Insert Title Here
To the Editor:
Re “The New York Yankees are a Moral Abomination” (July 14, 2018)
In your article you claim that the New York Yankees have taken advantage of the fact that the M.L.B. has no salary cap and has purchased all of their World Series titles. The often referred to group known as the “Core Four”, consisting of Marino Rivera, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, and Jorge Posada, all arose through the Yankees minor league system eventually making it to the big leagues. They were not signed as big time superstars but young and up-and-coming ball players.
As someone who grew up in the suburbs of New York and spent countless Sundays attending the old and new neighboring Yankee Stadiums, I’ve realized that the large amount of money spent by the Yankees helps them, but is not to credit for their pennants. If the Yankees had paid to win all of their championships, being the richest team in baseball wouldn’t they have at least made the playoffs every year? They have instead failed to make the playoffs on many occasions. We owe it to baseball to put our feelings to the side and take the Yankees for what they are, a talented baseball organization. In the coming seasons the Yankees will further prove that they are not purchasing their rings, they are working hard with a tight knit group of farm league stars to win baseball games.
Let’s get started, Yankeefan!
P1. First things first. Letters to the editor don’t address the author of the original article as yours appears to do. Remove the word “you” whether you mean the author or the editors. Your letter is a letter to the paper, not to people.
Before you begin your response, you should probably acknowledge that you understand the author was making a very big and very exaggerated joke of his own feelings. They spring from his real revulsion at America’s current politics—which is his real target—but we can’t take his analogy seriously when he refers to Yankee fans as gelatinous pre-mammalian tentacled oozing creatures that eat their young on the way home from games. So, first let the Editors know you’re in on the joke.
THEN, you can suggest that the author COULD HAVE USED BETTER EXAMPLES to prove his case than picking on Derek Jeter’s inadequate defense.
Then, be sure to make your case immediately and support it at your leisure. Use logical connectors and transitions to draw your readers’ attention to your claims and their consequences. Without suggesting that my revised version below is a perfect paragraph, I’d like to demonstrate how to make your claims early, obvious, and logical.
In your article you [correctly] claim that the Yankees [have benefited from the lack of an MLB] salary cap [to improve their competitiveness for] World Series titles. [If that were the whole story, your argument would be compelling.] [However,] the group known as the “Core Four”—Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, and Jorge Posada—[weren’t purchased]. [They] were recruited as young up-and-coming ball players, rose through the Yankees’ minor league system on their merits, and eventually made it to the big league team [just like many players for a team you DO admire, the St. Louis Cardinals].
See the difference?
Please respond to this feedback, YankeeFan. The most important skill you can demonstrate in this course is your participation in the “recursive” nature of the feedback/revision/feedback process. Let me know too if this is the sort of interaction you value now and going forward. And put your post back into the Feedback Please category after you’ve made significant revisions to your entire letter.
One last thing. Don’t make revisions to THIS POST. Leave it behind unchanged as evidence of where you started. Copy and paste it into a new post called LTE for Portfolio—Yankeefan. THEN make your revisions and put THAT post into Feedback Please.
Thank you for inviting me to interact. I enjoy the conversation.
Could I please have an in depth reaction to my Letter to the Editor? I wasn’t entirely sure i accomplished the task properly.
Can I have some feedback?