LTE Draft – Lelebxby

[Insert Title Here]

To the editor:

In Young Jean Lee’s February 9th, 2019 article “I’m Asian-American. Affirmative Action Worked for Me“, Lee opens up about her struggle’s of racism and prejudices in her youth. How, without affirmative action on her side, Lee’s successes as a screenwriter and the countless doors opened for her would have never been within her reach. Though affirmative action worked in Young Jean Lee’s favor, it is not and should not be treated as the best solution for diversity in schools and the work force.

Affirmative action policies started as long ago as Brown vs. Ed and as recent as the Texas University scandals in 2015. These policies work towards setting up diverse communities in the educational and work force, to make up for historical exclusions in the United States past. As a Hispanic, queen woman I know what it’s like to be excluded just based on the color of my skin, loving who I want to love, and simply not being a man. However, instead of letting the world keep me down, I tried my hardest in school and graduated high school with a 3.9 GPA with A’s and B’s. I earned my spot into highly acclaimed art schools and Rowan University not because I was different but because I worked hard to fight for my dreams. By allowing affirmative action, it’s basically allowing reverse racism and prevents actual qualified students and workers from these opportunities Lee talked so highly of. Instead of college admissions and bosses using affirmative action as a scape goat to not be racist, maybe, as shockingly as it may sound, they should just not be racist in the first place.

The goal for universities and jobs shouldn’t be accepting and hiring these unqualified individuals for the sake of diversity, but rather reaching out and helping those in these struggling areas. There are hundreds upon thousands of students and unemployed individuals under the poverty line, most being minorities. Because of this, these people are missing out on the proper resources, facilities and environments to thrive and excel. We should be donating and raising money and awareness to these areas to help these students reach their utmost potential.

In order for society to reach true equality and diversity, we must do what we can to help those in need. If we want our future generations to have a future that allows access to these opportunities and successes, regardless of their race or gender, we need to act now.

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80 Responses to LTE Draft – Lelebxby

  1. ajuuy7 says:

    My general reaction to this letter is that she portrayed all ten components. She wrote a great response to the article and she will continue to become a better writer with the feedback of the class. A bit of feedback that helped me is your amount of questions. It makes me think about how much pointless arguments I bring up in an essay and how everything needs to relate to one another and make sense. I think the amount of feedback is great and will be eye opening for the author of the letter. The feedback was well written and I couldn’t find anything to disagree with.

    Like

  2. lucbe219 says:

    The correct format of her letter is a helpful example for other students to guide them through correcting theirs. In addition, her letter seemed very meaningful and important to her which made her readers think strongly about her writing.

    Like

  3. ahntkd99 says:

    His feedback is really useful and helpful. He uses specific examples and explanations. So, we can understand easily and can write second draft better than first draft.

    Like

  4. Professors feedback on Lele’s letter to the editor was delightfully helpful in the fact that he gave everyone else in the class an opportunity to read his comments before any other posts were really made which could help during the writing of your own LTE. Prof gave more then just a helpful analysis, he gave grammar and punctuation feedback which is a huge issue with people our age. Knowing what good writing may look like you can understand new possible styles to insert into your own argument. This feedback overall is extremely helpful for all of us, I guarantee and I want to thank Prof for being great at staying involved with the class.

    Like

  5. lg102015 says:

    After reading lelebxby article and the feedback that she received. I can say that I couldn’t agree more with it. The feedback picks apart her writing in a good way and allows her to see exactly what she can do to make her writing better. I love the fact that you didn’t just tell her what was wrong with her article, but you also told her what you agreed with. Which helps her know that her writing as of right now is definitely a high B or A and I know will continue to improve over the next 15 weeks.

    Like

  6. Anonymous says:

    In this LTE I think the writer did a very good job explaining the background of the piece and giving enough information to then make a clear statement/opinion. Being able to read someone else LTE is helpful while in the process of writing out first LTE because it gives clear examples of what we should and shouldn’t do.

    Like

    • davidbdale says:

      This is a problem you need to solve, Anonymous. I don’t know why you don’t have a username yet, but you get no credit for attending classes or posting work if it’s not attributed to your username. Text or email me before class on WED SEP 12, please.

      Like

  7. hershey515 says:

    The feedback Prof. was giving out was very specific which I like. You are able to recognize what changes should be made. I hope to be able to get feedback like this on my own essay because I know it’ll be beneficial. In the part where Professor gives feedback concerning grammar and punctuation is very effective because that is something many of us don’t catch when we’re writing and he was able to recognize them to make the essay even better. Lastly, I totally agree with all the feedback given because there is always room for change to make yourself a better writer.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    I like the way the letter started by addressing the other article and giving background on that and yourself, however later in the letter I didn’t really see a clear way to solve this problem and what could be done in the future. The letter had a clear message about the main point in the beginning and the writer did a great job on continuing the flow of the writing piece.

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    • davidbdale says:

      This is a problem you need to solve, Anonymous. I don’t know why you don’t have a username yet, but you get no credit for attending classes or posting work if it’s not attributed to your username. Text or email me before class on WED SEP 12, please.

      Like

  9. davidbdale says:

    Lelebxby, I hope you found that helpful and encouraging. I meant it to be a demonstration of how seriously I will take your work. Your draft is a very fine first draft, and I’m delighted that you gave me the chance to review it here in detail before the deadline. I’d appreciate your response.

    Like

  10. davidbdale says:

    Now for argument.

    1. Lee opens up about her struggle’s of racism and prejudices in her youth.
    —Unclear. Could be read to mean that she was a young racist.

    2. How, without affirmative action on her side, Lee’s successes as a screenwriter and the countless doors opened for her would have never been within her reach.
    —Unclear. Blurs the point that AA got her into the college of her choice. Could be read to mean that AA got her a screenwriting job.

    3. Though affirmative action worked in Young Jean Lee’s favor, it is not and should not be treated as the best solution for diversity in schools and the work force.
    —Unclear. May or may not mean that you, the author of the new Letter, consider AA to be AMONG THE GOOD CHOICES to achieve diversity. And is also unclear about whether you, the author, consider diversity to be an admirable goal worthy of OVERT ACTION to accomplish.

    4. Affirmative action policies started as long ago as Brown vs. Ed and as recent as the Texas University scandals in 2015.
    —Relevance? Did AA begin with a worthy goal? One that you, the new letter writer endorses? Are these events parallel? One is a court case. The other is also a court case? No. Connection?

    5. These policies work towards setting up diverse communities in the educational and work force, to make up for historical exclusions in the United States past.
    —Clearer but still open. Sounds as if you value diversity, decry the exclusions. But sentences 4 and 5 lack the bold declarations that would bolster our understanding of your position. You’ve declared AA to be “not the best” solution. Could you begin now to hint at what might be better?

    6. As a Hispanic, queen woman I know what it’s like to be excluded just based on the color of my skin, loving who I want to love, and simply not being a man.
    —Good credentialing, but we’re “on hiatus” here, wondering where you’re going. Readers need confirmation that your letter will be worth their time.

    7. However, instead of letting the world keep me down, I tried my hardest in school and graduated high school with a 3.9 GPA with A’s and B’s.
    —Relevance? Unless we read the original article, we have no idea how Lee’s grades compared with yours. So . . . are you trying to point out a similarity here, or a difference?

    8. I earned my spot into highly acclaimed art schools and Rowan University not because I was different but because I worked hard to fight for my dreams.
    —As your professor and your staunch advocate, I do not doubt your declaration here, but you would have to understand a reader’s skepticism if she were to ask, “Says who? How do you know you didn’t benefit from AA without being told?”

    9. By allowing affirmative action, it’s basically allowing reverse racism and prevents actual qualified students and workers from these opportunities Lee talked so highly of.
    —Lacks precision. First it blurs the meaning of “qualified.” Second, it draws an unsupported conclusion. Both your assertions may be correct, but you leave yourself open to refutation. Was Lee “unqualified” to attend Berkeley, or did her grades fail to reflect her actual qualifications? Her college performance seems to indicate she was well qualified by unproven. As for who gets deprived, it’s hard to say how. Again, you may be completely correct, but after the first 1000 or so applicants are approved, is there a bright line of distinction to help admissions officials decide among the other thousands with virtually identical academic records?

    10. Instead of college admissions and bosses using affirmative action as a scape goat to not be racist, maybe, as shockingly as it may sound, they should just not be racist in the first place.
    —Terminology problem. Hard to tell from your use of “scapegoat” whether you mean admissions personnel BLAME affirmative action for the selections they are compelled to make, or whether you mean they want to make racially-diverse selections and use AA as an excuse to do so.

    11. The goal for universities and jobs shouldn’t be accepting and hiring these unqualified individuals for the sake of diversity, but rather reaching out and helping those in these struggling areas.
    —Vague premise. Once we get past the question of who’s qualified, your assertion that colleges should solve the problem of academic under-performance (or under-evaluation of potential) is a hard prescription to follow. What power do colleges have to improve the early lives and academic careers of underprivileged youth?

    12. There are hundreds upon thousands of students and unemployed individuals under the poverty line, most being minorities. Because of this, these people are missing out on the proper resources, facilities and environments to thrive and excel.
    —Well-identified problem still seeking a remedy. And the kicker is: if the truly deserving youth who has been handcuffed by underprivilege is FURTHER denied a chance to prove her ability by a college admissions process that focuses only on her high school test scores, isn’t that strike three?

    13. We should be donating and raising money and awareness to these areas to help these students reach their utmost potential.
    —No doubt. So, is AA wrong? Or is it a remedy that was devised to balance some inequalities in assessment WHILE underlying social inequalities were being corrected? Maybe the point you were making about the nearly 70-year history of AA is that we shouldn’t need it anymore. By now, every college applicant should have had an equal shot from birth of preparing for college admission. Asking to help you clarify your own position on this thorny question.

    14. In order for society to reach true equality and diversity, we must do what we can to help those in need. If we want our future generations to have a future that allows access to these opportunities and successes, regardless of their race or gender, we need to act now.
    —Couldn’t agree more. Why has that not happening in the 70 years since the inequalities were identified as something to be addressed? And what can colleges do to remedy a situation that presents itself to them as a fat stack of applications?

    Like

    • lazybear8 says:

      In general most of your criticism of her writing is understandable and clear. There are some holes in her argument or just pieces of evidence that are not flourished out completely.

      Like

      • Though the grading and reactions were very blunt and to the point, it did a great job of pointing out issues. She has a decent amount of room for improvement which is definitely good for her future grade in this class.

        Like

      • bestbaker123 says:

        The feedback given shows how readers would dissect the argument of the author. It is very effective and proves that the case is passionate but it does leave a lot to interpretation. There are unanswered questions that could make the case fall apart.

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    • Anonymous says:

      I found this feedback to not only be helpful, but also encouraging. You pointed out what you believed could be made better, and showed the author how to change it to make it better. The most helpful aspect of this feedback, in my opinion, was the way you used questions while pointing out what could be fixed. Because of this, it is easier to see the error, and the question sparks thought processes of how to amend it.

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      • davidbdale says:

        This is a problem you need to solve, Anonymous. I don’t know why you don’t have a username yet, but you get no credit for attending classes or posting work if it’s not attributed to your username. Text or email me before class on WED SEP 12, please.

        Like

    • The feedback given was very clear, understanding, and very effective.

      Like

    • smellycat23 says:

      For point number 4, about Brown vs Ed being relevant, I was thinking the same thing so that feedback is very useful. In point number 6, I thought her credentials were good but you said the readers need confirmation which I learned from your feedback.

      Like

    • athenapup4 says:

      The feedback was again very clear and understanding. You can tell a lot of time and effort was put into the feedback which is very helpful for the student. Of course it is clear that the student has room for improvement considering it is the first writing assignment given.

      Like

    • kraemercali says:

      I like how he finds the gaps in her argument because this will greatly improve her writing and prevent another reader from doing the same. I appreciate the honestly in his revisions because its presented more as a necessity rather than a suggestion which I believe will greatly help everyone in their writing.

      Like

    • The feedback given is concise, clear, and helpful. There were some errors and holes, however the feedback helps bring all of the points together.

      Like

    • roses0102 says:

      This feedback is very helpful and a lot of feedback. My other teachers never took that much dedication to write feedback on my paper, and i’m exited to hear back from Mister Hodges. A part of this feedback that I found particularly helpful was the point he states about relevance. Sometimes in my writing i go off topic so to be reminded to keep it relevant and relatable is helpful.

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    • mpsj13 says:

      I find the in depth assessment of her argument seen here to be very encouraging and helpful in solidifying an argument. I find the instances where clarity comes into question to be particularly helpful. I find the line, “As a Hispanic, queen woman I know what it’s like to be excluded just based on the color of my skin, loving who I want to love, and simply not being a man” to actually be a draw in rather than making me question if the letter is worth my time. I feel that it gives the reader a reason to want to support the author.

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    • Valcom says:

      Overall the feedback given would e very helpful and is all clear especially with the grammar in the piece which was brought up in point 3. The feedback that I was able to take the most from was point number 6, I personally thought that this might be good credentials but under stand how something like that is not perfect.

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    • tenere84 says:

      Needless to say your criticism is definitely clear and effectively written. To see such massive amounts of arguments against a good essay such as hers definitely makes me afraid of how you’ll critique mine, haha.

      Like

    • I believe this feedback is exactly what we students need to make our writing better, with thorough analysis and constructive criticism of our work we are able to make necesary adjustments and hopefully improve our writing overall. The questions you ask after each point prompt Lele to ponder the thinking behind her writing and give it more support.

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    • I appreciate the professors criticism of this piece of writing. lele here provided an unclear argument and claim of what she was trying to disprove from this article. lele states her argument in the end of her essay, which throws off the reader and is not entirely worth reading since it does not catch the readers attention immediately. By the time the reader sees the opinion or the point of the argument, the essay is already finished and the reader is disappointed. lele talks about herself more in her essay, putting, more emphasis into her credentials than her argument.

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    • voxpopuli075 says:

      I found the feedback here not as helpful as the grammar feedback section but still useful nonetheless. The feedback helps strengthen the author’s arguments. I agree with the first point of feedback the most and there isn’t a point I disagree with.

      Like

    • Morra2024 says:

      Just like the professor’s comment about correcting grammar and punctuation, I found this reply to the LTE to be beneficial. Now I at least have some kind of idea as to how I ought to double-check my arguments and their explanations, in order to make sure that they are sound and logically consistent.

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    • Anonymous says:

      All of the criticism is constructive, positive, but also for good reason. Every piece of criticism is followed by a way to better the issue. The responses were very encouraging as well! You balanced criticism with praise and that allowed the author to see her mistakes and amend them but also feel a sense of pride in what she wrote.

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      • davidbdale says:

        This is a problem you need to solve, Anonymous. I don’t know why you don’t have a username yet, but you get no credit for attending classes or posting work if it’s not attributed to your username. Text or email me before class on WED SEP 12, please.

        Like

  11. davidbdale says:

    A few words about grammar and punctuation.

    For the most part, your syntax is good, lele. I don’t like to make grammar corrections to the first draft because, once the sentences are corrected, they start to feel perfect and “approved,” which gets in the way of later revisions. But with that caution expressed, here are some corrections you should consider.

    1. “I’m Asian-American. Affirmative Action Worked for Me“, Lee opens up
    —Periods and Commas ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS go inside the quotation marks.
    —CORRECTION: “I’m Asian-American. Affirmative Action Worked for Me,” Lee opens up

    2. about her struggle’s of racism and prejudices in her youth.
    —Struggles is not possessive, just plural, so no apostrophe.
    —CORRECTION: about her struggles of racism and prejudices in her youth.

    3. How, without affirmative action on her side, Lee’s successes as a screenwriter and the countless doors opened for her would have never been within her reach.
    —This is a fragment. You might get away with one or two after you’ve demonstrated your fluency, but I have to point it out to you now to be sure you know it’s a fragment and that you wrote it deliberately.
    —CORRECTION: Lee explains that, without affirmative action on her side, her successes as a screenwriter and the countless doors [that] opened for her would [never have] been within her reach.

    4. Affirmative action policies started as long ago as Brown vs. Ed and as recent as the Texas University scandals in 2015.
    —Not parallel. The policies “started” long ago, but they didn’t “start” as recently as 2015.
    —CORRECTION: Affirmative action policies started as long ago as Brown vs. Ed; more recent examples include the Texas University scandals in 2015.

    5. to make up for historical exclusions in the United States past.
    —The past in this case is the past of the United States (the past that belongs to the US) so it needs a possessive construction.
    —CORRECTION: to make up for historical exclusions in the United States’ past.

    6. As a Hispanic, queen woman
    —Typo? (This may be a social faux pas on my part, but I think you mean queer.)
    —CORRECTION: As a Hispanic, queer woman

    7. By allowing affirmative action, it’s basically allowing reverse racism
    —Double Subject. In this sentence “it” is “affirmative action.” Eliminate one of the two subjects.
    —CORRECTION: Affirmative Action basically allows reverse racism

    8. Instead of college admissions and bosses using affirmative action as a scape goat to not be racist, maybe, as shockingly as it may sound, they should just not be racist in the first place.
    —Double Subject. In this sentence “they” is bosses. Eliminate one subject.
    —CORRECTION: Instead of using affirmative action as a scapegoat to not be racist, maybe, as shockingly as it may sound, college admissions administrators and bosses should just not be racist in the first place.

    It’s likely these sentences won’t survive several revised drafts, so I’m mentioning them now while they’re in front of us.

    Like

    • lazybear8 says:

      This piece of feedback is definitely the most effective for me. This is because no matter how many times I look over my work there always seems to be errors in grammar.

      Like

      • bestbaker123 says:

        The feedback is very effective because the corrections make the writing flow better and strengthens the argument. Grammar is key when writing something persuasive because you don’t want to sound like you threw words together and hoped for the best.

        Like

    • The grammar corrections here are beneficial to the finished copy of this essay, however, I feel it may have been pushed aside for now. Getting formatting done and figuring out the basics of writing a letter to the editor should come first, and the minor details such as grammar and punctuation, should come last.

      Like

    • smellycat23 says:

      This feedback is very extensive and helpful because grammar is extremely important in all writing. I think point number three is very important because writing using fragments is sometimes not deliberate but in her case it was and it did not flow.

      Like

    • Morra2024 says:

      While all of the points made by the professor have merit, I find that the two most personally beneficial corrections to this LTE are about eliminating one of two subjects, as well as the including fragments in one’s work.

      Like

    • influenza123 says:

      Yet again, I am impressed by the thoroughness and descriptiveness of the feedback provided. Like the previous feedback, it breaks down every aspect/thing that requires improvement. I like how the grammatical errors are not only pointed out and corrected but thee reasoning behind thee correction is also elaborated upon. This type of feedback encourages the prevention of such mistakes in the future. There is not anything that stands out in this feedback that I would disagree with.

      Like

    • athenapup4 says:

      General Reaction:
      There’s a lot of revision in this section however, it is all extremely helpful.
      Helpful feedback:
      I can clearly see the sections in which you’re targeting. You explain what was done wrong or poorly and then give an example on how this person could correct it. Instead like most teachers or professors they just say what was done wrong but don’t tell you what HOW you could improve your work.
      Disagree with:
      None.

      Like

    • kraemercali says:

      he uses specific examples from her writing and attempted to correct them, most having to do with wording. But he hits a little bit of grammar corrections as well which greatly will improve her writing

      Like

    • roses0102 says:

      This section of feedback is particularly helpful to me because I often mess up on grammar. By giving these certain errors in feedback, there is lots of room for improvement in the other drafts to follow. The most helpful was to include fragments and also where to place punctuation in quotation marks.

      Like

    • bmdpiano says:

      I like how an example of the mistake is given and explained further so that it can be corrected for the future. I also like how the correction is given as well to show what the sentence should sound or look like based off of correct grammar.

      Like

    • voxpopuli075 says:

      This grammar feedback is useful because I commonly make similar mistakes in my own writing. I will make sure to look over my own LTE draft to ensure it is free of the grammar and punctuation errors highlighted here. A specific piece of advice that I found helpful was the first feedback point which dealt with where to put punctuation inside quotes. There was no feedback here that I disagreed with.

      Like

    • Jayv23 says:

      This piece of feedback given to Lele is going to be the biggest help to my writings. Prior to submitting I always double check the work to see if any grammar mistakes could be changed but no matter what ill always miss something. grammar is going to be a major key in writing a persuasive essay because without proper grammar the reader may indicate grammar issues which may make the reader not take your opinion under consideration.

      Like

    • This type of feedback helps me out big time. I will always go back looking for red and blue lines and grammar issues and still come out in the end with problems. The only thing is I don’t look for these things 100% in the draft but more so in the final

      Like

  12. davidbdale says:

    First some praise for your formatting.

    You’ve done a very nice job of adopting the customary pattern of a Letter to the Editor.

    1. You correctly begin with a citation of the original article, including the Author’s Name, Title of the Article, and Date of the Publication.
    2. In just two more sentences, you manage to purposefully summarize the content of the original article (to orient readers to its thesis) and to categorically state your objection to the author’s conclusion.
    3. In your second paragraph, you provide historical context for Affirmative Action, credential yourself as a potential candidate for AA, and then carefully distance yourself from the author’s experience in order to present an alternative thesis.
    4. In your third paragraph, you introduce an ethical argument (the “should” language is a dead giveaway that you’re presenting an ethical mandate) that is the heart of your own Letter. You propose an alternative solution that would avoid opening universities to charges of racism.
    5. Your call to action reinforces the Ethical Mandate made obvious, again, by your use of “must” and “need to.”

    All of this builds a very strong framework for successful argument. In successive drafts, we’ll consider the quality of your evidence and recommendations with the goal of making your conclusion seem inevitable.

    Like

    • The formatting in lele’s response was very well done I agree and there was an exceptional use of rhetorical devices throughout that, in the end, strengthened the argument as a whole. I agree wholeheartedly with what davidbdale said here.

      Like

    • iamsleepy01 says:

      Well written, really strong, short and sweet, and persuasive. Positive feedback to improve your work to make you a even better writer.

      Like

    • bestbaker123 says:

      The draft is a great example of what a strong, concise persuasive case should look like. It has a clear stance on what the author did wrong and it proposes an alternative solution. It has all of the essential components of a LTE which makes it a good first draft.

      Like

    • athenapup4 says:

      Reaction to feedback :
      I really enjoy and appreciate how you break down each component that goes into writing a paper. Starting with the format and then moving your way through the different things that goes into writing. It creates a clear understanding of what part of the writing you’re revising and shows that you really took your time to give good feedback which i much appreciated.
      Feedback found particularly helpful:
      I like how when you’re going over an element in the writing that you bold the element and then give a brief description of what you found and expect in that element. This gave me a better understanding of some of the elements in the text.
      Feedback I disagree with:
      There’s no feed back I really disagree about in this section of feedback from you.

      Like

    • lazybear8 says:

      Its incredibly hard to disagree with what you deemed correct and incorrect in her writing. I saw nothing I could go against and overall enjoyed your feedback.

      Like

    • influenza123 says:

      This feedback thoroughly breaks down what is necessary for the formatting of a letter to the editor. I find the structure of the feedback particularly helpful. It is organized numerically and breaks down the feedback based on each part that is required of a letter to the editor. The essential components are bolded which is effective in making the important content of the feedback stand out. I do not disagree with any of the feedback provided.

      Like

    • This draft is a great example to look at. This gives an overview of what to expect from you when giving feedback.

      Like

    • kraemercali says:

      he now is praising her formatting and I appreciate his intentions on being positive before he begins any criticism. I think that is more helpful because it makes you recognize what you have done correctly, on your own. Having the specifics of what you have done right pointed out creates a sense of success before more criticism comes.

      Like

    • roses0102 says:

      This draft is a great example of formatting and structure in an LTE. Her draft was not only persuasive but it was straight to the point and I cannot disagree with anything that Mister Hodges critiqued.

      Like

    • Jayv23 says:

      This example was great because it was a solid first draft to use as an example on how our writings should look like. The feedback only makes this even more helpful because we can change or revise the writing and apply them to our new writings.

      Like

    • Knowing what we do well in our writtings is just as important as what needs to be improved. It is very insightful to see what we are doing right and what our strengths are, that way we can improve on them too. This is great and rare feedback.

      Like

    • voxpopuli075 says:

      This feedback was helpful because it goes through how lelebxby included each of the components in her letter. I found this entire section of feedback helpful.

      Like

    • Morra2024 says:

      The professor provided us with a rigorous analysis of this particular LTE, where the essay is broken down into individual sentences and paragraphs with a detailed description of the strengths and weaknesses, as well as which techniques, and patterns have been used by Lelebxby. This information will be extremely useful when I am going to revise my own draft(s), as it will guide me further-on. Very grateful to the professor for his analysis.

      Like

  13. davidbdale says:

    There’s a lot of passion and thrilling rhetoric in this Letter, lele. There’s good writing too. And the beginning of a good argument. All in all, it’s a strong first draft you can be proud of. AND it leaves you plenty of room for growth and improvement that I consider it my job to help you identify and develop.

    You carefully and effectively include several if not all of the Essential Components so not only are you making your point, you’re also providing a model in your own way of how to write an LTE that meets the specifications of the assignment. Let’s begin after I listen to the NPR Puzzle and go with my wife to our local diner for breakfast with some friends. Back soon.

    And again, thank you, for posting early, and for providing a rich resource for us to explore together, and for your classmates to observe as they prepare their own first drafts.

    Like

    • I like the positive feedback given through reading lele’s Letter to the Editor. I do not necessarily disagree with anything said here, overall I think it was a well written, brief, argument.

      Like

    • smellycat23 says:

      In general, the feedback is very positive and useful in Lele’s case. I agree that she writes with a lot of passion and telling her she completed almost all of the 10 components is beneficial information because she knows she completed a goal. I don’t disagree with any of this feedback.

      Like

      • bane1900 says:

        Overall, after reading Lele’s Letter to The Editor, it was extremely persuasive due to its passion, use of prevalent information, and extensive background knowledge. This article was short and to the point, which also made it a pleasure to read.

        Like

      • iamsleepy01 says:

        Feedback is positive and encouraging. Passionate about making a change. I agree that he/she has all of essential components for writing a letter to the editor. I think that this piece, after some editing, can be published on the the website

        Like

      • The feedback was helpful, positive and very positive for Lele. This was a well written draft. There is nothing disagree with.

        Like

    • influenza123 says:

      This gives a good overview of the upcoming feedback and displays the nature of grading effectively. It shows how although it may be a good draft there is room to grow which shows me what is expected of me in this class. Although the writing may be good for a first draft, we are all expected to grow as writers which is an essential element and long-term goal of this class.

      Like

    • bestbaker123 says:

      There are many things that this draft did well which makes it deserve the positive feedback it got. I agree with the feedback and think this was a great letter.

      Like

    • athenapup4 says:

      My general reaction to this feedback is pretty positive. I like how you explain that you’re currently busy at the moment but will soon provide feedback. Feedback I found helpful in this section was that you did give positive feedback. Instead of just giving all constructive criticism you give some positive feedback which helps with feeling too discouraged. i do not agree with anything here.

      Like

    • kraemercali says:

      I like how he started off positive and pointing out her strong suits, but mentioning there is room for improvement.

      Like

    • bmdpiano says:

      I appreciate how the first comment praises her for her strengths in the LTE. Encouragement first is always best when giving feedback. I find that without praising for what students did well and only critiquing what they did wrong is not an effective way to motivate them to improve.

      Like

    • yankeefan25 says:

      My first reaction to the feedback was that it was fair and had good intentions all around. Some of the wording was not 100% clear and you made that known to her which was one of things I found particularly helpful. There were a couple of areas that I thought were clear that you thought were unclear though. I think if she tried to make it better in a sense it would get worse, simple because it would be too wordy.

      Like

    • roses0102 says:

      I found this feedback very helpful and I will be referencing for future letters and writing pieces. This feedback was not harsh, it created a bridge to improve this paper and make it portfolio ready.

      Like

    • Seeing positive feedback on our assignments before diving deep into specifics and details is very encouraging. It is great to see our work, even if it is currently a D grade, is respected for its effort.

      Like

  14. lelebxby says:

    May I have feedback please? I look forward to hearing back soon.

    Like

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