It’s Only Getting Worse — Obesity in America First Reading Website Title: Obesity in America: It’s Getting Worse Article Title: Clinical Diabetes Date Accessed: November 17, 2014 Jennifer B. Marks, the author, received her medical degree and completed a residency … Continue reading
First Reading
http://clinical.diabetesjournals.org/content/22/1/1.full
Website Title: Obesity in America: Its Getting Worse
Article Title: Clinical Diabetes
Date Accessed: November 17, 2014
By Jennifer B. Marks, she received her medical degree, and completed a residency in Internal Medicine and a fellowship in Endocrinology, Diabetes and Metabolism at the University of Miami School of Medicine. A lot of her efforts have been towards Diabetes and the prevention of it.
Jennifer has a very successful history, she received her MD, also earned a BS in Nursing from the University of Southern Maine. She was also a past president of the American Diabetes Association (ADA) South Coastal Region and is immediate past Editor-in Chief of Clinical Diabetes, an ADA publication.
Currently Dr. Marks is working on many projects; she is an Investigator in the NIH-funded multi-center “Diabetes TrialNet” — a consortium of researchers investigating interventions for the prevention or delay of type 1 diabetes. She also currently serves as President of the Miami-Dade Board of Directors of the ADA. With all of that she still has time to, serve on the editorial boards of numerous diabetes-related journals, is a reviewer for several general medical journals. One last success Dr.Marks has is that she has been an invited to speak at a variety of national and international meetings on diabetes and obesity.
Second Reading
http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2013/09/the-whys-of-rising-obesity/
Website Title: Harvardgazette. N.p., n.d. Web.Willett
Article Title: The Whys of Rising Obesity
Date Accessed: November 17, 2014
By Alvin Powell, he received his education at ALM, Harvard Extension School. Al Powell is senior science writer at the Harvard University Gazette, he writes about advances in science, medicine, and public health. Powell worked in daily journalism for more than a decade and also spent time as a freelance writer before going to Harvard. He is also an author and published a book in 2008.
Third Reading
http://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-conditions/healthy-living/obesity.html
Website Title: Stanford Health Care (SHC)
Article Title: Effects of Obesity
Date Accessed: November 16, 2014
By Stanford Health Care
Work Cited:
1. http://clinical.diabetesjournals.org/content/22/1/1.full
2. http://uhealthsystem.com/doctors/profile/1093
3. http://www.divinecaroline.com/self/wellness/why-has-obesity-rate-grown-america-over-last-fifty-years
4. http://stanfordhealthcarealliance.org/content/shca/en.html
5. http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2013/09/the-whys-of-rising-obesity/
6. http://www.extension.harvard.edu/about-us/faculty-directory/al-powell
The best suggestion I received Monday for a lesson plan was to pair students to provide each other feedback on your Throwdowns. To insure that everyone gets commentary, I’m going to pair you with a simple plan. Following is a list of every student who has posted a Throwdown worth reviewing.
kai
tiger
giantsfan
falooda
sparky
perry
velociraptor
mica
garwin
owllover
iglesias
ovechkin
dean
greentwinky
syntaxattack
domia abr wyrda
mandragon
eagles
bagofchips
jaime
bloo
At the beginning of the semester, I published a post titled “Grade Levels” to illustrate the sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle differences between writing samples that could be expected to earn different letter grades in a Composition course. Now that we’ve spent a semester together, you likely have a better idea how your writing ranks against your classmates’ work (and against that A-grade ideal). Here’s what I wrote in September:
I won’t always be able to tell you why your essays don’t quite achieve the grades you want. Even after you respond well to feedback and make your essay grammatically correct, provide good sources, and make reasonable arguments, you might still not earn the highest grade. Writing beautifully and persuasively is more than a matter of following rules, and you may simply require more practice or more skill than can be achieved in a single semester.
Nobody wants to be told: “You just don’t sound as if you know what you’re talking about,” or: “You spend so much time proving the obvious there’s no room left for new insight,” but that may be the truth of the matter, and it may be the unspoken reason your grade didn’t improve as much as you hoped.
Following are some writing samples I hope will illustrate obvious differences in writing quality. The differences are enough to be worth a letter grade. These are relative values, of course, not absolutes. Not every writing course requires exactly this level of accomplishment for an A grade. Neither would the worst example necessarily earn a D grade in this course. Still, the comparisons should be helpful.
It’s time to revisit those Grade Levels now that you’re getting closer to finalizing your work for presentation and grading. For that purpose, I’ve produced four versions of one essay. Discuss the relative values of the three essays in the Reply field below, and grade them A, B, C, or D. (Don’t just grade; discuss the relative values.) Also indicate whether you find this a useful exercise at this stage of the semester.
THE PATTERN
I didn’t change the order as I revised, so the original version is the green version at the top and the latest revision is the black version at the bottom. If I were assigning grades, therefore, and using all four, they’d be DCBA. Your sequence may differ, even after I explain what I thought I was improving on each new draft. This is, after all, a subjective process. But as much as anything else, I’m trying to give you a sense of how I grade quality, so my preferences are important to anyone interested in grades.
My notes about the improvements to each paragraph appear indented as block quotes.
VERSION 1
Throughout the nation’s history, contraception has been very influential in leading teenagers to believe that they are safe from pregnancy. Our media engulfs teens to so much sex, it’s not shocking they’re oversexed and are the world’s leaders in pregnancy. Schools focus on battling pregnancy with the promotion of partly successful contraceptive techniques, when instead they should be focusing on combating the promiscuity by recommending the only effective contraceptive: abstinence.
There are some long-term contraceptives which include the IUD and the pill. However, both of these have their flaws. Doctor Costello stated that “Younger teenagers, ‘who we know are at highest risk,’ often resist longer-acting methods because IUD insertion can be painful…” Another flaw for the IUD is that many pediatricians are not properly trained to help insert the IUD. The IUD causes an inflammatory reaction within the uterus and can backfire to a negative effect. The highest and most important factor in missing a birth control pill is pregnancy. Inconsistency in taking the birth control pill also causes irregular menstrual cycles. Neither one of these contraceptive methods protect against sexually transmitted diseases.
Abstinence/Celibacy is the most effective and safest form of contraception, and has no negative side effects. Some people might call you out as someone who doesn’t have sex, but there are a plethora of people who don’t have sex, whether it be because of religious callings or personal preferences. There are no defects in abstinence nor can it cause any damage to the body. It’s also free and causes no risk. Unlike a study on other forms of contraception such as the IUD and the pill, that were given out free, many people were still at risk and had more frequent sex with more partners. The best way to avoid pregnancies, STDs, complications of IUDs, and side effects of birth control pills is abstinence; refraining from any sexual activity.
VERSION 2
I wanted to make teenagers and our faith in schools the focus of the introduction, so I made teenagers the subject of my first sentence, and named our trust in schools early in the third sentence. The fact that schools betray our trust and let our teens get pregnant is the thesis.
Our teenagers have been told for years that contraception will keep them safe from pregnancy. At the same time, the media engulf all of us, teens included, in so much sex it’s not shocking they’re oversexed and lead the world in teen pregnancy. We trust our schools to battle teen pregnancy by promoting partly successful contraceptive techniques, but in truth, they should be combating promiscuity by recommending the only effective contraceptive: abstinence.
The second paragraph should clearly identify the two flawed methods schools promote, and why they’re flawed. The first sentence calls out the two. The flaws are that teens won’t get an IUD and they don’t use the pill responsibly. The paragraph also cites a source and links to it.
Two long-term contraceptives schools promote—IUDs and “the pill”—are both flawed. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” Insertion can be painful even when practitioners are properly trained, and the device can cause an inflammatory reaction within the uterus. As for the contraceptive pill, it’s only effective when taken responsibly. Inconsistent dosing can cause irregular menstrual cycles and, of course, permit pregnancy. Neither the IUD nor the pill protects against sexually transmitted diseases.
Abstinence deserves a paragraph of its own to balance the one devoted to the ineffective techniques. The paragraph identifies abstinence as flawless and names its benefits before it refutes a possible objection.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and of course prevents pregnancy. It may be difficult to be known as nonsexual, but it certainly doesn’t make a teen unique. They’ll find role models among their religious classmates and those who have made a personal pledge.
The call to action comes first, as the benefits of abstinence did in the paragraph above. Then, following the same pattern, the warning at the end does the job of refuting a possible objection. It also provides a conclusion that ends with a new idea instead of repeating a claim that’s already been made.
Instead of conducting another study on contraception, or worse! passing out free condoms to students, schools should be teaching abstinence. If they don’t, they’ll be perpetuating the message that other forms of contraception are acceptable; and as a result, we’ll condemn another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, medical complications, and accidental pregnancies.
VERSION 3
Instead of blaming the schools, this version steps back, adopts the blessed first person plural, and acknowledges that the entire culture sends the message to our vulnerable teens that they’re expected to have sex and can do so safely.
The only message it seems we are afraid to send to our children is that they can abstain from sex. Our media engulf our teens in so many sexual images, and tell them so many stories of teen sexuality, we shouldn’t be shocked that they lead the world in teen pregnancy. We’ve told them for years that contraception will keep them safe from unwanted surprises. Well, it’s a lie. We should be telling them the truth—at home, on TV, and in school—that the only truly effective contraceptive is abstinence.
The earlier conclusion hinted that schools were giving out contraceptives for free, but nothing was made of it. Certainly there can’t be a clearer endorsement of safe sex than providing the protection, so it deserves a paragraph.
Even the best contraceptives are only partly successful. The worst of them, condoms, have a high failure rate (the biggest failure being the failure to use them!). While they do cut down on the transmission of STDs, the use, misuse, or non-use of condoms is responsible for the majority of teen pregnancies.
Now that we have a paragraph for condoms, the reader will benefit from seeing the other two flawed contraceptives in paragraphs of their own. For the first time, this version makes clear that the flaw of the IUD is that teens refuse to get them.
IUDs are very effective at preventing pregnancy when teens can be convinced to install them, but they’re a tough sell. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” Insertion can be painful even when practitioners are properly trained, and the device can cause an inflammatory reaction within the uterus.
As for the contraceptive pill, it’s only effective when taken responsibly, not to be expected of teens. And when they’re not responsible, inconsistent dosing can cause irregular menstrual cycles and, of course, permit pregnancy. Not to mention neither the IUD nor the pill provide any protection against sexually-transmitted diseases.
The introduction indicated we’re all responsible to send the right message to our teens, so this version acknowledges they might need some help toughing out the hard choice to abstain against the peer pressure to have young sex.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and of course prevents pregnancy. If we care about them, we can help our teens find role models who are abstinent. Among their classmates they’re sure to know many who for religious reasons or because of their personal integrity have pledged to avoid the perils of regrettable promiscuity.
Schools don’t conduct studies, so this version drops that detail and emphasizes instead their real responsibility to educate about every option, not to assume that sex will occur, but to support the celibacy option as well.
Schools have a responsibility to promote all the options to our teenagers. When they elect instead to pass out free condoms to anyone who asks for them, they perpetuate the message that sexual activity is condoned, and that imperfect forms of contraception have the schools’ approval. With that approach, we’ll condemn another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, and accidental pregnancies.
VERSION 4
This version drops the claim that we’re afraid to tell our teens anything. It clarifies that in all three areas from which they receive information, they need to get one clear message: abstinence is the only way to avoid pregnancy.
The way we confuse our teens about sex is inexcusable. Our media engulf them in so many explicit images and stories about casual hook-ups, we shouldn’t be surprised that they think they’re supposed to be wantonly sexual (and that they lead the world in teen pregnancy). Meanwhile, schools tell teens that safe sex is appropriate, and that contraceptives will protect them from unwanted surprises. Well, it’s a lie. We should be telling them the truth—at home, on TV, and in school—that the only safe sex is NO sex, and that the only truly effective contraceptive is abstinence.
This one paragraph combines the fatal flaws of condoms with the criticism of schools for promoting their use.
When schools promote condom use—even passing them out free to anyone who expresses an interest!—they’re advocating the worst of the contraceptives on the market. Condoms have a high failure rate, even for responsible adults. But the biggest failure of condoms for teens is the failure to use them, and to use them right, and to use them every time. The misuse or non-use of condoms is responsible for the majority of teen pregnancies.
This paragraph recommends that if we can’t get the message 100% right, we should at least promote the device that provides foolproof protection against pregnancy. (The next version would drop or refute the objections about reluctance and complications of insertion.)
Schools would be wiser to promote IUDs for pregnancy prevention. When teens can be convinced to install them, intrauterine devices are the most effective contraceptives, but they’re a tough sell. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” They may also hear from those who use them that insertion can be painful and can cause uterine inflammation.
This paragraph continues the argument plan of undermining the effectiveness of any method other than abstinence. (The next version would move it up below the paragraph on condoms.)
Like condoms, the contraceptive pill is effective only when taken responsibly. When typically forgetful or casually non-compliant teens miss a dose, the contraceptive value is lost. Even when they’re not protected, teens on the pill believe they are, and unwanted pregnancy is the natural result.
The comments about STDs have been stray irrelevancies in the earlier versions. This version uses a paragraph to remind readers who might still favor contraception that we want to protect our teens from more than JUST pregnancy.
We’re primarily concerned about teen pregnancy on this page, but it must be said, neither the IUD nor the pill provide any protection against sexually-transmitted diseases. We find it reprehensible of our schools to advocate contraceptives that leave our children vulnerable to illnesses that can live in their bodies forever, scar and disfigure them, make them impotent, even kill them.
The “role model” argument is hard to sustain. This version struggles to offer support for a non-religious basis for choosing abstinence in the face of considerable pressure to be sexually active.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—doesn’t just prevent pregnancy. It also has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and is entirely free! Abstinence also builds character. If we care about them, we can help our teens find role models who are abstinent. They don’t have to be religious to reject promiscuity; a commitment to their own personal integrity is sufficiently admirable.
This paragraph is the clearest version yet of the author’s strenuous rejection of any support schools might offer for options that place our teens at risk. It drops the interim claim that schools should present abstinence as one of many options and finally reveals its real agenda, as it should.
Schools have a responsibility to promote only the best options to our teenagers. They would never consciously suggest unsafe sex to children, but when they promote condom use or forms of supposedly “safe” sex, they are in effect advocating unsafe practices. Unless we turn that message around, we’ll be condemning another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, and accidental pregnancies.
At the beginning of the semester, I published a post titled “Grade Levels” to illustrate the sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle differences between writing samples that could be expected to earn different letter grades in a Composition course. Now that we’ve spent a semester together, you likely have a better idea how your writing ranks against your classmates’ work (and against that A-grade ideal). Here’s what I wrote in September:
I won’t always be able to tell you why your essays don’t quite achieve the grades you want. Even after you respond well to feedback and make your essay grammatically correct, provide good sources, and make reasonable arguments, you might still not earn the highest grade. Writing beautifully and persuasively is more than a matter of following rules, and you may simply require more practice or more skill than can be achieved in a single semester.
Nobody wants to be told: “You just don’t sound as if you know what you’re talking about,” or: “You spend so much time proving the obvious there’s no room left for new insight,” but that may be the truth of the matter, and it may be the unspoken reason your grade didn’t improve as much as you hoped.
Following are some writing samples I hope will illustrate obvious differences in writing quality. The differences are enough to be worth a letter grade. These are relative values, of course, not absolutes. Not every writing course requires exactly this level of accomplishment for an A grade. Neither would the worst example necessarily earn a D grade in this course. Still, the comparisons should be helpful.
It’s time to revisit those Grade Levels now that you’re getting closer to finalizing your work for presentation and grading. For that purpose, I’ve produced four versions of one essay. Discuss the relative values of the three essays in the Reply field below, and grade them A, B, C, or D. (Don’t just grade; discuss the relative values.) Also indicate whether you find this a useful exercise at this stage of the semester.
THE PATTERN
I didn’t change the order as I revised, so the original version is the green version at the top and the latest revision is the black version at the bottom. If I were assigning grades, therefore, and using all four, they’d be DCBA. Your sequence may differ, even after I explain what I thought I was improving on each new draft. This is, after all, a subjective process. But as much as anything else, I’m trying to give you a sense of how I grade quality, so my preferences are important to anyone interested in grades.
My notes about the improvements to each paragraph appear in gray italics like these.
VERSION 1
Throughout the nation’s history, contraception has been very influential in leading teenagers to believe that they are safe from pregnancy. Our media engulfs teens to so much sex, it’s not shocking they’re oversexed and are the world’s leaders in pregnancy. Schools focus on battling pregnancy with the promotion of partly successful contraceptive techniques, when instead they should be focusing on combating the promiscuity by recommending the only effective contraceptive: abstinence.
There are some long-term contraceptives which include the IUD and the pill. However, both of these have their flaws. Doctor Costello stated that “Younger teenagers, ‘who we know are at highest risk,’ often resist longer-acting methods because IUD insertion can be painful…” Another flaw for the IUD is that many pediatricians are not properly trained to help insert the IUD. The IUD causes an inflammatory reaction within the uterus and can backfire to a negative effect. The highest and most important factor in missing a birth control pill is pregnancy. Inconsistency in taking the birth control pill also causes irregular menstrual cycles. Neither one of these contraceptive methods protect against sexually transmitted diseases.
Abstinence/Celibacy is the most effective and safest form of contraception, and has no negative side effects. Some people might call you out as someone who doesn’t have sex, but there are a plethora of people who don’t have sex, whether it be because of religious callings or personal preferences. There are no defects in abstinence nor can it cause any damage to the body. It’s also free and causes no risk. Unlike a study on other forms of contraception such as the IUD and the pill, that were given out free, many people were still at risk and had more frequent sex with more partners. The best way to avoid pregnancies, STDs, complications of IUDs, and side effects of birth control pills is abstinence; refraining from any sexual activity.
VERSION 2
I wanted to make teenagers and our faith in schools the focus of the introduction, so I made teenagers the subject of my first sentence, and named our trust in schools early in the third sentence. The fact that schools betray our trust and let our teens get pregnant is the thesis.
Our teenagers have been told for years that contraception will keep them safe from pregnancy. At the same time, the media engulf all of us, teens included, in so much sex it’s not shocking they’re oversexed and lead the world in teen pregnancy. We trust our schools to battle teen pregnancy by promoting partly successful contraceptive techniques, but in truth, they should be combating promiscuity by recommending the only effective contraceptive: abstinence.
The second paragraph should clearly identify the two flawed methods schools promote, and why they’re flawed. The first sentence calls out the two. The flaws are that teens won’t get an IUD and they don’t use the pill responsibly. The paragraph also cites a source and links to it.
Two long-term contraceptives schools promote—IUDs and “the pill”—are both flawed. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” Insertion can be painful even when practitioners are properly trained, and the device can cause an inflammatory reaction within the uterus. As for the contraceptive pill, it’s only effective when taken responsibly. Inconsistent dosing can cause irregular menstrual cycles and, of course, permit pregnancy. Neither the IUD nor the pill protects against sexually transmitted diseases.
Abstinence deserves a paragraph of its own to balance the one devoted to the ineffective techniques. The paragraph identifies abstinence as flawless and names its benefits before it refutes a possible objection.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and of course prevents pregnancy. It may be difficult to be known as nonsexual, but it certainly doesn’t make a teen unique. They’ll find role models among their religious classmates and those who have made a personal pledge.
The call to action comes first, as the benefits of abstinence did in the paragraph above. Then, following the same pattern, the warning at the end does the job of refuting a possible objection. It also provides a conclusion that ends with a new idea instead of repeating a claim that’s already been made.
Instead of conducting another study on contraception, or worse! passing out free condoms to students, schools should be teaching abstinence. If they don’t, they’ll be perpetuating the message that other forms of contraception are acceptable; and as a result, we’ll condemn another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, medical complications, and accidental pregnancies.
VERSION 3
Instead of blaming the schools, this version steps back, adopts the blessed first person plural, and acknowledges that the entire culture sends the message to our vulnerable teens that they’re expected to have sex and can do so safely.
The only message it seems we are afraid to send to our children is that they can abstain from sex. Our media engulf our teens in so many sexual images, and tell them so many stories of teen sexuality, we shouldn’t be shocked that they lead the world in teen pregnancy. We’ve told them for years that contraception will keep them safe from unwanted surprises. Well, it’s a lie. We should be telling them the truth—at home, on TV, and in school—that the only truly effective contraceptive is abstinence.
The earlier conclusion hinted that schools were giving out contraceptives for free, but nothing was made of it. Certainly there can’t be a clearer endorsement of safe sex than providing the protection, so it deserves a paragraph.
Even the best contraceptives are only partly successful. The worst of them, condoms, have a high failure rate (the biggest failure being the failure to use them!). While they do cut down on the transmission of STDs, the use, misuse, or non-use of condoms is responsible for the majority of teen pregnancies.
Now that we have a paragraph for condoms, the reader will benefit from seeing the other two flawed contraceptives in paragraphs of their own. For the first time, this version makes clear that the flaw of the IUD is that teens refuse to get them.
IUDs are very effective at preventing pregnancy when teens can be convinced to install them, but they’re a tough sell. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” Insertion can be painful even when practitioners are properly trained, and the device can cause an inflammatory reaction within the uterus.
As for the contraceptive pill, it’s only effective when taken responsibly, not to be expected of teens. And when they’re not responsible, inconsistent dosing can cause irregular menstrual cycles and, of course, permit pregnancy. Not to mention neither the IUD nor the pill provide any protection against sexually-transmitted diseases.
The introduction indicated we’re all responsible to send the right message to our teens, so this version acknowledges they might need some help toughing out the hard choice to abstain against the peer pressure to have young sex.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and of course prevents pregnancy. If we care about them, we can help our teens find role models who are abstinent. Among their classmates they’re sure to know many who for religious reasons or because of their personal integrity have pledged to avoid the perils of regrettable promiscuity.
Schools don’t conduct studies, so this version drops that detail and emphasizes instead their real responsibility to educate about every option, not to assume that sex will occur, but to support the celibacy option as well.
Schools have a responsibility to promote all the options to our teenagers. When they elect instead to pass out free condoms to anyone who asks for them, they perpetuate the message that sexual activity is condoned, and that imperfect forms of contraception have the schools’ approval. With that approach, we’ll condemn another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, and accidental pregnancies.
VERSION 4
This version drops the claim that we’re afraid to tell our teens anything. It clarifies that in all three areas from which they receive information, they need to get one clear message: abstinence is the only way to avoid pregnancy.
The way we confuse our teens about sex is inexcusable. Our media engulf them in so many explicit images and stories about casual hook-ups, we shouldn’t be surprised that they think they’re supposed to be wantonly sexual (and that they lead the world in teen pregnancy). Meanwhile, schools tell teens that safe sex is appropriate, and that contraceptives will protect them from unwanted surprises. Well, it’s a lie. We should be telling them the truth—at home, on TV, and in school—that the only safe sex is NO sex, and that the only truly effective contraceptive is abstinence.
This one paragraph combines the fatal flaws of condoms with the criticism of schools for promoting their use.
When schools promote condom use—even passing them out free to anyone who expresses an interest!—they’re advocating the worst of the contraceptives on the market. Condoms have a high failure rate, even for responsible adults. But the biggest failure of condoms for teens is the failure to use them, and to use them right, and to use them every time. The misuse or non-use of condoms is responsible for the majority of teen pregnancies.
This paragraph recommends that if we can’t get the message 100% right, we should at least promote the device that provides foolproof protection against pregnancy. (The next version would drop or refute the objections about reluctance and complications of insertion.)
Schools would be wiser to promote IUDs for pregnancy prevention. When teens can be convinced to install them, intrauterine devices are the most effective contraceptives, but they’re a tough sell. Boston pediatrician Eileen Costello reports that younger teenagers, “who we know are at highest risk,” resist the IUD because “they’re freaked out by the idea of an implanted device in their body.” They may also hear from those who use them that insertion can be painful and can cause uterine inflammation.
This paragraph continues the argument plan of undermining the effectiveness of any method other than abstinence. (The next version would move it up below the paragraph on condoms.)
Like condoms, the contraceptive pill is only effective when taken responsibly. When typically forgetful or casually non-compliant teens miss a dose, the contraceptive value is lost. Even when they’re not protected, teens on the pill believe they are, and unwanted pregnancy is the natural result.
The comments about STDs have been stray irrelevancies in the earlier versions. This version uses a paragraph to remind readers who might still favor contraception that we want to protect our teens from more than JUST pregnancy.
We’re primarily concerned about teen pregnancy on this page, but it must be said, neither the IUD nor the pill provide any protection against sexually-transmitted diseases. We find it reprehensible of our schools to advocate contraceptives that leave our children vulnerable to illnesses that can live in their bodies forever, scar and disfigure them, make them impotent, even kill them.
The “role model” argument is hard to sustain. This version struggles to offer support for a non-religious basis for choosing abstinence in the face of considerable pressure to be sexually active.
The most effective and safest form of contraception—abstinence from sex—doesn’t just prevent pregnancy. It also has no side effects, keeps teens safe from STDs, and is entirely free! Abstinence also builds character. If we care about them, we can help our teens find role models who are abstinent. They don’t have to be religious to reject promiscuity; a commitment to their own personal integrity is sufficiently admirable.
This paragraph is the clearest version yet of the author’s strenuous rejection of any support schools might offer for options that place our teens at risk. It drops the interim claim that schools should present abstinence as one of many options and finally reveals its real agenda, as it should.
Schools have a responsibility to promote only the best options to our teenagers. They would never consciously suggest unsafe sex to children, but when they promote condom use or forms of supposedly “safe” sex, they are in effect advocating unsafe practices. Unless we turn that message around, we’ll be condemning another generation of teens to multiple sex partners, diseases, and accidental pregnancies.
Your classmate Domia abr Wyrda has written a charming tale of demonic possession at the hands of the wicked Amazon corporation, which tempts book lovers (with convenience and deep discounts) to deprive hard-working authors of the profits they would otherwise receive if Amazon treated them fairly.
DaW asked me for help planting offhand or subliminal hints in the body of the essay to remind readers periodically that they were reading not just about the benefits of ebooks, but also about a pact with the devil.
I offer you this model with material in green to highlight the many places the author could reinforce one of the essay’s important themes.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I first heard about the Hatchet-Amazon publishing wars while watching The Colbert Report. It was at the height of my obsession with Stephen Colbert, so I innocently believed every word he said, and boycotted Amazon. I barely recall his objection. Was it about corporate giants trying to economically strangle each other? Or was Colbert pissed that, as a Hatchet author, he was losing sales because Amazon refused to ship his books on time? I wonder now who he was really working for. Whatever the reason, I bought nothing from Amazon and convinced my family to boycott it as well.
Then, eight hours after my high school graduation, in the Ocean County College gym, I took a detour off the path that led to nourishment from physical books.When auctioneer for the silent auction called my name I became an e-reader though I didn’t know it yet. I had won an Amazon Kindle.
I was torn between excitement and rage. For years, I had wanted an e-reader, but not a Kindle, as I had recently been convinced to hate Amazon. How could the gods to this to me, giving me what I wanted, but from a company I had decided to despise? At least it wasn’t the iPad mini. No matter how much I was pretending to hat] Amazon, I genuinely hated Apple even more. That I had won it kept me from throwing the Kindle away, but it sat on my desk unopened for months only so I could ignore it. Then, came the summer solstice. It was on that day my life change forever. I finally opened the box.
One day my excitable but trustworthy friend Josh got me interested in the seventh chapter of The Iron Druid Chronicles, available in paperback from Barnes and Noble. I loved the smell of books and coffee in that store, but it’s a good fifteen minutes away without traffic. I wished there was a way to own the book without risking another fender bender. And there I saw the answer on my desk, covered in dust and deliberate disuse, my Kindle.
It… was… amazing. It was so easy to use. I turned the thing on, selected a language, rejected its advice to default to some demon tongue, imputed the time zone, struggled to connect it to WiFi, turned down its offer to be a co-signer on my checking account, and then logged onto the Amazon account I was permitted to create once I agreed to receive sales offers from its affiliates. Instantly, I received an email: thirty free days of Amazon Prime, with free two day shipping: and I said “So what?” Then, another email, 500 free Amazon Store coins! That was more like it. I bought Plague Inc., my favorite mobile game, though I already had owned it on the iPhone. Immediately I was offered an entire catalog of similar games on an installment plan. But that day I resisted, put the Kindle down, and went back to playing SKYRIM.
Two days later, I was back. My hands trembling with hesitation, I powered on the device. I searched for the first book in the Iron Druid Chronicles. It was there, at 62% off the paperback price! With two bonus short stories! I bought it in an instant and felt immediate shame. Within a fortnight, I had bought and read devoured all seven books. The first one tasted like ashes.
Now, I am a man addicted. Without my Kindle, I feel incomplete. I crave the Amazon Fire Phone I once scoffed at. To feed my habit, I spend at least $47.63 a month on ebooks from Amazon. They taste just fine.
I no longer care that Amazon cheapens authors or squeezes publishers. All I need in the world is the next book, the next great deal, and getting the latest fix.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
This technique works especially well in light articles where persistent thematic echoes can be humorous and welcome, but the lesson here is that most paragraphs offer several opportunities to reinforce the persuasive elements of our arguments with subtle reminders.
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Newspaperlessness 