No Vape Please
To the editor:
In Michael R. Bloomberg and Matt Myers September 10th, 2019 article, “Ban Flavored E-Cigarettes to Protect Our Children“, Bloomberg and Myers start off with the flavors of e-cigarette vape that attract and target kids. They mention with that how a recent announcement from the Federal Health Officials states that there were multiple deaths and severe cases of lung disease which many of these people are teenagers. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention believe people especially teenagers should completely stop using vape devices as considering the harm it could potentially bring on to users.
E-cigarettes were originally made to help people addicted to cigarettes quit, but now it is just attracting teenagers with the variety of sweet flavors companies sell. I understand the original idea companies had to help heavy users quit, but now it is back lashing leading kids who start vaping more likely to use real cigarettes. It is a harmful and addictive substance which should not be promoted any longer.
Being a teenager growing up with e-cigarettes I can say that companies who sell these products most definitely target us with there sweet flavors and get us addicted, so addicted that teenagers in high school have to go to the bathroom just to use there e-cigarette. With this being said, I completely agree with Bloomberg and Myers in the fact that we need to continue the fight to ban e-cigarettes in as many places as we can in order to stop people from using them. People do not know how harmful vaping can be, which is why it is necessary to spread the word with urgency like Bloomberg and Myers are saying. E-cigarettes need to be put to an end before they start ending more peoples lives.
Hey, CompClass! I appreciate your request. What you’re hoping for is pretty uncertain, but I’ll do my best to offer helpful advice. If possible, I’ll respond first with general structural advice that will result in big changes and improvements. The closer we get to a perfect letter, the smaller and more precise I’ll be in my reactions.
At least that’s the plan.
There are letters, articles, opinion pieces, and editorials, CC. This is an opinion piece. It makes a specific suggestion, obvious from its title, and appears in the Opinion section.
We should get a sense in the first paragraph of YOUR position, CC. If Bloomberg and Myers “start off with” flavors that attract kids, then “mention” that deaths result, we have no idea whether they are presenting those observations as claims, as warnings, as conclusions, or as errors that need correcting. Worse, we have no idea whether you are citing Bloomberg and Myers as supporters or opponents of your own point of view. The CDC, apparently, suggests abstinence for teens, but what’s your take?
I’m a little surprised to hear you say that e-cigarettes were originally benign. Do you disagree with Bloomberg and Myers’ apparent assertion that the manufacturers and marketers intended to hook young people on tobacco from the start? A truly diabolical view of the new products would be that their makers wanted to KEEP their current customers by switching them to a different nicotine delivery device while at the same time ADDICTING a whole new generation that wasn’t hooked in the first place. Unclear is your assertion that “IT” is a harmful and addictive substance. You might mean nicotine. But nicotine hasn’t been killing kids this season. Something has, but nobody’s sure which ingredient(s) to blame.
If you agree with Bloomberg and Myers, you’re obligated to find a new angle to distinguish your own point of view; otherwise, odds are very short that you’ll be published. B&M are engaged in launching a $160 million campaign to curb use and press legislators to act. They seem to have pre-empted your demand that somebody do something.
—Would you favor an overall ban of all nicotine e-cigs until they’re proved non-lethal?
—Would you favor outlawing the sale of nicotine e-cigs to minors but permitting their sale to adults who truly want a tobacco substitute?
—Can you find a way to distinguish your position from B&M’s already well-written point of view?
This is basic structural support, CC. You may begin to revise immediately, or communicate with me instead if you need further instruction and advice.
Either way, please respond to this feedback so I know what if anything you value about it, or how I can better help you. And if you do decide to start revising, DON’T EDIT THIS POST. Instead, copy the text into a new post called LTE for Portfolio—CompClass and make your improvements there so as to create two clearly different versions.
And thank you for the opportunity to help you here. I really enjoy the interaction.
I was wondering if you could give me an in-depth reaction to my LTE draft. I feel as if I have a good start but I would like to better my draft with advice that you could possibly give me. Thanks!
Fix your categories and your “slug,” compclass8.
Your post should be identified as LTE Draft—compclass8.
It belongs in the LTE Draft category and the category for your username: compclass8.