pain for over 20 years. He never enjoys life because of the constant pain he is in and the only time he doesn’t feel much pain is when he takes morphine. He went to court several times to try to end his suffering, but it hasn’t worked out so far. The accident caused him to be a quadriplegic and he doesn’t feel the want to live and suffer anymore.

    Like

  17. tobes1comp says:

    Rewrite, Negative Sports Media.
    Although professional sports is supposed to be seen as entertainment, reporters often focus on the negative aspects of it; they tend to report about what happens off the field than on the field.

    Rewrite, Learning in Our Sleep.
    Sleep is the fundamental tool used to help student perform better on exams.

    Rewrite, Failing Schools.
    When schools in New York are less crowded and less badly managed is when there will be a positive difference in the community. Underprivileged students attending these understaffed schools will have a high chance of graduating if these changes are made. Smaller “specialized” schools is what these students need to succeed, rather than attending a school that doesn’t motivate or help them on a personal level.

    Rewrite, Death with Dignity.
    Paul Lamb, 57, has lived in unbearable pain; quadriplegia deprived him of the use use of his limbs and the poor man’s only relief to his pain being the occasional drip of morphine. He’s battled the courts for his right to end his suffering and it’s his choice to want a release from his life, which will only get worse.

    Like

    • tobes1comp says:

      Rewrite, Death with Dignity. (Pt. 2?)
      Paul Lamb, 57, has lived in unbearable pain; quadriplegia deprived him of the use use of his limbs and the poor man’s only relief to his pain is the occasional drip of morphine. His life will only get worse, he lacks hope and the ability to go one, unlike others who have something in their lives to keep them going. His wish should be granted; he is miserable and in no way can get better.

      Like

  18. fluffy1comp says:

    “Negative Sports Media”
    News reporters don’t always write about what happens on the field, they find aspects of what professional players do wrong off of the field.

    “Learning in Our Sleep”
    Sleep improves the brain’s efficiency. Sleeping longer also helps us learn and perform better on exams.

    “Failing Schools”
    Underprivileged students in New York City are more likely to graduate when large failing public schools are replaced with smaller “specialized” schools. The schools are over crowded, understaffed, and badly managed. Inner-city students already living in poverty deserve better than failing schools that don’t motivate them or teach them to succeed.

    “Death with Dignity”
    Paul Lamb, 57, a quadriplegic, lives everyday in pain since his car accident 23 years ago. He is dependent on the constant drip of morphine into his body and does not want to be. Mr.Lamb has gone to court multiple times so he can be released from this unbearable pain, but he is rejected every time.

    Like

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